A few years back, we had a single girls’ night out. Just had pure and wholesome fun...erff...with a few gulps of alcohol okay! Anyway, that was really fun. I was younger then (on the second thought, I still am today). I was there because my friends were there, not because I’d like to find a way to celebrate the day/night without that someone special. I miss those days and nights - the gimiks, the conversation, the unblemished friendships. Things are different now - we rarely see each other, we rarely talk, with distances, with glass walls, with the so-called good riddance. Maybe that’s how life goes. There comes seasons of pruning. Sometimes, no matter how we want to hold on to something, we really have no choice but to let go - to let go, not because we lost hope, but because we literally have to other choice. There are really things that are beyond our control and at the end of the day, one must not try to hold on to anything but the reality. But perhaps some things are not gone forever. Life has always been and will always be a constant change.
Maybe I’ve grown a little...thoughts of spending this day with someone special not only crossed, but swirled and danced in my mind. But, as it’s always been for the last twenty something years, the dream of spending sometime with Mr. Special Someone hasn’t come to reality. And reality bites, uhh...well... But thank God! Girl pals are there! Last night has been another pure and wholesome fun (less the alcohol, plus free-flowing mixed nuts and a can of coca-cola and The Spirit of 67 filling the air with music while people are dancing). To my friends...thanks for a wonderful valentines night!
Tuesday, February 15, 2005
Tuesday, January 11, 2005
Pwede bang makipag-kaibigan?
Sana naniwala na lang ako na kaibigan lang naman. Ang hirap naman kasi, nagkalat ang mga bubuyog na bumubulong sa tenga ko. Hirap naman kasi sa'kin, madali akong nadala sa mga tukso nila. Sabi ko na nga ba, mahirap talagang mag-assume.
Sinubukan ko naman eh. Sinubukan kong maging kaibigan—kaibigan lang. Kaya lang, ewan ko, hindi ko alam kung paanong nangyari, kung bakit, kung kailan—na-realize ko lang noong naramdaman ko na nasasaktan ako.
Okay naman sana yun pagkakakilala namin eh, kind of mushy na ewan...
Our paths first crossed dahil sa work. Part siya nun consulting team ng office namin sa isang project. Nakakatawa nga eh, akala ko noon girl siya tapos nun nagsalita boses lalaki tapos nga boy’s name yun name niya! Well, lalaki pala siya. Yun lang ang alam ko, wala naman ibang impression on me yun meeting na yun—ni hindi nga kami nagkausap man lang. After mga two weeks siguro more or less, nagtext sa akin yun isang friend ko asking for my e-mail address. Binigay ko naman. When I asked her why, sagot lang niya may nagpapatanong daw. Medyo okay lang sana kung e-mail lang eh kaso, binigay pala cellphone number ko. I only found out when one night, someone sent me an SMS. Naalala ko, nasa Mc Donalds kami noon. Kadarating lang kasi ng isang friend ko from Indonesia kaya nagkita-kita kaming grupo. Di ko na matandaan exactly yun text niya pero alam niya yun name ko tapos ask niya kung pwede raw makipagkaibigan. Mga ilang araw ko rin tinatanong kung sino ba talaga siya pero ang lagi lang niyang sagot basta we met each other sa isang meeting few days ago. Tinanong ko rin yun friend ko at umamin naman ang loka na siya nagbigay ng number ko, kasi raw kinukulit siya nung friend niya, kesyo nagmamaka-awa na raw sa pagtatanong ng number ko yun friend ng friend niya. To cut the story short, umamin din naman siya na dun niya ko nakilala sa workshop.
