what a blog is...

My alternate world in the virtual realm...where I run to...to forget everything even for a while.

Non sequitur

Unrealistic expectations are among the things that make me this stressed. Yep, I might be good at doing something but will that mean that I can do all the things that they want me to do? Non sequitur.

nothing to write...

What a tiring long day.

I can't say that I am feeling better now. hmm.. I want to take a break!

rekindling the fire...I'm lost for now

I can't remember a time in my life when I've been this burnt out. I feel so tired, physically, emotionally, mentally. The thing is, I am not the usual pessimist. I consider myself as one who finds hope in the midst of the storm -- to -- like a river, just go with the flow, like a bamboo plant sway with the wind -- of obstacles and trials.

I usually find joy and satisfaction in diving into new projects; in satisfying my desire to learn by actually doing things.

I usually believe that life, despite the complexities in this world can be simple.

I usually trust that somewhere in the hearts of people, there is genuine kindness and compassion for their brethren.

But seems like the rose color of my glasses have faded for now. I feel so tired but it seems like I still fall short of what is expected of me. I try to keep cool, yep--they see me smile or play or laugh out loud or just act like a child but deep inside I feel so damn swamped with responsibilities impossible for a normal person to meet. This is not the life that I want. I am not asking for an easy life, but I do want a life. I feel so much burdened now, I can't help but cry. I feel so alone and frustrated over these things. I feel like I am not doing what am supposed to do.

Oh God, please..I need lots of strength, hope, wisdom and guidance. I don't think I can go on with this kind of life.

On the Death of President Corazon C. Aquino

Since the former President died, I can't help but cry when ever I hear reports about what's happening at her wake and funeral. I remember one time, I was on board an fx, my daily commute to the office..they played a series of audio clips which I think were statements that she made before..then they played the song "magkaisa" which is also known as the people power revolt song. I just realized that I was on the verge of crying out loud. Anyway, I still can't help but feel the same until now. It's not that am a true blue Cory supporter nor was I among the crowd who trooped to EDSA in 1986. I was still too young then to understand what's happening. Perhaps I was just like my nephew, Jonathan who just felt bad that he cannot watch his dose of cartoons since every single local channel is airing their own coverage of the funeral. Back in 1986, all that I remember is that we don't have classes and that most of my childhood buddies' fathers were gone. They say that they are on red alert..most of them are members of the military. EDSA people power is nothing to me but color yellow and the "L" sign coupled with the song magkaisa and handog ng pilipino sa mundo (my bad, I am not even sure if those were the titles!). Cory Aquino was President when I entered Grade 1 until I completed my elementary schooling. I remember that her administration was not a perfect one and was often challenged. I remember the frequent brownouts due to power crisis. I remember the coup attempts, which back then was nothing to me but a time to marvel and revel on the fact that aircrafts which we, the kids in our gillage call the "tora-tora" are going to and fro on the sky above us. I remember the "burloloy building" which the way I understand it then was built to protect the President from those to try to assassinate her. I remember the libel suit vs the journalist who announced on air that the President is hiding under her bed. And I remember the campaign jingle of the Senatorial candidates in the election after the restoration of democracy. I remember those things, but not their significance in history. Yes, some were discussed in History class but then, no one ever said that History is my favorite subject back then. :)

Why am I crying over this event anyway? Perhaps because I am no longer the carefree child that I used to be. Perhaps because I am more concerned now. Perhaps because I just love this country and the Filipino people inspite of all.