it's not which path you choose; it's how you walk through that path

Been through a lot of crossroads the past months. Am reminded of that Robert Frost poem from a high school literature book, two roads diversed in a yellow wood and sorry i could not travel both... A tricky poem that was, as tricky as the choices we are faced with at times. But I think fulfillment comes not in choosing a right or wrong path; it doesn't go with which way you choose to go rather, it depends on how you walk through the path that you are walking through.

NORMS. Things doesn't really fall into their proper places just like that. In the first place, sino nga ba ang nagtatakda kung saan ang dapat kalagyan ng mga bagay-bagay? Kung ano ang tama at ano ang mali? Lagi ba dapat gamitin yun notion ng duality? Dapat bang lagi kang may choice from two things? Basta, I always keep in mind what my Prof in Moral Theology often say, "remember the cardinal rule, 'it depends' " Oo, nag-aral ako ng Moral Theology, tingnan mo pa TOR ko! Kaya sa pakialamerang malakas ang loob na pagsabihan ako ng kung ano kahit na wala naman siya ni katiting na moral ascendancy sa akin..better backoff..naaawa lang ako sa'yo coz you play dirty and cheap.

A friend mentioned something about the "norms." I asked, "norms..sino nagse-set ng norms?" She replied, "society. it's what's right or wrong for majority of the people."

Yep, alam ko but why do I have to bother myself with what other people would say? Why do I have to conform with their standards? They might have a way of viewing things, but I have my own too. Yep, I could be a real brat if I choose to and no one could stop me. But I chose not to be (uh, huh..well..I mean not too much). Am not advocating for complete disregard of society's rules, it's just that I no longer buy the idea of sacrificing your own happiness just because of the norms.

CHOICES. One thing that I hate about myself is being indecisive. Kasi am afraid of making the wrong choice. Siguro it comes from the fact that sa maraming pagkakataon napilitan akong gumawa ng decision with the reprimand na I have to live with that choice dahil wala nang second chance. But now I realized that wala rin right or wrong choice, it's how you live with what you've chosen. And everyone should be given a second..third..fourth..nth chance if need be, as long a they're not making the same mistakes. Again, "it depends" kung hanggang kailan bibigyan ng another chance.

FUTURE. Whatever will be, will be sabi ng isang old song. Very much related sa choices kasi this is what we have in mind when we are faced with the latter. Sino ba naman ang hindi naghahangad ng magandang future? But then again, we can never be sure of that future. Ni hindi ko nga alam kung bukas ba magigising pa ulit ako o baka paggising ko nasa ibang planeta na ko dahil kinuha ko ng aliens! But today, I have to live a life -- and make it meaningful so that I'll have something great to reminisce in that future.

CHANGES. Change is inevitable and the only permanent thing in this world. Let change happen.

MOVING ON. I am moving up and yet it's like status quo. I think God granted my prayer once again. I didn't ask Him to give me the thing that I would have wanted (very worldly for it's just money) rather, I asked Him to lead me in the way that He's planned for me and give me a heart that submits to that plan. Ang sarap ng feeling na ganito -- even if in the eyes of people you fail, deep inside alam mo na mas mabuti ito dahil ito yun nilaan para sa iyo. Naalala ko tuloy ang payo ni Cherrie Bear, "dun ka pumunta sa kung saan ka masaya at kung ano ang gusto mong gawin." With this joy in my heart while looking forward to moving very soon, I know the Lord (no, not you tita Lourd, si Lord) really granted my prayer exactly how I've asked it.

wisdom from the ghost of claudius the cat

"if you look at the whole, you see how everything works together, and how everything is fluid and not fixed as we would have it. and if everything is fluid it means change is a good and necessary thing. so let change happen!"

four years after...

A rainy day
An unfamiliar place
I saw you standing still
And I drift away like a doll
Made of paper, brushed with dye
It rained hard
I was drenched
The colors bled
And then it faded
I was ripped apart
Crushed unto the earth
Soaked under the flood
I drowned holding on to memories
While you held your scissors and your brush
Making a dozen dolls to replace me.

