June 24, 2003
It’s Manila day, so walang pasok!
Last night was just fine, though the rain poured again while am on my way home, relatively I slept earlier compared to my usual bedtime, only to wake up at around three am with an unread text message in my cell phone — June 23 23:23…was so dazed to grasp what it meant – back to sleep.
I just love holidays…spent some time being lazy – waking up late and staying in my bed for quite some time, doing nothing and staring into oblivion, thinking about nothing at all. Too bad, a ring from my cell phone disturbed my somber rest, followed by a couple of text messages from a certain Sheryl Angeles who insisted on calling me Helen. Poor me, she wouldn’t believe that I am definitely NOT Helen and I DO NOT know her. She told me that I (Helen) gave her MY cell phone number, and that we used to work together at SM! SM??? Do I read it right? Told her that I NEVER worked at SM for I’ve only had two jobs—at the CES Board and I presently work at an office in Malacañan (asking heavens to make her believe me while pressing send key). Huhuhu…imagine, she answered me with something like “akala mo ba si Gloria ka kaya ka anjan? Wag mo na nga ako lokohin, di ba u Helen Qampo” Ano raw yon??? Grabe! Mas makulit siya sa akin! Just answered her with “sorry but I am not her and I don’t think I know you”. Then a few seconds after came that beep, and whaaa…SIYA NA NAMAN! “If u not Helen, den, hu u?” Grrrr… shocks… mas makulit talaga siya sa akin… di ko na kaya… di ko na sinagot pa… grrrr… So I was left home alone, since my younger bros went to school and my parents were also out. Was supposed to do some official work, but thought the weather is too hot to stay in my room and use the PC, so I bored myself switching between channel surfing on the TV and FM band. I finally settled for a re-run of CRoC at ZOE TV 11…it’s better than watching those noontime shows or shake rattle and roll 2 (speaking of ZOE, catch my crush’s show in that station last night—he he he…).
And now, I recall that I no longer have pre-paid credits…nyehehe…bukas na lang ako magpo-post.
Wednesday, June 25, 2003
Sunday, June 22, 2003
To forget is not exactly the wholesome way to grow in the process of forgiving. You cannot forgive what you refuse to remember, just as you cannot heal a wound, which you had to notice.
Just when I thought that everything would be fine, I am now faced with the sad reality that it isn’t over. Sometimes, the very people whom you thought you can depend on or those whom you choose to be with are not exactly what you thought they are. Sometimes, you just have to face the truth that you regret the choices you’ve made in the past. What makes it harder is the fact that you once looked up to that person and gave her/him much respect as you admire her/him. You may have even wished to follow her/his footsteps, only to wake up one day realizing that after all, she/he’s not what you thought she/he is. Perhaps it was a blessing that I didn’t end up where I really wanted to go—a real illustration of a blessing in disguise. Sometimes I don’t know where to put my self, I mean I’ve tried and am trying to do even more than am supposed to but in the end, I end up facing the sad truth that I failed. Perhaps what makes it hard for me to accept is that I really used to like that person much, and even used to exchange text messages with h** during special occasions, and sometimes just kinda sweet nothings. But poor me, that was before. Recent occurrences prove to me that the person’s not worth it anyway, and it affects me so much. What makes it harder for me is that I don’t even know what I’ve done for that person to treat me that way.
Well, guess it’s time to say my line—“I WASN’T BORN TO PLEASE YOU.” And life should go. I Still have tasks to do, roads to take, persons to meet, lessons to learn, dreams to reach, and ambitions to fulfill. And I don’t want to grow up like you, for I don’t want to have another poor soul to feel exactly the way I feel like now someday.
Just when I thought that everything would be fine, I am now faced with the sad reality that it isn’t over. Sometimes, the very people whom you thought you can depend on or those whom you choose to be with are not exactly what you thought they are. Sometimes, you just have to face the truth that you regret the choices you’ve made in the past. What makes it harder is the fact that you once looked up to that person and gave her/him much respect as you admire her/him. You may have even wished to follow her/his footsteps, only to wake up one day realizing that after all, she/he’s not what you thought she/he is. Perhaps it was a blessing that I didn’t end up where I really wanted to go—a real illustration of a blessing in disguise. Sometimes I don’t know where to put my self, I mean I’ve tried and am trying to do even more than am supposed to but in the end, I end up facing the sad truth that I failed. Perhaps what makes it hard for me to accept is that I really used to like that person much, and even used to exchange text messages with h** during special occasions, and sometimes just kinda sweet nothings. But poor me, that was before. Recent occurrences prove to me that the person’s not worth it anyway, and it affects me so much. What makes it harder for me is that I don’t even know what I’ve done for that person to treat me that way.
