And life goes on…for me. Despite the fact that I applied some ointments before going to bed, I woke up to see last night’s rashes living unpleasant spots on my skin. I don’t know if some insect bit me or it’s another one of those allergy bouts, but insect bites usually just leaves my skin when I use that ointment, so I suspect it’s allergy (to what or where, I don’t know). As much as I’d like to avoid it, I was late again this morning, since I had to pass by the drug store to get me some anti-allergy. One thing I that don’t like when taking that medication is that it makes me feel so sleepy. I really was so sleepy the whole time, even while I am eating my lunch while talking with my friends. I just took a cup of coffee sooner after lunch since I can’t stop my eyes from closing, and tadan! Am awake!
I got the news that my superior’s mom died last night. I am once again reminded that life is just like that. One day you came into this world, then you grow up, you learn things, you meet people, you enjoy, you live, you let live, you smile, you laugh, you weep, you love, you feel indifference, you do many things, you get what you want, you become what you aspired to become, you dream, you go on living, but who knows when all these things would end?
As I’ve always said, everything that happens around me enables me to see things in another light. True I may still have angst and hang-ups from some not so pleasant past, but as days go by and as I become used to life’s realities, I also learn to accept that some things are not really meant to go on as I wish it would.
Maybe I’m in that point in my life when I get a little ounce of courage to go out of my shell and explore the world. But despite that, I still stay the same old me in every manner. I honestly don’t know what tomorrow holds for me. Some events in the past contribute to those factors that make me feel lonely and depressed, but I know I have to move on. As my Angel once said, I just have to get those people who drain me off out of my life. Maybe sometime in the future I would understand why all these have to happen. Maybe everything is just a part of one greater plan for me. I feel so weak, but I know that I have to be strong, that I just have to continue living this life entrusted unto me. Perhaps if not for the faith that I have, I would have long dared to end everything. But I know that life is not in my hands. And so I continue living, trying to figure out not only what this world has to offer for me but also more importantly what I can offer to this world.
Thursday, January 22, 2004
Tuesday, January 20, 2004
Just last night, I was exchanging text messages with a friend. Told him that am busy with work and other concerns but perfectly fine.
Well, that’s true. In my last blog, I was ranting about my past wearies, but during the past days, I learned to see things in a clearer perspective once more. I guess after all, I really should be thankful of things and people around me. I guess writing about things that I feel and think about is just fine, I mean perhaps I was wrong in referring to my rants as “things that I should not be writing anyway.” Writing has always been my outlet—whether I feel happy, sad, confused, excited, in love, or pissed off. I’ve always been more comfortable in expressing my feelings thru pen (or keyboard?) rather than meeting people head-on. As I think I’ve repeatedly said in my past blogs, I hate confrontations because I always end up crying, so I write down what I feel. One good thing is that it gives me the benefit of letting it out without hurting other people’s feelings, and it gives me time to contemplate on issues. And, as always, I more often than not change my feelings towards things after a while—well, after the clouds of sudden emotion clears from my point of view. Well, I finally finished searching the net and typing my younger bros’ project before it’s deadline (well, while the lucky little boy is going around the neighborhood or to his friend’s places on a Christmas break!). I said to myself, “how I wish I was able to do that when I was in high school!” But later on I realized that I used to ask my Ate and her best friend to do my Math projects! Oh, well…is this what they call payback time? Ha ha ha… the latest scoop: the same little bro will one of these days ask me to type another project, again…nearly before it’s submission! Haaay…as if I don’t have an office work to do! Oh, I also ranted on wasting my time thinking about that someone…well, I was just texting him last night! Ha ha ha…it’s my life!
And now, in the tradition of writing my rants…
I started the week all right, I wasn’t late yesterday and I punched in at exactly 10 AM (whew!). But sometime this morning, one of our PCs had hard disk problem so our work was interrupted. Another thing is that my sinusitis attacked again! And yet, there’s another. I don’t know, but as much as I would like to avoid confrontation and instead understand others, I end up being the one who’s confronted. To top it all, I was told that I act as if I am a boss or something. It’s disheartening to hear those words from someone whom you consider as a friend. What’s more worth noting is that perhaps after all, not all those friends of yours knows you anyway—or at least spent sometime in really knowing you and trying to understand you rather than judging you. Someone told me, it isn’t bad to cry—yes, she’s right it isn’t but I don’t want to do it in front of many people for I don’t want to create a scene or something. I have always been contented and happier with an uncomplicated life of being not the center of attention. So, now alone in my room, I let every teardrop fall. I may forever rant about this, I may forever cry it out, but some hurts always leaves scars that are irreparable. It’s good to note that I have few real friends who knew me inside and out. I may forever meet people who will tell me all sorts of harsh blows, but that’s life. It’s worthwhile to underscore that I’ve long ago (as I’ve said in my previous blogs) known that I can’t please everyone at the same time. I guess I have to keep myself reminded of that. My feelings towards the incident may change perhaps, but not my principles in life.
