april 30, 2007 post from my other blog

got a message from a friend, naghahanap daw siya ng spells on how to refrain from thinking about certain people, sort of forget them na lang. kung meron man ganun, i would have wanted to try them! BUT on the second thought, HUWAG NA LANG! ayoko ng witchcraft eh. i still believe that forgetting is not exactly a wholesome way of moving on. it's much like forgiving -- hindi ako naniniwala sa kasabigang forgive and forget, or forget and forgive, or whatever. not that i haven't learned the art of forgiving, it's just that feeling ko hindi whole-hearted yun kung ang strategy mo to do so is to forget. am not claiming to know much about this process for i myself have struggled and is struggling to find my way out of this maze. siguro it's a natural part of growing up, of becoming mature enough to understand life and the complexities of dealing with people in order to survive through each day. hindi naman natin kasalanan kung along the way we meet people who eventually betray the trust that we have given them. it's not our fault that some people could be as insensitive as they could be. in the same way, hindi nila kasalanan kung hindi tayo heartless na katulad nila. that is one sad reality about dealing with people. hmmm... that's why sa ngayon i just remain silent and listen na lang. kasi i do not exactly want to tell people to just forget and move on. hindi ito ang way para sa akin, siguro better pa to accept and move on. mas mahirap yun pero baka mas okay..malay natin!

dance with me tonight

It’s been so long
Since I’ve known right from wrong
Got no job, sometimes I just sit down and sob
Wondering if anything will go right
Or will you dance with me tonight

When the sun departs
I feel a hole down in my heart
Put on some shoes
Come down here and listen to the blues
Wondering if anything will go right
Or will you dance with me tonight

I’m looking at you
You’re looking at me
We’re the only two off the dance floor
Do you see what I see
Two broken lives working in harmony
Might make for a decent time
So get up and dance with me

I know that it seems that the grass will grow
Better on the other side of the barb wire fence
But that other side is not in sight
So I’m fine with what I have now
If you’ll dance with me tonight

What’s the point of life
If risk is just a board game
You roll the dice
But you’re just hoping that the rules change
What’s the point if you can’t bring yourself to say
Things you wanna say like
Dance with me tonight

*from the movie music and lyrics

confusingly confused

hindi naman Amerika ang Pilipinas, bakit ba US situation ang lagi nilang nilalahad sa kanilang literatura? eh sino ngayon ang mga colonial mentality?

sabi may separation of church and state. constitutionally inscribed principle yan. pero nilinaw din naman ng isang miyembro ng concon na ang tinutukoy naman sa 1987 consti ay ang pagbabawal sa pagtatatag o pagkakaroon ng state religion (hindi ko alam kung ilan lang ba ang inabot ng komentaryong iyon). eniwey, tapos na yun election so let us move on and run the nation. hindi naman nga mali kung mag-advocate ang mga religious groups pero hanggang saan ba ang hangganan (o meron nga ba)? naniniwala rin naman ako na "the only way for evil to flourish is for the right ones to do nothing." pero kailangan bang lahat na lang paki-alaman nila? bakit ganun na lang ang influence nila sa gobyernong ito at sila na lang nang sila ang pinakikinggan? granted na sinasabing majority ng mga pinoy eh nabibilang sa sektang ito pero sino lang ba talaga ang masasabing "practicing ones"? hindi ba karamihan eh yun na lang kasi ang kinalakhan? eh kung ipipilit pa rin nila ang argument na marami talaga sa mga pinoy eh sa sektang iyon nabibilang, eh di fine..lahat ng hindi kabilang sa kanila eh "minority" groups pala! eh pwede bang bigyan sila ng seat sa partylist para naman marinig din ang boses nila? eh kaso hindi ba yun "majority" pa nga ang may pinakamaraming seats na nakuha sa partylist noong eleksyon?!

eh ano bang problema ko at nagra-rant ako ng ganito? disappointed lang naman kasi ko dahil nawawala na rin sa katwiran. bakit hindi pwedeng buksan ang isipan at kamalayan para unawain ang isyu, hindi yun sarado agad at puro batikos ang pinagkakaabalahan? para kasing ang dating nila eh "tama ako, hindi dapat yan gusto mo, masama yan at dahil sinusulong mo isa kang kampon ng demonyo." sana bago magsalita at magpakalat ng kanilang mga doktrina eh tingnan muna ang context ng issue sa philippine setting. basahin ang provisions at baguhin ang dapat baguhin..meet halfway kung baga para maresolba at mabigyang solusyon ang problema.