Well, guess it’s time to say my line—“I WASN’T BORN TO PLEASE YOU.” And life should go. I Still have tasks to do, roads to take, persons to meet, lessons to learn, dreams to reach, and ambitions to fulfill. And I don’t want to grow up like you, for I don’t want to have another poor soul to feel exactly the way I feel like now someday.
Thursday, June 19, 2003
Hmmm...ano kaya ang iniisip ko that time? Kakatawa, that's how I write more than three years ago. I guess D and DR would appreciate this one...right dear friends?
Oh well, am still awake. I just can't sleep kahit I'm sleepy na. It's just that I am still upset and I don't wanna sleep feeling like this. bakit nga kaya may ibang taong ang happiness nila nakukuha at the expense of another person? Siguro nga not all people are sensitive enough to sense that it's not funny anymore. Is it a coincidence that D is also upset? Hey D, hope we'll be fine soon...as always friend, life goes on. Wala lang, surf na lang muna ako and check my e-mails.
Oh well, am still awake. I just can't sleep kahit I'm sleepy na. It's just that I am still upset and I don't wanna sleep feeling like this. bakit nga kaya may ibang taong ang happiness nila nakukuha at the expense of another person? Siguro nga not all people are sensitive enough to sense that it's not funny anymore. Is it a coincidence that D is also upset? Hey D, hope we'll be fine soon...as always friend, life goes on. Wala lang, surf na lang muna ako and check my e-mails.
from the box...
While browsing some old stuff late at night, I got hold of a folder containing some of my college stuffs like letters, songs, class cards, etc. I also saw this piece dated March 3, 2000:
Gaya ng dati, malulungkot na naman ako. Hindi dahil makakalayo na kami ng mga kaibigan ko. Alam ko namang magkikita-kita pa kami at magkaka-usap sa telepono. Pero, ayaw ko lang talaga ang Abril at ang Mayo.
Umulan sana para hindi mainit. Kapag umuulan, sumisilip ako sa bintana pinagmamasdan ko ang bawat patak nito na bumabagsak sa sementong bakuran sa tapat ng aking silid.
Iniisip ko, sana tulad ng mumunting patak ng ulan, tumulo rin ang aking luha. Hindi dahil nalulungkot ako at magkakalayo na kami ng mga kaibigan ko. Gusto ko lang umiyak, ‘yun may ibang dahilan, na kung ano man ‘yon, hindi ko alam. Kaya nga hindi ako maiyak.
Lumuluha lang naman ako kapag napapagalitan ako ng Mama ko. Madalas naluluha rin ako kapag napupuwing ang mga mata ko. Nung minsan, naluha ako dahil na-semonan ako ng teacher ko sa klase. At ang huli, noong namatay yun alaga kong aso.
Lagi namang umuulan kapag Hunyo. Pero hindi ko pa rin alam kung paano akong maiiyak. Buti pa yun kaklase ko noong 4th year high school, umiyak siya dahil hindi siya nakasama sa honor roll.
Ewan ko ba kung bakit gusto kong umiyak. Yun iba nga sawang-sawa na sa kaiiyak, ako, hindi pa rin makahanap ng dahilan para lumuha.
Rail-road crossing na, malapit na naman akong bumaba ng FX. Ilang araw ko na lang tatahakin ang mahabang kalye ng España. Akala ko noon, mas mahaba ang pinag-dugtong na Commonwealth Avenue (mula Don Antonio) at Quezon Avenue, kasama ang half circle ng Elliptical Road…mas mahaba pala ang España, mula Mabuhay Rotonda hanggang UST!
Malapit na naman palang matapos ang semester. Ano na naman kaya ang grade ko sa class card? Sana naman matataas ang makuha ko, para sa susunod na semester eh tumaas rin ang baon ko
Oo nga pala, 4th year na ulit ako.Hindi na pala ako hihingi ng baon sa Mama ko sa susunod na semester, dahil nga gra-graduate na ako. Ang bilis naman ng panahon.
Tulad ng isang ibon, muli akong lilipad kapag tumila na ang ulan. Patuloy kong ikakampay ang aking mga pakpak upang maglakbay. Babaunin ko ang bawat aral na aking natutunan sa patuloy kong pagtahak sa landas ng buhay. Hindi ko rin kalilimutan na tawagan ang aking mga kaibigan na nakasama ko sa bawat lungkot at kaligayahan, sa bawat pangarap, sa bawat panaginip, sa bawat araw na natutunan ko kung paanong magbahagi ng parte ng aking buhay.