*This is 4 years after the fateful day of June 27, 2003*

missing you...

I awfully miss you. I’ve always wanted to contact you but I keep on reminding myself that this is how you want it to be. I often cry with that thought. I still want you by my side. I feel lost right now and I feel like I just want to disappear into oblivion. For how long am I going to go through this, I don’t know.

maybe I just...love you.

It’s been quite a long time and yet a day never passed without me thinking of you. Looking back, I guess it was more of me who kept on bugging you. Perhaps it’s that child in me wanting to be with you. Maybe because I find in you everything that I never was, everything that I’d wish to try to do. Maybe it’s the fact that you’ve changed me in a lot of ways. Maybe it’s the fact that I enjoyed the attention. Maybe it’s the fact that in many ways you’ve shown me your good side. Maybe it’s the fact that I kept looking at that side of yours; that it was okay with me even if you’ve shown me your other side. Maybe, maybe I just, plainly love you – all of you.

random thoughts 4

• happy birthday ng mama ko ngayon!



• there are things that are more important than YOU and YOU



• vanity, power OVER, taking advantage...DUH! nakakasuka!



• ang favorite kong comforting words: "you will be alright"



• ang sagot ko: "yep, i should be alright" (pero touched raw ako! hehehe..)



• teka, gutom na ko! di ako naglunch you know!

when you left...

Yesterday, I learned that you left.

Now my mind is once again full of questions. Questions that perhaps would forever be left unanswered.

In all honesty, I was saddened by the fact that you left without even saying a word. But then again I was reminded of the fact that I am no longer your friend; that you’ve already thrown me out of your life. Perhaps I am sad because until now there is that hope inside me that somehow you’ll reconsider that decision. But now I am once again faced with the fact that you don’t want me to have anything to do with you. It’s sad and it hurts me deep inside. No, hurt is not even enough to describe how I felt then and how I feel now. Devastating, though it sounds strong is the only word that I could think of right now.

Why all these? -- perhaps people, including you would ask. I myself have asked that question to myself. I could no longer count the times when I had crying bouts while thinking of you and all the things that took place. Why do I have to remember you when all I want for now is to get over you? Why is it that deep inside I have this wish that you’d take me back into your life, that you’d love me the way I love you, that you’d be with me, that you’d make me feel you love me? Why can’t I just accept the fact that you’re gone?

Meaningless Kiss

I saw you across the dance floor
Out of the corner of my eye
I felt the connection
I don't know how, I don't know why
I shouldn't of stayed
When I saw you there with another man
But as we slipped away
I thought I heard you say
This wasn't part of the plan

Just a meaningless kiss
It wasn't suppose to end up like this
Just a meaningless kiss
Ohh Ohh
Just a meaningless kiss
We knew it was wrong
But we couldn't resist
Just a meaningless kiss
Til I fell in love
With you

But you didn't want me to
Oh no

And here we are two years later
Too late to turn back now
We gotta finish what we shouldn't have started
We got to walk away somehow
But it's easier said than done
When two hearts beat as one
And three hearts are one too many
That's why we shouldn't have ever begun

Just a meaningless kiss
It wasn't suppose to end up like this
Just a meaningless kiss
Oh oh
Just a meaningless kiss
We knew it was wrong but we couldn't resist
Just a meaningless kiss
Til I fell in love
With you

We can't go on like this forever
When we're not meant to be together
So leave me here on my own
From now on I guess I got to dance alone

Just a meaningless kiss
It wasn't suppose to end up like this
Just a meaningless kiss
Oh oh
Just a meaningless kiss
We knew it was wrong but we couldn't resist
Just a meaningless kiss
But I'm still in love
With you

No matter what I do

sorry fwends if i had to chikkatext you with these lyrics..hehehe..music trip!