Sunday, January 03, 2016

Of New Years and New Beginnings

24 posts for 2015, with a long entry complete with photos on the 1st of January. Today's the 3rd and here I am, still unsure of what to write for my first post of the year. I have no plans of making a list of resolutions for the new year -- I am not good at following through resolutions anyway. I used to dread inventing writing rehashing writing such back in grade school for English and Filipino subjects.

2015 has been bitter and sweet for me.

Bitter because of frustrations and challenges. Ito 'yun taon na I had people around na mas pinili pa talagang i-rub-off ang kulang sa akin kesa sa kung ano ang meron at ano ang posible at pwedeng gawan ng paraan. There I said it in the open -- oo, disappointed, insulted, and offended ako, and if not for two major obligations that I have to fulfill, I would have called it quits. Yes, I could have fought for it pero I chose not to; useless battle lang kasi at ayaw ko na ma-drain kung ano pa ang natitira kong energy at faith in humanity. Ito rin 'yun taon na ang dami kong tanong which were left unanswered. I also realized that there are many things on earth which are not what they seem to be, and that finding balance is difficult in the midst of competition. Mas gusto ko kasi 'yun ginagawa ko lang ang dapat at kailangan gawin; masaya na ako sa ganun, hindi ko talaga trip sa buhay ang competition at paghahangan ng award. Pero ito ang harsh reality sa mundong ibabaw -- we are pushed to compete, if not for merits, it is for survival. Hindi naman ako ganun ka-naive na ngayon ko lang napagtanto 'yan -- masyado ko lang damang-dama 'yan ngayon sa iba't-ibang aspects ng life ko.

Pero kahit na maraming dahilan ng bitterness sa buhay, I still choose to revel on its sweet side. On a more positive note, marami rin naman akong natawid na pagsubok sa life. Nagpapasalamat pa rin ako dahil may mga taong nagtiwala at sumuporta. Thankful ako sa mga tao na nagbigay ng ngiti sa aking mga labi at ligaya sa aking puso. Masaya at hopeful dahil may chance ulit na balikan ang aking second love -- ang pagsulat (science and technology talaga kasi ang first love ko, pero na-frustrate ako dahil kakambal niya ang mathematics!). Natuwa sa mga byahe; sa mga lugar at adventure na first time ko napuntahan at nasubukan. Marami rin mabubuting bagay at balita sa mga taong malapit sa akin -- mula sa materyal na bagay at promotion sa trabaho, hanggang sa aspetong spiritual at pag-ibig -- I am genuinely joyful for all of them; nakaka-inspire at nakaka-renew ng hope in humanity.

As for 2016, we'll see...


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