Natuklasan ko na hindi ko pala gusto ang lasa ng kang-kong. Maghihintay na lang ako na magtinda ng tilapia sa Jollibee—tiyak na matutuwa si Millete! Sana, makakita rin si Sansu ng mas batang matsing. Kailan ko kaya maririnig si Jhoei na kumanta ng “if you leave me now…?” Sana makilala na ni Ate Paz ang kapatid ng pagong para i-style ang hair niya. Si Kat kaya, kailang malalagyan ng letter ang question mark niya?
Sana pag-alis ko, hindi na ako maiyak. Gusto kong umalis ng may ngiting nagmumula sa puso at nasasalamin sa mga mata. Hindi na ako malulungkot. Iisipin ko na lang na balang araw, babalik din ako -- maaaring upang gunitain ang masasayang araw ng nakalipas, o pwede rin namang upang gumawa ng mga bago, mas masaya, at matamis na ala-ala...
Gaya ng dati, malulungkot na naman ako. Hindi dahil makakalayo na kami ng mga kaibigan ko. Alam ko namang magkikita-kita pa kami at magkaka-usap sa telepono. Pero, ayaw ko lang talaga ang Abril at ang Mayo.
Umulan sana para hindi mainit. Kapag umuulan, sumisilip ako sa bintana pinagmamasdan ko ang bawat patak nito na bumabagsak sa sementong bakuran sa tapat ng aking silid.
Iniisip ko, sana tulad ng mumunting patak ng ulan, tumulo rin ang aking luha. Hindi dahil nalulungkot ako at magkakalayo na kami ng mga kaibigan ko. Gusto ko lang umiyak, ‘yun may ibang dahilan, na kung ano man ‘yon, hindi ko alam. Kaya nga hindi ako maiyak.
Lumuluha lang naman ako kapag napapagalitan ako ng Mama ko. Madalas naluluha rin ako kapag napupuwing ang mga mata ko. Nung minsan, naluha ako dahil na-semonan ako ng teacher ko sa klase. At ang huli, noong namatay yun alaga kong aso.
Lagi namang umuulan kapag Hunyo. Pero hindi ko pa rin alam kung paano akong maiiyak. Buti pa yun kaklase ko noong 4th year high school, umiyak siya dahil hindi siya nakasama sa honor roll.
Ewan ko ba kung bakit gusto kong umiyak. Yun iba nga sawang-sawa na sa kaiiyak, ako, hindi pa rin makahanap ng dahilan para lumuha.
Rail-road crossing na, malapit na naman akong bumaba ng FX. Ilang araw ko na lang tatahakin ang mahabang kalye ng España. Akala ko noon, mas mahaba ang pinag-dugtong na Commonwealth Avenue (mula Don Antonio) at Quezon Avenue, kasama ang half circle ng Elliptical Road…mas mahaba pala ang España, mula Mabuhay Rotonda hanggang UST!
Malapit na naman palang matapos ang semester. Ano na naman kaya ang grade ko sa class card? Sana naman matataas ang makuha ko, para sa susunod na semester eh tumaas rin ang baon ko
Oo nga pala, 4th year na ulit ako.Hindi na pala ako hihingi ng baon sa Mama ko sa susunod na semester, dahil nga gra-graduate na ako. Ang bilis naman ng panahon.
Sayang, nag-eenjoy pa naman kami ng mga kaibigan ko sa panonood ng ibon at pagong na nasa UST. Meron din palang electroluxman doon, kaya lang, nitong huling semester lang naming sila napansin.
Eh, hindi na rin namin makikita ng malapitan ang buwan. Wala pa rin kaming naihahandang kandila, baka magbrown-out. Gusto sana ni Millete ng tilapia, kaya lang, wala naman tindang gano’n sa Jollibee Asturias.
Basta ang alam ko, ito ang pinakamasayang semester ko sa UST. Siguro dahil marami kaming napaglilibangan. Ilan nga kaya ang damit ng pagong? Buti pa ang ibon, hindi mo mabilang at may sari-sari pang kulay. Kailan kaya kami aalukin nung electroluxman? Gusto pa naman yata ni Sansu ng vacuum cleaner. Kailangan palang maghanda ng kandila dahil baka matinik si Millete sa pagkain ng tilapia kung sakaling bigla na naman takpan ng quarter moon ang liwanag ng araw.
Ano kaya ang lasa ng kang-kong? Paborito raw ‘yon ng pagong eh. Natutuwa talaga ako sa isang pagong na madalas kong makita sa UST. Eh bagay pala sa pagong ang umupo sa upuuan nun mamang mahilig maghanap ng ID.
