If only people never started pretending that they care, it could have been better. It hurts when you start to feel that after all, everything is just a game. What hurts you more is the feeling that in this game, you are neither the winner nor the loser—you are not a player, but a mere toy. Day in and day out you live in maze of confusions and delusions that cloud your vision and judgment. You weep, you feel sad, you want to scream all the way but these things just can’t help enough to remove the unbearable pain. If only people just let me live my life alone and never dared to barge into my world, I could have been happier. There is a huge difference between being alone and feeling alone, but the latter bring more pain. What is even more painful is when one brave soul comes along when all the while you’re completely contented with your life. Suddenly, you’ll have the courage to go out of your comfort zone, believing that this person will guide and support you through the complexities of life, only to be disillusioned to find yourself hanging alone in a maze created by your own delusions. You try to convince yourself that it’s not worth the tears, but that fact alone makes you feel all more distressed.



I just feel totally dazed by the things that went through. Perhaps there are just some basic facts that I cannot accept, things that I refuse to remember but cannot forget, challenges that I have to face but am so afraid to. I hate feeling this way. A friend from another blog is talking about remembering how to feel after "unfeeling" for a long time. Now, I want to feel that "unfeeling." I don't know, I just feel so confused. I wish I could talk with a friend, but maybe it's not the brightest idea for it just made me feel all the more sad realizing that this friend of mine has his own life to spend all twenty four hours of everyday.



I only wish one thing for now...