Here, am almost done reorganizing my little room! Whew! It always take me time to organize like this because I kinda have a hard time sorting out which item shall I keep and which to give away or throw away. Right now, am glad to look at all my books, mags and other stuff neatly lined up in the shelf! Still have to organize other things though, like those accessories, knick knacks and cds. Di ko pa natapos kasi I washed my clothes kanina eh..tapos nito, plantsa naman! Whew!

Nakita ko na yun old journal na hinahanap ko, tinago ko na kasama nun isa pa..pero what surprised me was that meron pa akong nakitang isang small notebook which turned out to be another journal! Ewan, hindi ko na natandaan na nag-eexist itong isang ito kasi most of my thoughts regarding the one am talking about in the journal ay nasa isang blogspot ko. Anyway, siguro ito yun mga bagay-bagay na ayaw ko naman ilagay sa web. The first entry was December 29, 2004. Halos two years na. Suddenly, para lang akong binatukan..parang I can hear the grown up me saying, “hey, wake up girl!! Open your eyes and stop dreaming! Don’t you think you’re wasting your time and effort?!” Ouch! Okay, fine. Malay ko ba. Hindi ko naman alam eh! Ngayon alam ko na. Ouch pa rin! Hindi ko na alam kung alin ang masakit..heart ba or ego? Pareho siguro. Kasi feeling ko niloko ko eh..feeling? Mali, hindi lang feeling yun, totoo yun. It’s sad to think na all along you’ve been honest and transparent tapos yun taong pinagkatiwalaan mo all the while is hiding something from you..something na kung sana hindi niya tinago hindi ka feeling stupid ngayon. What if hindi ko nalaman yun? The point is, intentional ba yun paglilihim niya..bakit kailangan na accidentally ko pa malaman yun? That’s just so unfair! Sa bagay, this world is so unfair naman talaga, so why should I expect? Bad trip lang ako! Gusto ko nga itapon yun notebook eh kaso naisip ko, not yet..hindi muna..magandang pang-gising ito kapag nasa senti mode na naman ako. Nalungkot na naman tuloy ako kanina..pero naisip ko, tapos na yun eh. Sabi nga ni lola Auch, “though it hurts like hell, no one dies of a broken heart; like all things, that too will come to pass.” Looking back, and reading through my blogspot and my journal, hindi naman ganun karami yun happy moments na naaalala ko..mas marami ata yun missing and longing and wishing and hoping. Perhaps I’ve been smitten all along kaya hindi ko iniintindi yun. Haay…and they think that I live an easy life?? I dare say no, I don’t! I never did.