Sayang, tapos na halos ang semester, at gra-graduate na kami. Hindi na naming makikita ang pagong at ang ibon. Hindi na rin makakabili ng vacuum cleaner si Sansu, at hindi pa rin siya nakikinig sa amin kapag sinasabi namin na matanda na yun matsing sa UST. Bakit parang napakabilis ng panahon? Tapos na pala ang semester at hindi na kami papasok sa paaralan.
Tuloy, malulungkot na naman ako. Pero hindi dahil makakahiwalay na kami ng mga kaibigan ko, alam ko naman na magkikita pa rin kami o magkaka-usap sa telepono. Hindi rin dahil malapit na ang Abril at ang Mayo.
Inaabangan kong muling pumatak ang ulan.Tulad ng dati, sisilip ako sa aking bintana upang muling pagmasdan ang bawat butyl ng ulang bumabagsak mula sa kalangitan. Siguro, maaari na akong lumuha nang may dahilan. Sa tingin ko, sapat na ang dahilan ko para maiyak.
Ang hirap palang magpaalam kapag hindi mo pa nakakasama yun taong dapat mo nang kalimutan. Yun bang, ayaw mong magkahiwalay kayo dahil hindi pa kayo nagkakasama.Maaari palang nasa harap mo na ang isang tao pero hindi mo pa rin maabot. Bakit nga kaya hindi?
Nawa’y muling bumuhos ang ulan sa lalong madaling panahon. Nawa’y tuluyang umagos ang bawat patak nito patungo sa karagatan. Hindi na ako muling magmamasid sa bawat patak nito sa tapat ng aking bintana. Sasalubungin ko ang bawat patak nito upang pag-takpan ang pag-agos ng luha mula sa aking mga mata. Nawa, kasabay ng ulan ay tuluyang umagos sa malawak na karagatan ang aking luha, kasama ang bawat ala-ala ng katahimikang nagturo sa akin kung paano ang mangarap.
Tulad ng isang ibon, muli akong lilipad kapag tumila na ang ulan. Patuloy kong ikakampay ang aking mga pakpak upang maglakbay. Babaunin ko ang bawat aral na aking natutunan sa patuloy kong pagtahak sa landas ng buhay. Hindi ko rin kalilimutan na tawagan ang aking mga kaibigan na nakasama ko sa bawat lungkot at kaligayahan, sa bawat pangarap, sa bawat panaginip, sa bawat araw na natutunan ko kung paanong magbahagi ng parte ng aking buhay.
Natuklasan ko na hindi ko pala gusto ang lasa ng kang-kong. Maghihintay na lang ako na magtinda ng tilapia sa Jollibee—tiyak na matutuwa si Millete! Sana, makakita rin si Sansu ng mas batang matsing. Kailan ko kaya maririnig si Jhoei na kumanta ng “if you leave me now…?” Sana makilala na ni Ate Paz ang kapatid ng pagong para i-style ang hair niya. Si Kat kaya, kailang malalagyan ng letter ang question mark niya?
Sana pag-alis ko, hindi na ako maiyak. Gusto kong umalis ng may ngiting nagmumula sa puso at nasasalamin sa mga mata. Hindi na ako malulungkot. Iisipin ko na lang na balang araw, babalik din ako -- maaaring upang gunitain ang masasayang araw ng nakalipas, o pwede rin namang upang gumawa ng mga bago, mas masaya, at matamis na ala-ala...
Sometimes life gets so blah...blah...blah...You don't have to drop names...huh, what a nice idea...funny isn't it? yeah, so cruel. As Gary V puts it...you gotta shout for joy...yeah, fine...And just when I wanna post something into this chatterbox, off it goes...this day's a big DUH!
Okay, days ago I was happy...yeah, everyday's a tiring and yet happy day. Heard some news about the great geribear. I dunno, I was just glad to hear the news about him. My friend told me that he's cute and neat (ows?). He he he... shocks, naalala ko na naman tuloy siya! Geribear is among those persons who added color to my not so colorful college life...he he he...D and DR should know! Needless to say, he's my great crush (blush...blush...). He he he...well, I was just a child then (ngyek!). Now, back to today. I just feel so tired and completely *^*%*, add to that that I feel so sleepy and overly (*^*%&$&^. But atleast, I've made someone happy (uh, am not sure if isa lang)...thanks for the stupid joke, master of deception, aka the devil in disguise. Sh*^. I hate this, I completely hate this. Maybe I should get some sleep.