Days, weeks, months will pass…who knows up to where my life would last? I live my life as each day pass—sunny or gloomy…everyday is a time to cherish, with new challenges to face, new things to explore perhaps new horizons to reach across. I know where I’m anchored.
Well, that’s true. In my last blog, I was ranting about my past wearies, but during the past days, I learned to see things in a clearer perspective once more. I guess after all, I really should be thankful of things and people around me. I guess writing about things that I feel and think about is just fine, I mean perhaps I was wrong in referring to my rants as “things that I should not be writing anyway.” Writing has always been my outlet—whether I feel happy, sad, confused, excited, in love, or pissed off. I’ve always been more comfortable in expressing my feelings thru pen (or keyboard?) rather than meeting people head-on. As I think I’ve repeatedly said in my past blogs, I hate confrontations because I always end up crying, so I write down what I feel. One good thing is that it gives me the benefit of letting it out without hurting other people’s feelings, and it gives me time to contemplate on issues. And, as always, I more often than not change my feelings towards things after a while—well, after the clouds of sudden emotion clears from my point of view. Well, I finally finished searching the net and typing my younger bros’ project before it’s deadline (well, while the lucky little boy is going around the neighborhood or to his friend’s places on a Christmas break!). I said to myself, “how I wish I was able to do that when I was in high school!” But later on I realized that I used to ask my Ate and her best friend to do my Math projects! Oh, well…is this what they call payback time? Ha ha ha… the latest scoop: the same little bro will one of these days ask me to type another project, again…nearly before it’s submission! Haaay…as if I don’t have an office work to do! Oh, I also ranted on wasting my time thinking about that someone…well, I was just texting him last night! Ha ha ha…it’s my life!
And now, in the tradition of writing my rants…
I started the week all right, I wasn’t late yesterday and I punched in at exactly 10 AM (whew!). But sometime this morning, one of our PCs had hard disk problem so our work was interrupted. Another thing is that my sinusitis attacked again! And yet, there’s another. I don’t know, but as much as I would like to avoid confrontation and instead understand others, I end up being the one who’s confronted. To top it all, I was told that I act as if I am a boss or something. It’s disheartening to hear those words from someone whom you consider as a friend. What’s more worth noting is that perhaps after all, not all those friends of yours knows you anyway—or at least spent sometime in really knowing you and trying to understand you rather than judging you. Someone told me, it isn’t bad to cry—yes, she’s right it isn’t but I don’t want to do it in front of many people for I don’t want to create a scene or something. I have always been contented and happier with an uncomplicated life of being not the center of attention. So, now alone in my room, I let every teardrop fall. I may forever rant about this, I may forever cry it out, but some hurts always leaves scars that are irreparable. It’s good to note that I have few real friends who knew me inside and out. I may forever meet people who will tell me all sorts of harsh blows, but that’s life. It’s worthwhile to underscore that I’ve long ago (as I’ve said in my previous blogs) known that I can’t please everyone at the same time. I guess I have to keep myself reminded of that. My feelings towards the incident may change perhaps, but not my principles in life.
Days, weeks, months will pass…who knows up to where my life would last? I live my life as each day pass—sunny or gloomy…everyday is a time to cherish, with new challenges to face, new things to explore perhaps new horizons to reach across. I know where I’m anchored.
Monday, January 05, 2004
Who’s leaving all the rants behind? I’ve thought of starting 2004 in a “clean state.” Well, I’ll try to, but with all these—I wonder.
They often say that we should count our blessings, not the misfortunes; count the flowers, not the leaves that fall; but sometimes, I can’t help but ask why some people are so blessed with ways to piss me off. I can’t help but ask myself why am I staying up ‘til dawn trying to write about things that I should not be writing anyway. Why am I wasting my time thinking about someone who gave me nothing but confusion? Why am I missing the benefit of a long and weary-free vacation while the very people who should be doing such are somewhere maybe in the South Pole enjoying the snow? Why does it seem to me that for others, it looks like I am not burdened of doing something? Yes, am born in the month of October, but I am definitely a normal human specie, not an octopus—I only got two hands, not eight. Why do I have to do all these? It’s because I have to, in order to. Sounds confusing, but true.
