when you left...

Yesterday, I learned that you left.

Now my mind is once again full of questions. Questions that perhaps would forever be left unanswered.

In all honesty, I was saddened by the fact that you left without even saying a word. But then again I was reminded of the fact that I am no longer your friend; that you’ve already thrown me out of your life. Perhaps I am sad because until now there is that hope inside me that somehow you’ll reconsider that decision. But now I am once again faced with the fact that you don’t want me to have anything to do with you. It’s sad and it hurts me deep inside. No, hurt is not even enough to describe how I felt then and how I feel now. Devastating, though it sounds strong is the only word that I could think of right now.

Why all these? -- perhaps people, including you would ask. I myself have asked that question to myself. I could no longer count the times when I had crying bouts while thinking of you and all the things that took place. Why do I have to remember you when all I want for now is to get over you? Why is it that deep inside I have this wish that you’d take me back into your life, that you’d love me the way I love you, that you’d be with me, that you’d make me feel you love me? Why can’t I just accept the fact that you’re gone?