Okay, days ago I was happy...yeah, everyday's a tiring and yet happy day. Heard some news about the great geribear. I dunno, I was just glad to hear the news about him. My friend told me that he's cute and neat (ows?). He he he... shocks, naalala ko na naman tuloy siya! Geribear is among those persons who added color to my not so colorful college life...he he he...D and DR should know! Needless to say, he's my great crush (blush...blush...). He he he...well, I was just a child then (ngyek!). Now, back to today. I just feel so tired and completely *^*%*, add to that that I feel so sleepy and overly (*^*%&$&^. But atleast, I've made someone happy (uh, am not sure if isa lang)...thanks for the stupid joke, master of deception, aka the devil in disguise. Sh*^. I hate this, I completely hate this. Maybe I should get some sleep.
Wednesday, June 18, 2003
Sunday, June 15, 2003
random thoughts
I'm still full after eating a hearty dinner! I dunno what’s wrong with my Papa. Perhaps he’s just making pa-cute again. Well, he’s just like that, better nga na ganyan na lang siya than magsungit na naman. Uh, maybe because it’s father’s day—narinig ko na naman ang kanyang tinig habang umaawit ng mga lumang aawitin! (he he he…) Well, he’s got the voice naman eh, hmmm…bakit kaya di ko nakuha?
Anyway, I spent last night at my friend's place in Pasig. Uh well, I didn’t go to the wedding, I sent my youngest brother to accompany my Mama instead. But before I can even leave home to go to my friend’s place, I have to play the role of a yaya for the little boy (uh, not really little for he’s already eleven). So we had a night of bonding at my friend’s place, just talking and eating and watching TV with a bottle of Island Punch. D and I had a good laugh at DR because she practically drunk the punch as if she’s gulping a glass of coca cola, then she said that her head aches. We slept ‘til nine in the morning. We plan to go out one of these days and go bowling hopefully, with K.
Dropped by Mega Mall to buy some stuff on my way home. Also had two rolls of film developed, but I still have one more to bring to the photo lab maybe tomorrow, if my sched permits. I have a busy week ahead, with the board meeting set on Thursday…gotta have some rest.
Anyway, I spent last night at my friend's place in Pasig. Uh well, I didn’t go to the wedding, I sent my youngest brother to accompany my Mama instead. But before I can even leave home to go to my friend’s place, I have to play the role of a yaya for the little boy (uh, not really little for he’s already eleven). So we had a night of bonding at my friend’s place, just talking and eating and watching TV with a bottle of Island Punch. D and I had a good laugh at DR because she practically drunk the punch as if she’s gulping a glass of coca cola, then she said that her head aches. We slept ‘til nine in the morning. We plan to go out one of these days and go bowling hopefully, with K.
Dropped by Mega Mall to buy some stuff on my way home. Also had two rolls of film developed, but I still have one more to bring to the photo lab maybe tomorrow, if my sched permits. I have a busy week ahead, with the board meeting set on Thursday…gotta have some rest.
Saturday, June 14, 2003
Memories of M on Friday the 13th [June 13, 2003]
It’s Friday the thirteenth, thirty-five past eleven in the evening and I just can’t sleep. Unluckily, I couldn't connect to the internet because the phone line is not connected to the PC. But am happy now that the PC is already inside my room, I can use it anytime I like even in the wee hours of the night ‘til dawn. Well I think I’ll miss another bonding session with my college friends tomorrow. We’re supposed to spend a day and night together somewhere in Pasig, but I recall that I am supposed to attend a wedding in the afternoon. Poor me, I haven’t told my friend yet about it, but I guess my friend will be mad at me (argh!).
This morning, I woke up with a text message from M, greeting me good morning and take care. Ha ha…what a day! Since it’s a holiday, I spent more time lying in my bed, thinking about my college days with M. Well, he’s a perfect subject for the song “muntik na kitang minahal.” Corny as it may seem, but it’s true. I guess M would laugh if he reads this blog! Was it my fault that I didn’t get what he meant, or was it his fault that he never told me exactly what he meant? I don’t know, maybe it no longer matters now. We never really had the chance to talk seriously, and Jhoei told me that it's quite impossible for that to happen because I always turn him down; she would then recite a rundown of all those times which she said might have caused M to think that I practically hate him: like pretending not to see or hear anything and look annoyed when he makes pa-cute, and the nights when I snubbed him and walked away when he volunteered to escort me home after our late night practice for our play in Literature.