Can’t write a long blog for now, it’s just that someone urged me to update this blog. Ha ha ha…welcome 2004 grinning like a stray dog.
They often say that we should count our blessings, not the misfortunes; count the flowers, not the leaves that fall; but sometimes, I can’t help but ask why some people are so blessed with ways to piss me off. I can’t help but ask myself why am I staying up ‘til dawn trying to write about things that I should not be writing anyway. Why am I wasting my time thinking about someone who gave me nothing but confusion? Why am I missing the benefit of a long and weary-free vacation while the very people who should be doing such are somewhere maybe in the South Pole enjoying the snow? Why does it seem to me that for others, it looks like I am not burdened of doing something? Yes, am born in the month of October, but I am definitely a normal human specie, not an octopus—I only got two hands, not eight. Why do I have to do all these? It’s because I have to, in order to. Sounds confusing, but true.
Can’t write a long blog for now, it’s just that someone urged me to update this blog. Ha ha ha…welcome 2004 grinning like a stray dog.
Thursday, December 04, 2003
Take time to be aware; it is the opportunity to help others.
Take time to be friendly; it is the road to happiness.
Take time to be quiet; it is the opportunity to seek God.
Take time to dream; it hitches the soul to the stars.
Take time to give; it is too short a day to be selfish.
Take time to help and enjoy with friends; it is the source of happiness.
Take time to laugh; it is the music of the soul.
Take time to love and be loved; it is God's greatest gift.
Take time to play; it is the source of perpetual youth.
Take time to pray; it is the greatest power on earth.
Take time to read; it is the foundation of knowledge.
Take time to read your bible; it feeds the soul.
Take time to think; it is the foundation of wisdom.
Take time to work; it is the price of success.
Take time to worship; it is the highway of reverence and washes the dust of earth from our eyes.
Take time to plan; it is the secret of being able to have time to take time for the first fifteen things.
Take time to be friendly; it is the road to happiness.
Take time to be quiet; it is the opportunity to seek God.
Take time to dream; it hitches the soul to the stars.
Take time to give; it is too short a day to be selfish.
Take time to help and enjoy with friends; it is the source of happiness.
Take time to laugh; it is the music of the soul.
Take time to love and be loved; it is God's greatest gift.
Take time to play; it is the source of perpetual youth.
Take time to pray; it is the greatest power on earth.
Take time to read; it is the foundation of knowledge.
Take time to read your bible; it feeds the soul.
Take time to think; it is the foundation of wisdom.
Take time to work; it is the price of success.
Take time to worship; it is the highway of reverence and washes the dust of earth from our eyes.
Take time to plan; it is the secret of being able to have time to take time for the first fifteen things.
Sunday, November 02, 2003
Sometimes all you can give is love
Sometimes all you have is not enough
Sometimes life is like a dream
Sometimes dreams aren't what they seem
Sometimes laughter can heal your heart
Sometimes it's laughter that breaks it apart
Sometimes the world goes faster than you can go
Sometimes even fast is still too slow
Sometimes going home is the only thing on your mind
Sometimes home is the only place you can't find
Sometimes you are too tired to sleep
Sometimes you are too sad to weep
Sometimes freedom holds you back
Sometimes a wedding dress is black
Sometimes loneliness is what you need
Sometimes there's a harvest without a seed
Sometimes darkness can be too bright
Sometimes rain gives you delight
Sometimes you think you understand
Sometimes you know you really can't
Sometimes what sets you free are restrictions
Sometimes what makes most sense are contradictions
Sometimes all you have is not enough
Sometimes life is like a dream
Sometimes dreams aren't what they seem
Sometimes laughter can heal your heart
Sometimes it's laughter that breaks it apart
Sometimes the world goes faster than you can go
Sometimes even fast is still too slow
Sometimes going home is the only thing on your mind
Sometimes home is the only place you can't find
Sometimes you are too tired to sleep
Sometimes you are too sad to weep
Sometimes freedom holds you back
Sometimes a wedding dress is black
Sometimes loneliness is what you need
Sometimes there's a harvest without a seed
Sometimes darkness can be too bright
Sometimes rain gives you delight
Sometimes you think you understand
Sometimes you know you really can't
Sometimes what sets you free are restrictions
Sometimes what makes most sense are contradictions
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