July 2, 2003



I spent nine hours and one minute in the office today (less an hour for lunch break). Went out earlier than usual to watch a movie, but before that, I enjoyed eating a lot of spaghetti – yumyum! The movie’s just fine, action-filled, with lots of stunts and all. Many of the scenes are obviously exaggerated though. Went out the theater so sleepy but now, tada!!! – I can’t sleep.



Why oh why do life have to go on this way? Wala lang, nainis lang ako sa FX kanina kasi naman hanggang Philcoa lang daw siya eh before ako sumakay I asked the driver if Don Antonio siya, and he said YES, tapos nun nasa Philcoa na kami, he asked me and the guy beside me kung saan kami bababa and the driver said na Philcoa lang siya. Oh, well I can’t help but say, “sabi niyo po Don Antonio kayo eh” but then again, ayaw ko nang makipag-talo pa kaya lumipat na lang ako ng sasakyan. And so ayun, instead of saving myself from walking 274 steps (uh, depending on the distance between your steps of course – but at few minutes before eleven and you’re walking alone, malamang bigger steps yun), and a weird overpass (imagine yourself crossing to the other side of the street through an overpass, only to find yourself going down in the middle of the opposite lane – meaning nasa gitna ka na ng malapad na kalye!). Haay…life! Anyway, I am finally home but I just can’t sleep yet so am here blogging all these thoughts of mine.



A while ago, I was reading my journal (you know, I don’t get everything published in my blog, I still keep lots of the more personal stuff a secret). Reading through my past scripts, I noticed how I’ve changed my views, my feelings and my reactions to certain situations. Some things remain the same though, like what I said, before ayaw ko talaga na makipag-talo (I mean yun serious na confrontations), kasi more often than not, I end up crying even though I know that I am right. Ewan, kasalanan ko ba kung madali akong maiyak (but three years ago, I wrote that I want to cry – parang ang gulo ano?)? Seriously, yun nga often times am such a crybaby, ironically, I not so long ago wanted to go to law school (yeah, law school!). Wala lang, I just love it, in fact I even got higher grades in my law subjects than my supposed to be major subjects. I’ve thought of taking the course ever since high school. But after all, Nascent Charm doesn’t always get what she wants… on the second thought, maybe she can – in time.



Things, people, feelings – they all change. The colors fade, and the morning mist turn dry; flowers do fade and into gray turns the sky. And now the person whom I wrote about a few days ago seems just fine – wala lang, parang walang nangyari – okay, eh di okay na – it’s better. And tomorrow, a dear friend is coming back – I missed her a lot. And sometimes, you wake up in the morning feeling something strange, like you’re so happy but you don’t know why; you suddenly smile with no reason at all; sometimes you just get suddenly stunned; some people who notice might think you’re weird (they finally realized – but they can’t figure out what’s making you such); sometimes, you just wakeup feeling so alive, so human, inspired, in loved, engrossed, renewed and amazed. I hope it will not only be sometimes, but all the time. I just felt so far away before, until I realized it. Sometimes you have to feel all alone in order to reconnect with the ones you love, those who truly love you and care enough to reach out to you. I don’t know, sometimes it’s really hard to understand it all, but who needs understanding and explanation when all it takes is faith? Perhaps I still have to learn a lot of things about this world, I’ll take it one at a time. Along the way there’ll always be obstacles, problems, heartaches, physical, emotional, and even spiritual drought, and during these times, all it takes is not knowledge, intelligence or wisdom – but faith, for in itself, it is the greatest wisdom one can possess. And sometimes Nascent gets really weird in her line of thoughts. All I know is that I feel so alive these days, yeah there are probs and pain, but I still feel the joy of staying alive and living with people whom I love. Siguro nga marami pang time to achieve my “milestones” (you know the “first” ones?!). It’s already Thursday – time to post this blog.