A friend used to tell me that drinking his beer all alone is so un-cool. “Para naman ang laki-laki ng problema ko ‘nun pag uminom akong mag-isa! Parang kulang na lang magpatiwakal ako!” he used to tell me, trying to stop me from prodding him to just stay in his home and drink his beer instead of tugging me along to his seasonal drinking sprees (and partially ‘coz beer is cheaper in the supermarket compared to bars).
And now I find myself locked up in my room with this bottle. I wonder if my li’l bro (uh-huh, or should I say “big” ‘coz he’s much taller??) was able to count those bottle of his in the fridge *grins*. Oh, no, I don’t have plans of doing some morbid stuff; just want to recall how the cold lightness of this thingy tastes..hahaha..it’s been a long time, really!
As for problems, we all do have our own; but I consider myself as a person na medyo pasaway lang – and I mean that in a positive way. And as the liquid content of an empty bottle begins to kick-in (I can only consume one; ask me to have two and we’ll have to talk over it for four hours, with me asking for more ice to dilute the thing!), I am trying to write as vividly as I can remember, my thoughts about tough and rough times.
I don’t know why, but I almost always get the best of me when I am facing a really tough task. Looking back, I sometimes wonder how I did those things; and why I excel more on tough tasks than in easier ones. I think that a major factor is because others tend to easily quit and leave the task, but being the usual pasaway me, I press on the goal; thinking that whatever the outcome maybe, I can proudly tell myself that I did not give up. Back in school, I recall that the only time that I was able to land a spot in the NSSPC was when the news writing category judge asked us to write I think around five or six news articles about his given topics, in an hour. I was a sophomore then, and most of the participants are juniors and seniors. I no longer recall what I wrote but I remember that two of the articles are about a stampede in a Bon Jovi concert in Manila, and the jailbreak of a certain Rolito Go (he was involved in some high profile case, which I no longer recall). The school paper advisers are talking about how the question for the category was really tough; I wasn’t expecting that I would land even a tenth place. But lo and behold, my name was called for the 6th spot! Too bad, come the national level competition, the task was quite easy – just a news article about the result of the student council elections – oh, yep.. I lost! Haha! In college, I cannot forget how I got good class standing in Law3 and got 1.5 in my class card even though our professor has been branded as “walang patawad” since there are graduating students who were not able to do so because he gave them failing marks. Oh, and I was able to somehow answer the written and programming exams of our instructor in computer programming, although it seems that no one understands what he’s talking about. Hmm..just please don’t dare ask me about mathematics! Hahaha.. I passed all my subjects though (thank God!). That civil service eligibility exam is another though thing to face! The pressure was even greater to me back then since I took the computerized one and my Ate’s officemates are like, also waiting for the result since I stayed in their room and joined them for lunch. I was telling myself, “bahala na, pero nakakahiya kapag bumagsak ako rito!” Oh yep, I passed – with flying colors and wide grin up to clapping ears at that! These are just examples of what I am saying. I dare not cite examples from my professional gigs, lest I get misunderstood or sound like bragging – not my way, really!
Why am I recounting all these? It’s because I’ve been going through a lot of tough and rough times for around two years already. Several times, opportunities to “escape” have presented themselves and admittedly some are quite tempting. But until now, I chose to stay on and face the challenge head on. It’s no easy task. Yep, I laugh and joke around but people do not see me crying myself to sleep at night. Sometimes, I ask God to show me signs and lead me out of all these if that’s the best thing to do; more often, I ask Him to give me the courage, wisdom and strength to go on. When you’ve got no one else to ask, and when you get no guidance from people around, it’s always best to ask the one above.
Admittedly, I often fail in one way or another (who doesn’t?). At times I can’t take it any longer – I get frustrated, I get cranky, I just want to disappear into nothingness and let things be what they should be without me – I think there will always be someone who can do those things – maybe far better than I can. Yep, I do not consider myself as heaven’s only gift to people around me. I just want to be me – no pretensions, no bragging about superficial greatness, no unnecessary whatnots. What you see is what you get; at times even better!
And now my bed is calling me to crawl onto it and give my pillows a big warm hug (dizzzzyyy).
No comments:
Post a Comment