I never really hated M, truth is I find him cute, has a great sense of humor, talented and smart. Smoker nga lang siya, and at times sobrang weird at makulit pero okay lang, cute naman ang dating. One more thing that I liked about M was the way he touch my hair (eh, weakness ko yata yun?!) -- well, it used to be long until one day, I had it cut veeeeery short. (But now am thinking, hindi kaya type lang ni M na I-relax and hair ko o kaya lagyan ng highlights!?—shocks, kainis!). M used to call me his princess (he he he…and he’s my mother, the queen—huhuhu, bading!?), and tell me that he’s getting good grades because am his inspiration (blush...blush...). Several times, he called me at home during the summer break, but we never really talked simply because he can’t say anything (arrrrrgh, make up your mind please, boy ka ba or girl?!), and I can’t stay long in the phone with my Mama knowing that I am talking with a guy (it used to be bawal raw eh—he he he…).
M has left me with lots of memories na hindi ko na lang ilalagay sa blog, long story pa rin kung paano kami naging magka-text ngayon, but his Dad gave me his mobile phone number. Hindi nga lang kami mag-kita kasi he used to work in Davao, then he was assigned to Olonggapo almost two weeks before I went to Davao. I still don’t know if I really like to see him again, simply because I’m afraid na baka mas maganda pa siya sa’kin! (ngyek, ngyek, ngyek…joke!). So much about M, baka sabunutan na niya ako pag nakita niya ang blog ko. Incidentally, it’s Daddy Nubbin’s birthday today so I sent him my greetings through text. He’s nice as he’s always been, he replied with thanks. Uh well, at least I know that he appreciated my greeting, hindi yun wala lang, kaharap mo na nga eh di ka pa papansinin (duh!). Last night, I talked with D over the phone and I found out that the owner of the number that registered in my mobile phone’s missed call list on the 27th last month is no other than *****. I guess that guy is a good subject for a case study. Gotta sleep now, am sleepy already. (yawn…yawn…) | 12:52 a.m.
This morning, I woke up with a text message from M, greeting me good morning and take care. Ha ha…what a day! Since it’s a holiday, I spent more time lying in my bed, thinking about my college days with M. Well, he’s a perfect subject for the song “muntik na kitang minahal.” Corny as it may seem, but it’s true. I guess M would laugh if he reads this blog! Was it my fault that I didn’t get what he meant, or was it his fault that he never told me exactly what he meant? I don’t know, maybe it no longer matters now. We never really had the chance to talk seriously, and Jhoei told me that it's quite impossible for that to happen because I always turn him down; she would then recite a rundown of all those times which she said might have caused M to think that I practically hate him: like pretending not to see or hear anything and look annoyed when he makes pa-cute, and the nights when I snubbed him and walked away when he volunteered to escort me home after our late night practice for our play in Literature.
I never really hated M, truth is I find him cute, has a great sense of humor, talented and smart. Smoker nga lang siya, and at times sobrang weird at makulit pero okay lang, cute naman ang dating. One more thing that I liked about M was the way he touch my hair (eh, weakness ko yata yun?!) -- well, it used to be long until one day, I had it cut veeeeery short. (But now am thinking, hindi kaya type lang ni M na I-relax and hair ko o kaya lagyan ng highlights!?—shocks, kainis!). M used to call me his princess (he he he…and he’s my mother, the queen—huhuhu, bading!?), and tell me that he’s getting good grades because am his inspiration (blush...blush...). Several times, he called me at home during the summer break, but we never really talked simply because he can’t say anything (arrrrrgh, make up your mind please, boy ka ba or girl?!), and I can’t stay long in the phone with my Mama knowing that I am talking with a guy (it used to be bawal raw eh—he he he…).
M has left me with lots of memories na hindi ko na lang ilalagay sa blog, long story pa rin kung paano kami naging magka-text ngayon, but his Dad gave me his mobile phone number. Hindi nga lang kami mag-kita kasi he used to work in Davao, then he was assigned to Olonggapo almost two weeks before I went to Davao. I still don’t know if I really like to see him again, simply because I’m afraid na baka mas maganda pa siya sa’kin! (ngyek, ngyek, ngyek…joke!). So much about M, baka sabunutan na niya ako pag nakita niya ang blog ko. Incidentally, it’s Daddy Nubbin’s birthday today so I sent him my greetings through text. He’s nice as he’s always been, he replied with thanks. Uh well, at least I know that he appreciated my greeting, hindi yun wala lang, kaharap mo na nga eh di ka pa papansinin (duh!). Last night, I talked with D over the phone and I found out that the owner of the number that registered in my mobile phone’s missed call list on the 27th last month is no other than *****. I guess that guy is a good subject for a case study. Gotta sleep now, am sleepy already. (yawn…yawn…) | 12:52 a.m.
Tuesday, June 10, 2003
" Maybe this is part of that lifelong cycle called growing up, well, I don’t wanna just grow old, I know I have to grow up too..."