So ayun, we became “textmates.” Madalas ko pa nga barahin yun sa text eh. Kasi naman, parang puro palipad-hangin ang messages niya, at lagi niyang sinasabing nami-miss niya ko. Madalas ko pang sabihin na bakit naman niya ko mami-miss eh di pa naman kami nagkakasama. Hmmm...I’d admit na I enjoyed those moments, hindi dahil sa mga pambabara ko sa kanya kundi yun sweetness, yun attention, yun sarap ng feeling kapag tumutunog yun cellphone ko at nakita ko yun name niya sa inbox ko. Haay...feeling ko ang haba ng hair ko noh!! Pero aaminin ko rin na iniwasan ko yun, iniwasan kong maniwala na like niya ko gaya ng sinasabi nila. Parati pa nga raw binibuild-up yun ng friend niya kapag kausap ng officemate ko na friend ko eh at ang loka, lagi akong tinutukso! Iniwasan kong mahulog ang loob ko sa kanya kasi parang hindi totoo...parang movie...parang panaginip...parang fairytale na one day Prince Charming noticed you and fell in love with you instantly tapos he’ll do every sweet thing on earth to win your heart and when he does, you’ll kiss, get wed and live happily ever after. Nakakatakot maniwala kasi nakakatakot na masaktan kapag nalaman mo na ilusyon lang ang lahat. Naisip ko lang, kung like man niya ko gusto ko na sa kanya ko marinig yun, hindi sa ibang tao. Kung gusto niya na we become more than friends, gusto kong sabihin niya ng diretso sa akin. Ewan ko, ayaw ko ata ng maraming channels na dinadaanan kasi in the end kayo lang naman dalawa ang dapat magdecide if you want to be together or not. Pero di naman nangyari yun, he never told me anything about his feelings for me. Siguro nga, I should have taken it as such—kaibigan lang. Kung bakit ba naman kasi nahulog pa sa kanya ang loob ko samantalang he’s almost the exact opposite of what I like sa guys?! Imagine, yun super crush ko for the longest time ganito description: smart, always prim ang proper, clean-cut ang hair, self-supporting law stud (until he completed his degree and passed the bar), though di katangkaran taller naman sa’kin at athlete siya nun college, never ko rin nakitang nag-smoke. Tapos ito naman isa eh ganito: mas mahaba pa hair niya sa’kin, lakas na nga magyosi lakas pa uminom ng alak ayun, laki tuloy ng tiyan, mukhang buntis! mas matangkad po ko sa kanya, di regular yun work niya at may mga panahon pa na wala siyang work. Pero ewan ko, despite all those things nasasaktan pa rin ako.
Sinubukan ko naman eh. Sinubukan kong maging kaibigan—kaibigan lang. Kaya lang, ewan ko, hindi ko alam kung paanong nangyari, kung bakit, kung kailan—na-realize ko lang noong naramdaman ko na nasasaktan ako.
Okay naman sana yun pagkakakilala namin eh, kind of mushy na ewan...
Our paths first crossed dahil sa work. Part siya nun consulting team ng office namin sa isang project. Nakakatawa nga eh, akala ko noon girl siya tapos nun nagsalita boses lalaki tapos nga boy’s name yun name niya! Well, lalaki pala siya. Yun lang ang alam ko, wala naman ibang impression on me yun meeting na yun—ni hindi nga kami nagkausap man lang. After mga two weeks siguro more or less, nagtext sa akin yun isang friend ko asking for my e-mail address. Binigay ko naman. When I asked her why, sagot lang niya may nagpapatanong daw. Medyo okay lang sana kung e-mail lang eh kaso, binigay pala cellphone number ko. I only found out when one night, someone sent me an SMS. Naalala ko, nasa Mc Donalds kami noon. Kadarating lang kasi ng isang friend ko from Indonesia kaya nagkita-kita kaming grupo. Di ko na matandaan exactly yun text niya pero alam niya yun name ko tapos ask niya kung pwede raw makipagkaibigan. Mga ilang araw ko rin tinatanong kung sino ba talaga siya pero ang lagi lang niyang sagot basta we met each other sa isang meeting few days ago. Tinanong ko rin yun friend ko at umamin naman ang loka na siya nagbigay ng number ko, kasi raw kinukulit siya nung friend niya, kesyo nagmamaka-awa na raw sa pagtatanong ng number ko yun friend ng friend niya. To cut the story short, umamin din naman siya na dun niya ko nakilala sa workshop.