ay naku, baka pag may nakabasa nito (as if meron ibang nagbabasa) eh ipagdasal nila ang aking kaluluwa na sa tingin nila ay sinusunog na sa impyerno. thanks but no thanks! wala naman magagawa ang mga iyon dahil sa huli, ako lang ang magdedesisyon kung saan pupunta ang kaluluwa ko. dahil hindi naman relihiyon ang daan tungo roon kundi ang personal na pagkilala at relasyon sa Lumikha.

ang masasabi ko lang, hindi naman sinabi sa Genesis na "go on and multiply.." ang sabi eh "BE FRUITFUL and multiply.." nauna yun fruitful hindi ba? bakit di kaya nila turuan ang mga followers nila na maging fruitful bago mag-multiply? kung gaano karami ang naturuan nila ng ganitong doktrina dapat makita natin ang resulta..dapat marami dahil maraming pinoy eh nabibilang sa kanila hindi ba? pero teka, huwag naman sana humingi ng pondo sa gobyerno para sa pagpapalaganap ng kanilang doktrina..bakit hindi nila gamitin ang offerings ng mga parishioners nila? aaaarrrgh! tama na nga muna, nasobrahan na ata ako sa kape!

hindi nila ito alam...

Sabi ko, "galit ka?" 

Sagot niya (nakangisi), "oo, kanina pa!" 

Tanong ko ulit, "bakit?" 

Sagot niya ulit (mukhang lalong nakunsume), "things should have been discussed earlier..."

I let it off..wala naman kasi kong magagawa na. At least alam kong galit siya. Yeah, things should have been discussed earlier...sana laging may panahon ang mga tao para i-discuss ang mga bagay-bagay. Pero paano kung wala? Ilang ulit na rin ata akong nag-rant tungkol sa competing priorities. First things first, protocols, etc..paano nga kung halos hindi na kayo nagkikita?? Ano ba, huwag na sana tayong magsisihan kasi in the end pare-pareho lang nagkakasakitan ng kalooban. Oo, aminin man o hindi; constructive criticism man in order to improve things, nagkakasamaan pa rin ng loob. Mali ba ko, o plastic kayo? Ewan, pananaw ko lang ito..kung di ka sang-ayon simple lang, wag mong basahin ang blog ko!

PEACE! Ayaw ko ng gulo!

ramblings

salamat naman at nariyan ka ngayong mga panahong ito, kahit papaano nalilibang ako sa'yo. 

ewan ko ba, basta...

ayaw ko na...

hindi matulog sa gabi

maalala yun gusto kong kalimutan

malimutan ang dapat kong tandaan

magbyahe ng malayo

ng trapik

ng usok

ng papel

ng sulat

ng siksikan sa sasakyan

ng dagdag na problema

mapagod

maglakad

hintayin mapuno ang tricycle

mag-hintay ng fx

sumakay ng jeep

sumisik sa bus/mrt

lumakad patungong lrt

magbayad ng taxi

makakita ng palaka

dumaan sa overpass

makagat ng langgam

makita ang pangalan ni sb

magsuklay ng buhok

maglagay ng retainers

magtext

maghintay ng text

mag e-mail

mag hintay ma-attach ang file sa e-mail

ng emotional attachment

ng masyadong mabango

ng amoy ng yosi

ng beer

ng manika

ng bear

ng bulaklak

ng pangalan ko

nakakapagod na kasi

ewan. 

paano pa ba naman akong matutulog kung kailangan gumising ulit? 

ang gulo ko talaga!

random thoughts 5

• pretending to be smart doesn't make you smart
• it’s okay to cry
• it's okay to mess up
• it's okay to feel like crap from time to time
• it's okay to complain and whine to your friends
• it’s okay to ask for help
• it’s okay to take chances
• you can't control falling in love
• time is not responsible for healing our wounds; it doesn’t erase all the pain. as time goes by, we learn to accept that we’re wounded and it will leave us with scars; and we learn to live with or tolerate the pain until we no longer feel it (or we no longer care); and then we feel mortified over the scars but then again, we get used to seeing it until we learn to accept that it is already a part of who we are
• love is not enough to have a romantic relationship with someone. you should establish a certain level of trust and confidence and commit to work things out in order to stay in that relationship
• often, the things that we want to forget are the things which we need to talk about most
• if asked to name ONE thing that money cannot buy, my answer would be this: A PURE HEART