It’s June—besides the brides, with June comes the rain, signifying that summer is really over. That summer was real fun. I’d say I’ve coped with my new post quite fairly and I enjoyed the outings despite some hassles.
My weekend get together with my college friends was real fun, we kinda have to catch up with each one’s adventures and misfortunes, hang around starbucks while trying to figure out how my friend’s mobile phone got lost inside the mall. I miss that overnight at my friend’s house though. Well, we planned to have an outing but unfortunately, it didn’t push through. I also missed the fiesta at my grandma’s place last May 15. I also missed (for the nth time) that KKB camp in Bulacan, wherein Kuya Bong always invites me to join.
Also went to Zambales with some colleagues from the office. 'Twas a long trip considering the fact that we’re caught in traffic and there were 15 (including the driver of the hired van) of us inside the van. Anyway, save for some misadventure, that outing is worth remembering. Besides the fact that I had fun with my colleagues, I also had fun exchanging text messages with a dear cousin and a friend who happen to stay not so far away from where we went. I’d like to meet my friend sana, but on the second thought, I said no na lang (hmmm…sayang! He he he).
Our office’s PES workshop was also nice. While on our way, I was exchanging text messages with Kuya Jimmy, a high school pal, for it was Ate Grace’s birthday. I called Ate Grace to greet her and explained that am on my way for an out of town workshop. Well, sayang kasi I missed her party eh most of our HS friends came. Anyway, twas a loooooong trip all the way to the north, but it’s really worth the trip. Had another two nights of bonding with some friends (he he he…), shooting pix, swimming and dining. We also went to some tourist destinations up north, and took pictures upon pictures. The place where we stayed was real cozy—a nice place to be romantic, oh, well I think I fell in love…with the place…thought about going there with ***** (he he he). Also had fun sa pang-iinis sa roommate ko na si Auie. She always claim that I am sending her my thoughts because I almost always tend to sing the songs that she also has in mind—coincidence? I dunno, I don’t really understand, the songs just came to my mind; the first one goes like “…ngunit bakit sa tuwing ako’y lumalapit, ika’y lumalayo? Puso’y lagging nasasaktan pag may kasama kang iba…” Aahh, whatever! I also received some text messages from D—uh well, the poor soul had some problems, but being not just a phone call away from each other we had some long exchanges of text messages, well magiging okay rin yun—as always (he he he). I also received a call from an e-groupmate sa BBP. At first, I didn’t know it; he just said that he’s from ERC and invited me to go there for a job interview (twas not so long ago when my BBP papers were sent there by CSC, and I was interviewed by one of their Commissioners). I was completely torn that moment, I mean, I just got my appointment last February and now ERC is calling me again. Later on as we talked, I noticed that he’s quite friendly (unlike most of the HR people whom I have talked with regarding job applications), until he said that he’s a member of the BBP e-group. So that was it, we talked for quite sometime and I learned that he’s also new in ERC, and that he used to work at DSWD. Well, I told him that I still have to think about considering it because I just got appointed last February.
Also had some other walks, like the Davao trip for my UNICEF project. Well, 'twas my first airplane ride, and I really liked that trip and the place, uh well save for some misadventures again (ayaw ko nang sabihin ulit!). Our RBA training in Tagaytay was also nice, with that midnight session at the poolside (he he he). Auie also brought me to Roxas Blvd and we walked all the way to CCP and stayed for sometime at the breakwater. If not for the fact that it was getting late, I would have stayed there longer for I was feeling dreadfully lonely that day. 'Twas on the 15th last month, and I came home alone really late.
The past season left me with lots of memories, which I prefer to stay unpublished. I’ll admit that some of those memories made me sad, some even made me cry, but all are worth treasuring. It’s not everyday that you’ll meet people who will fill in some special place in your life, or perhaps your heart. Although sometimes those same people are the ones who make you sad, okay lang. Am still glad I’ve found them, some even became my friends, and the others, uh well, they’re part of an unforgotten past. I guess everything depends on how you view things. Often, you just have to look at it from another perspective. I know that I’ve made lots of wrong decisions and perhaps along the way may have hurt or annoyed other people, but it’s already done, I mean, I cannot do anything to change those things now. Maybe this is part of that lifelong cycle called growing up, well, I don’t wanna just grow old, I know I have to grow up too. What’s really nice is that I’ve learned a lot from all those experiences. Am also glad that I have dear friends whom I was able to share my confusions (millions of thanks to D, Mikee and my journal!). Mikee is really my darling Angel, and D is my partner in crime (no worry, we never do any crime involving moral turpitude…he he he…those legal jargons). By the way, I already have a new journal, which means, uh, D should know what it means. Gotta sleep now.
