hindi ko na kayang masaktan pa...

Love Story in Harvard. Hindi naman talaga ako mahilig manood ng TV but I find this one interesting (like attic cat and full house) so I watch it whenever I catch it. Okay rin ang song na ginamit ng GMA para sa story...

Hindi Ko Na Kayang Masaktan Pa
Love Story in Harvard OST
Ogie Alcasid & Regine Velasquez
 
Regine:
Pinilit kong pigilin ang aking damdamin..
pagkat ika'y di na dapat pang ibigin
ikaw pala'y mayroong ibang minamahal
habang ako'y sa'ting pagmamahalan lang sumugal

Ogie:
Akala mo ito'y malayo sa katotohanan
at ang puso mo'y nakalaan para sa akin lamang
bulong ng aking isip ay wag kang magtiwala
sigaw nang puso mo'y wag umasa sa maling akala

Regine:
Hindi ko na kayang masaktan pa
hindi na maari pang ako'y gamitin na
isang sunud-sunuran sa iyong mga kagustuhan
at halos ang lahat ay ibigay ko na

Ogie:
Hindi ko na mapapayagan pa
ang puso mo'y paglaruan ng puso kong gahaman
ako'y iyong palayain at 'wag mo ng ibigin
hindi ko na makakaya ang masaktan ka

Regine:
'wag mo na sanang patagalin
'wag mo na akong linlangin

Regine & Ogie:
pagdurusang ito'y hindi na makakaya

Regine:
Hindi ko na kayang masaktan pa (hindi makakaya)
hindi na maari pang ako'y gamitin na
isang sunud-sunuran sa iyong mga kagustuhan (isang sunud-sunuran)
at halos ang lahat ay ibigay ko na

Ogie:
oohh… Hindi ko na mapapayagan pa (hindi ko na kaya)
ang puso mo'y paglaruan ng puso kong gahaman
ako'y iyong palayain at 'wag mo ng ibigin (ako'y iyong palayain)

Regine & Ogie:
hindi ko na makakaya ang masaktan ka..aahh..

on letting go

To Let Go doesn't mean to stop caring; it means I can't do it for someone else.

To Let Go is not to cut myself off; it's the realization that I can't control another.

To Let Go is not to enable, but to allow learning from natural consequences.

To Let Go is to admit powerlessness, which means the outcome is not in my hands.

To Let Go is not to try to change or blame another; it's to make the most of myself.

To Let Go is not to care for, but to care about.

To Let Go is not to fix, but to be supportive.

To Let Go is not to judge, but to allow another to be a human being.

To Let Go is not to be in the middle arranging all the outcomes, but to allow others to affect their own destinies.

To Let Go is not to be protective; it is to permit another to face reality.

To Let Go is not to deny, but to accept.

To Let Go is not to nag, scold, or argue, but instead to search out my own shortcomings and correct them.

To Let Go is not to adjust everything to my desires, but to take each day as it comes, and to cherish myself in it.

To Let Go is not to regret the past, but to grow and live for the future.

To Let Go is to fear less and to love more.

I browsed through this article while net surfing. It’s from one of the threads of recovery resources online. The author wasn’t named though.

Dependency

Dependency may appear to be love because it is a force that causes people to fiercely attach themselves to one another. But in actuality it is not love; it is a form of antilove. It has its genesis in a parental failure to love and it perpetuates the failure. It seeks to receive rather than to give. It nourishes infantilism rather than growth. It works to trap and constrict rather than to liberate. Ultimately it destroys rather than builds people.

--m. scott peck, the road less travelled

wanted: closure

Ang tagal ko nang di nag-post ng developments sa blog na ito. I wonder, kung tinuluy-tuloy ko kaya ang pagsulat rito..naiwasan ko kayang mangyari ang lahat ng nangyari? CLOSURE. Paano?

Separate Lives

Pinahiram ako ni Lola Maecel ng CD na The Art of Letting Go at ito ang pinakikinggan ko ngayon. May naalala lang ako sa kantang “separate lives.” Way back in college, sa typing class, our Prof. asked us to type our favorite song at ito yun ginawa ng seatmate ko. Sabi ko, “ang sad naman nun.”

You called me from the room in your hotel
all full of romance for someone that you've met
and telling me how sorry you were
leaving so soon, and that you miss me sometimes
when you're alone in your room
Do I feel lonely to?

You have no right to ask me how I feel
You have no right to speak to me so kind
We can't go on, holding on to ties
So for now we'll going on living separate lives

Well I held on, to let you go
and if you lost your love for me
you never let it show, oh no
there's no way to compromise
so now we're living separate lives


Ooh, it's so typical, love leads to isolation
so you build that wall, yes you build that wall
and you make it stronger

You have no right to ask me how I feel
You have no right to speak to me so kind


Someday I might find myself looking in your eyes
But for now we'll go on living separate lives
Yes for now we'll go on living separate lives
“for now we’ll go on living separate lives.”

