For an Angel who once asked…



“They often say that love is a happy light feeling. But why is it that sometimes it is inevitable to cry and feel the pain? Is it possible to just not fall in love instead?”



I think sometime ago, I wrote a blog with a quote that somehow asks that same question. A year and few days back, I posted this quote from the book what to do with life after high school, “why continue to love when it invariably ends up hurting so incredibly? Because not to love is to die? But isn’t it that to do so also brings the same result? Inside, I know there is a point and that it is the only way to live but the same aching soul asks, “what’s the use?”



Well, it is truly a mystery why we fall in love, how it happens, and when it comes. We cannot understand why some love grows and why some love fails. Sure, we try to analyze and look for reasons and causes; we try to figure out what went wrong. We want to find answers where there are none.



Pero sabi nga eh, just as life itself is more than the sum of the bones and muscles and electrical impulses in the body, love is more than the sum of the interests and attractions and commonalties that two people share. And just as life itself is a gift that comes and goes in its own time, so too, the coming of love must be taken as an unfathomable gift that cannot be questioned in its ways. – gusting-gusto ko ang lines na ito.



Well, siguro, at least once in our life - the gift of love will come. We will take hold of it and celebrate it in an inexpressible joy. Sino ba namang normal na tao ang hindi nangarap na dumating ang araw na ito? Nakakalungkot nga lang kasi kadalasan, love comes and takes hold of you, celebrate you for a brief moment, then TADAN!!! -- it moves on. More often than not, we try to grasp the love and hold unto it, refusing to see that love is a gift that is freely given and a gift that just as freely, moves away.



Minsan dumarating yun point na yun minamahal natin nag-fall out of love yun bang they feel that the spirit of love is leaving their hearts. Madalas, ang reaction natin is to try desperately to reclaim the love that is lost, rather than to accept the love/relationship for what it was, then move on. Tinatanong natin kung ano ang nagawa natin kaya nagbago ang damdamin nila; minsan, pinipilit natin silang mag-bago para sa atin, o baguhin ang sarili natin para ma-meet ang expectations nila, thinking na sa pamamagitan nito ay maibabalik yun dating pagmamahalan.



Hindi natin matanggap na wala nang iba pang dahilan ang lahat ng ito, kundi ang hiwaga lamang ng pag-ibig (napakagandang salita nito!), sa halip, pilit natin binibigyang dahilan ang lahat. Pero siguro nga tama sila na not until we learn to accept love in its own mysterious ways, we live in a sea of misery.



Nakakatawa, bakit ko ba naisip ang mga bagay na ito? Well dear Angel, not because I’ve never been in that kind of relationship eh I know nothing about it na, remember, we learn not only from our own experience but from others’ as well. Yun iba siguro, out of my own frustrations with the hassles of growing up and falling in love. Perhaps I also have my own share of heartaches, confusions and questions na at a certain point in my life I also tried to justify. Ang dami ko rin mga tanong; meron din taong nag-pagulo ng isip ko tapos, wala lang, gusto ko na lang sanang kalimutan then move on. Pero sabi ko nga sa past blog ko eh, to forget is definitely not a wholesome way in the process of forgiving. You cannot forgive what we refuse to remember; just as you cannot heal a wound that you failed to notice. Siguro, it’s really more of acceptance. We just have to accept that it happened, ginusto man natin o hindi pero, parang ang dali lang ano? Alam ko mahirap ito, kaya lang yun nga siguro ang dapat. Mas madali sigurong tanggapin ang lahat at matutong magpatawad kung nag-sorry man lang yun tao di ba? Pero paano naman kung ni hindi yata niya alam na nasaktan ka niya o, wala lang siyang paki-alam? Mas mahirap kasi yun you’ve been as honest as possible then all along joke, joke, joke lang pala ang lahat. Parang ayaw mo na tuloy magtiwala sa mga tao. Kanina parang may sense pa ang flow of thoughts ko, ngayon parang wala na.



After every thought, I still end with the same question, if love is really a happy light feeling, why is it that sometimes it is inevitable to cry and feel the pain? Is it possible to just not fall in love instead?