My weekend get together with my college friends was real fun, we kinda have to catch up with each one’s adventures and misfortunes, hang around starbucks while trying to figure out how my friend’s mobile phone got lost inside the mall. I miss that overnight at my friend’s house though. Well, we planned to have an outing but unfortunately, it didn’t push through. I also missed the fiesta at my grandma’s place last May 15. I also missed (for the nth time) that KKB camp in Bulacan, wherein Kuya Bong always invites me to join.
Also went to Zambales with some colleagues from the office. 'Twas a long trip considering the fact that we’re caught in traffic and there were 15 (including the driver of the hired van) of us inside the van. Anyway, save for some misadventure, that outing is worth remembering. Besides the fact that I had fun with my colleagues, I also had fun exchanging text messages with a dear cousin and a friend who happen to stay not so far away from where we went. I’d like to meet my friend sana, but on the second thought, I said no na lang (hmmm…sayang! He he he).
Our office’s PES workshop was also nice. While on our way, I was exchanging text messages with Kuya Jimmy, a high school pal, for it was Ate Grace’s birthday. I called Ate Grace to greet her and explained that am on my way for an out of town workshop. Well, sayang kasi I missed her party eh most of our HS friends came. Anyway, twas a loooooong trip all the way to the north, but it’s really worth the trip. Had another two nights of bonding with some friends (he he he…), shooting pix, swimming and dining. We also went to some tourist destinations up north, and took pictures upon pictures. The place where we stayed was real cozy—a nice place to be romantic, oh, well I think I fell in love…with the place…thought about going there with ***** (he he he). Also had fun sa pang-iinis sa roommate ko na si Auie. She always claim that I am sending her my thoughts because I almost always tend to sing the songs that she also has in mind—coincidence? I dunno, I don’t really understand, the songs just came to my mind; the first one goes like “…ngunit bakit sa tuwing ako’y lumalapit, ika’y lumalayo? Puso’y lagging nasasaktan pag may kasama kang iba…” Aahh, whatever! I also received some text messages from D—uh well, the poor soul had some problems, but being not just a phone call away from each other we had some long exchanges of text messages, well magiging okay rin yun—as always (he he he). I also received a call from an e-groupmate sa BBP. At first, I didn’t know it; he just said that he’s from ERC and invited me to go there for a job interview (twas not so long ago when my BBP papers were sent there by CSC, and I was interviewed by one of their Commissioners). I was completely torn that moment, I mean, I just got my appointment last February and now ERC is calling me again. Later on as we talked, I noticed that he’s quite friendly (unlike most of the HR people whom I have talked with regarding job applications), until he said that he’s a member of the BBP e-group. So that was it, we talked for quite sometime and I learned that he’s also new in ERC, and that he used to work at DSWD. Well, I told him that I still have to think about considering it because I just got appointed last February.
Also had some other walks, like the Davao trip for my UNICEF project. Well, 'twas my first airplane ride, and I really liked that trip and the place, uh well save for some misadventures again (ayaw ko nang sabihin ulit!). Our RBA training in Tagaytay was also nice, with that midnight session at the poolside (he he he). Auie also brought me to Roxas Blvd and we walked all the way to CCP and stayed for sometime at the breakwater. If not for the fact that it was getting late, I would have stayed there longer for I was feeling dreadfully lonely that day. 'Twas on the 15th last month, and I came home alone really late.
The past season left me with lots of memories, which I prefer to stay unpublished. I’ll admit that some of those memories made me sad, some even made me cry, but all are worth treasuring. It’s not everyday that you’ll meet people who will fill in some special place in your life, or perhaps your heart. Although sometimes those same people are the ones who make you sad, okay lang. Am still glad I’ve found them, some even became my friends, and the others, uh well, they’re part of an unforgotten past. I guess everything depends on how you view things. Often, you just have to look at it from another perspective. I know that I’ve made lots of wrong decisions and perhaps along the way may have hurt or annoyed other people, but it’s already done, I mean, I cannot do anything to change those things now. Maybe this is part of that lifelong cycle called growing up, well, I don’t wanna just grow old, I know I have to grow up too. What’s really nice is that I’ve learned a lot from all those experiences. Am also glad that I have dear friends whom I was able to share my confusions (millions of thanks to D, Mikee and my journal!). Mikee is really my darling Angel, and D is my partner in crime (no worry, we never do any crime involving moral turpitude…he he he…those legal jargons). By the way, I already have a new journal, which means, uh, D should know what it means. Gotta sleep now.
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