…three days after turning 18, he took his own life :_(

Through It All

Been crying...memories of the past dance to and fro in my mind...pieces of my broken heart are thrown all over the timeless bounds of dreams...then hey, this touched me..

You are forever in my life
You see me through the seasons
Cover me with Your hand
And lead me in Your righteousness

And I look to You
And I wait on You

I'll sing to You Lord
A hymn of Love
For Your faithfulness to me
I'm carried in everlasting arms
You'll never let me go
Through it all

Hmm...feeling better..i guess so..naubos na ata tears from my eyes..hehe..life goes on..and on..

Sabi nun nag-preach kanina maraming tao ang nagsasabing mahirap sundin yun mga sinasabi sa bible..halimbawa yun 'love your enemies'. Ma-pride raw kasi ang mga tao; mas gusto gumanti kesa mag-kiss and make-up. Ang dali maka-relate 'di ba? Tinamaan yata ako run! Paano naman fresh na fresh pa yun sakit noh!

Pero as Christians, dapat we are a new creation in Christ eh. Instead of pride, there is humility. Pero, bakit nga ba mahirap tanggapin ng sorry niya? Siguro dahil mas naka-focus ako sa pain na nararamdaman ko. Siguro dahil galit ako; then what happens next? Wala lang. Hindi ko alam.

Tinanong niya ko last night kung ano pwede niyang gawin para mabawasan yun pain na nararamdaman ko. Sabi ko, hindi ko alam. Hindi ko talaga alam eh; nakatulog nga akong umiiyak. Hmm..sa isang banda, nakabuti rin yun sa physical condition ng mata ko kasi nawash-out na ata mga virus/bacteria ng tears ko..hehe..di na makati mata ko! 

Teka, going back, wala naman siguro talaga siyang pwedeng gawin para mabawasan yun pain eh, Nagsorry naman siya sa'kin; sana lang sincere siya sa sinabi niya. I mean, sana 'wag na lang niya ulitin sa iba (at sana lang mabasa rin niya ito). I may be that bratinela at times pero hindi naman ako ganun kasama para magalit sa kanya forever. And I may often act childlike pero hindi rin ako ganun ka-immature para maging bitter, sirain ang life ko or to just jump from one relationship to another. So Mich my dear friend need not worry about that; I can manage, promise. And I guess Mich was right when she told me before that love isn't enough to have a romantic relationship with someone. Yep he told me that love niya ko; what he meant by that love, I don't know. And yes, I did tell him what I feel pero ganun lang yun. 'Di ko na lang elaborate lahat and just keep that between us..bottomline, tama si Mich. Hindi lang naman kasi love ang kailangan to make that work. Hmmm..save ko na lang yun topic na yun for another entry kasi medyo pina-process pa ng utak ko.

Now about forgiveness (which is one of my main points when i started this post..shocks..see how this brain of mine functions? parang roller coaster!). I guess I learned something from the book Tuesdays with Morrie (thanks Abi!). Sabi sa book, "learn to detach. detachment doesn't mean you don't let the experience penetrate you. on the contrary, you let it penetrate you fully. that's how you are able to leave it." Yep, I cried a lot. Siyempre, masakit eh! (and am not ashamed of it). Then what's next? Tapos na. Although it still bugs me 'pag bigla ko naaalala, okay lang yun. At least feeling ko tao talaga ko at hindi robot! (hehehe..may mga nilalang kasi na ina-assume na robot ako eh pero save ko na lang din yun for another entry!). I am leaving that experience behind; but not the learning. I am leaving the pain; but not the treasure of friendship and the joy and warmth that it once brought to my life. Wala naman talaga siyang magagawa para mabawasan yun pain na naramdaman ko kasi ako lang ang pwedeng gumawa nun. And yes, i forgave him na. Bilis noh? power yun ni Lord! Pasaway lang ako madalas pero i have faith in HIM naman. Isa pa, mahirap yun maraming galit at sama ng loob na dinadala; mabigat yun tsaka dagdag problema lang!

And so, life goes on. Ayos na 'yun. Sabi nga eh, "all things work together for good to those who love the Lord." 

And to my ex-future-boyfriend, again am quoting from the book Tuesdays with Morrie: "the most important thing in life is to learn how to give out love, and let it come in. let it come in. we think we don't deserve love, we think if we let it in, we'll become too soft. but a wise man named Levine said it right. he said, 'love is the only rational act'."  Face your problem man. You're never alone; it's just that you're shutting the door of your heart. I still believe you have it, in spite of everything. While trying to protect the people you love, you're bringing pain not only to them but to yourself. Remember, we are not bad, we just think that we are so we live it out..but hey, we're NOT! May you find the real courage to deal with baggage from your past so that people around you now and in the future may not be bothered by ghosts from the past.