So ayun, we became “textmates.” Madalas ko pa nga barahin yun sa text eh. Kasi naman, parang puro palipad-hangin ang messages niya, at lagi niyang sinasabing nami-miss niya ko. Madalas ko pang sabihin na bakit naman niya ko mami-miss eh di pa naman kami nagkakasama. Hmmm...I’d admit na I enjoyed those moments, hindi dahil sa mga pambabara ko sa kanya kundi yun sweetness, yun attention, yun sarap ng feeling kapag tumutunog yun cellphone ko at nakita ko yun name niya sa inbox ko. Haay...feeling ko ang haba ng hair ko noh!! Pero aaminin ko rin na iniwasan ko yun, iniwasan kong maniwala na like niya ko gaya ng sinasabi nila. Parati pa nga raw binibuild-up yun ng friend niya kapag kausap ng officemate ko na friend ko eh at ang loka, lagi akong tinutukso! Iniwasan kong mahulog ang loob ko sa kanya kasi parang hindi totoo...parang movie...parang panaginip...parang fairytale na one day Prince Charming noticed you and fell in love with you instantly tapos he’ll do every sweet thing on earth to win your heart and when he does, you’ll kiss, get wed and live happily ever after. Nakakatakot maniwala kasi nakakatakot na masaktan kapag nalaman mo na ilusyon lang ang lahat. Naisip ko lang, kung like man niya ko gusto ko na sa kanya ko marinig yun, hindi sa ibang tao. Kung gusto niya na we become more than friends, gusto kong sabihin niya ng diretso sa akin. Ewan ko, ayaw ko ata ng maraming channels na dinadaanan kasi in the end kayo lang naman dalawa ang dapat magdecide if you want to be together or not. Pero di naman nangyari yun, he never told me anything about his feelings for me. Siguro nga, I should have taken it as such—kaibigan lang. Kung bakit ba naman kasi nahulog pa sa kanya ang loob ko samantalang he’s almost the exact opposite of what I like sa guys?! Imagine, yun super crush ko for the longest time ganito description: smart, always prim ang proper, clean-cut ang hair, self-supporting law stud (until he completed his degree and passed the bar), though di katangkaran taller naman sa’kin at athlete siya nun college, never ko rin nakitang nag-smoke. Tapos ito naman isa eh ganito: mas mahaba pa hair niya sa’kin, lakas na nga magyosi lakas pa uminom ng alak ayun, laki tuloy ng tiyan, mukhang buntis! mas matangkad po ko sa kanya, di regular yun work niya at may mga panahon pa na wala siyang work. Pero ewan ko, despite all those things nasasaktan pa rin ako.
Sunday, September 12, 2004
Friday, September 03, 2004
Saturday, August 28, 2004
I think I’m starving…I can’t eat well. No, it’s not that I’m “in love” or something; I just came from my dentist this morning to have the regular adjustment in my braces. When I went back home, I am ready to eat a hearty lunch, prepared my food got a spoon and fork, and ouch! I can’t even bite what I’m eating; I was forced to skip lunch. :( It’s a good thing my Mama prepared some soft food for dinner, I was able to eat but it seems that it’s getting longer before my stomach can digest the food since I practically was not able to chew it at all.
Nothing much significant happened today…ooopsss, wait meron naman pala. I got another hair cut. Wala lang, sawa na ko sa hair na layered kaya pina-pantay ko na. A friend also came back from an out of town trip.
D is unusually quiet; hmmm…she sent not even a single text message as of this minute. I guess the girls are all minding their own businesses. Still no word from Kermit :( I really miss the frog.
Nothing much significant happened today…ooopsss, wait meron naman pala. I got another hair cut. Wala lang, sawa na ko sa hair na layered kaya pina-pantay ko na. A friend also came back from an out of town trip.
D is unusually quiet; hmmm…she sent not even a single text message as of this minute. I guess the girls are all minding their own businesses. Still no word from Kermit :( I really miss the frog.
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