turning another leaf

I have been silent here for quite a long time. No Christmas, no holiday, no new year post.

It's not that I've been hiding in a cave or have got nothing going on with my life that I could share here. It's just that, life has been going on and on and on and on... and the sudden breaks which I took the past weeks were dedicated to hibernating errrrrr... re-energizing myself. I do not even update my FB a lot, save for some random quotes or sharing in my status update, as well as approving photo tags by friends.

Now, I stare here again with so much thoughts running through my mind, that I cannot find words to describe. I am excited, delighted, afraid, elated, confused, and all sorts of feelings that I could recognize at the same time. I don't know if this is because of the fast changes (or the lack of it) happening around me. Or it could also be that I am the one who's changing, I mean, growing old, growing up (am not talking here about physically growing up, as in am getting heavier, duh!), or transforming into someone that I'd like myself to be -- hopefully a better one.

Call me whatever you want to describe it, but am not really a TV or movie buff. Sure, I watch movies or TV from time to time, but I can really live my life without those and I would be perfectly fine. But the other night, I find myself watching a circa 2010 movie of Kim Chiu -- and I was just crying my heart out. I literally felt like there is a heavy feeling going out of my system with the stream of tears that fall from my eyes (yep, you read it right -- stream of tears!). Then the other other night (walang paki-alaman ng phraseology rito, blog ko ito no!), I watched another movie which reminded me that indeed, no matter how many times or how hard you find yourself tumbling down the hall, or your head banged on a wall, there will always be something good ahead waiting for you if you are ready to go for it.

I just look forward to positive changes in my life...I don't know what that would be, but I feel like am up to something great soon -- and no, am not thinking anything about PCW matters here! I usually am a fast learner and I can cope quite well in school or business settings -- but I guess am on the other side when it comes to more personal matters. But then again, I am not competing with anyone or anything. I admit, I get offended by people who sort of push me to go in a hurry. I feel that they are violating my own sense of person hood; they are going over the borders which I reserved only for myself. I believe that I should be allowed to go through all these things at my own pace, at my own terms, at my own time.

my Konoka Kimmidoll

And I am sure that this is finally it -- I am already leaving behind that chapter in the book called my life. I looked back at the pages earlier, but the tears no longer poured out; no more heavy feelings inside; no more what ifs or I wish -- the pages are just there. I have outlined the lessons I've learned, and turned it out into a list of things that I will do in the future -- it's all carved in my mind, in my heart -- it's already a part of who I am. I am completely thankful that God never left me all throughout the long journey. I realized that worst things could have happened if He allowed it because of my stubbornness -- I still feel so blessed.

And so, I will live my next days once again as a carefree soul who enjoy the good things that life, and everything that surrounds it, has to offer. Like Konoka, I will embrace life through all my senses...savour every taste, every touch, every smell, sight and sound...linger in the moment.