debriefing

NOTE TO SELF: Let it go. May mga tao talaga na ang misyon sa buhay ay humanap ng mali, bumilang ng pagkukulang, at makinig sa sarili lamang na katwiran. Wala kang kapangyarihan na baguhin sila, pero maaari mong piliin kung paano mo sila pakikitunguhan at paano mo haharapin ang paninisi nila sa iyo ng mga bagay na wala ka namang kinalaman. Oh well, actually nadadamay ka lang naman, at hindi mo lalo kasalanan kung bakit ganoon sila kung manisi ng iba.

SELF: Salamat ha. Susubukan ko BUT, I can't promise! Alam mo naman ayaw ko ng pinupulbos ako ng walang kalaban-laban! In fairness sa akin, hindi ko pa naman sila pinapatulan ah!!

NOTE TO SELF: Magtigil ka hija! Tandaan mo, hindi lang sarili mo ang at stake sa mga usaping ito.

SELF: IK-IK!!! Pero sa totoo lang huh, nakakasama talaga ng loob iyang sina Mickey, Minnie at Mimi! Malapit ko na 'yan sabihan ng, "oo na, kayo na nga, kayo na talaga...kayo na ang may alam ng lahat! Sige na, go na, ngat-ngatin niyo na sila. I don't care na 'coz I'm not a care bear!"

NOTE TO SELF: Sinabing huminahon ka eh!

SELF: FINE!

NOTE TO SELF: Aba, aba, aba...tila yata pati ako ay kinaiinisan mo?

SELF: Hindeeeeeh!!!

NOTE TO SELF: Oh, ayan nagsasalubong na ang kilay mo, galit ka na niyan?

SELF: Haller!! Hindi!

NOTE TO SELF: Anong hindi, eh ayan at magkasalubong na kilay mo!

SELF: AAARgh...pinakikita ko lang sa iyo na nagpa-threading ako nun week-end, okey?

NOTE TO SELF: Oh? Hindi ba masakit yun?

SELF: Ambot sa imo! Bala mu cute ka neh? Masakit ka na sa bangs!

NOTE TO SELF: Oh, may bangs ka na? Katulad nun mga pix mo nun little gurlalu ka pa? Yun parang bunot lang ang hair mo!!

SELF: Grrrrr....

NOTE TO SELF: Hehehe...aminin, ganun ang buhok mo nun dekada-80!

SELF: Alam mo kung ano pa meron nun dekada 80?

NOTE TO SELF: Ano?

SELF: Kaya nga kita tinatanong eh, hindi ko alam! Wala pa akong paki-alam sa mundo noon! Ang alam ko lang (in no particular order):

• Batibot
• Superman2
• Si Brownie (yun laruan kong aso na naglalakad, kumakahol, at gumagalaw ang buntot -- ang dahilan kung bakit naglayas si ate noon)
• Pangarap ko pa noon maging astronaut (matapos ko mabasa at makita ang pix ng astronaut sa science textbook ni ate..opo, mahilig pa akong magbasa noon at hindi ako inaantok!)
• Bago ko nabasa yun tungkol sa astronaut, ang gusto ko ay maging firefighter. Napanood ko kasi yun sa Batibot, tingin ko ay cool yun nagsusuot sila ng coat, boots at head gear tapos tatakbo sila, hahawak at magpapadulas sa isang steel pole pababa sa first floor ng building nila kung saan naka-park yun red fire trucks na super duper kintab! Tingin ko talaga noon ay cool ang maging firefighter..later ko na lang na-realize na hindi pala cool kundi mainit (literal na mainit!) ang trabahong iyon; tsaka hindi naman pala kagandahan all the gears, at kakintaban the fire trucks..narealize ko lang iyon nun nauso na at mga balita sa TV.
• Nun mga panahong iyon, ginusto ko rin maging kundoktor ng provincial bus. Amazed na amazed kasi ako sa bilis nilang mag-punch ng hole sa mga tiket eh. Tsaka gusto ko rin yun iniipit yun paper bills sa gitnang daliri ko.
• Umalis si Pres. Ferdinand E. Marcos sa palasyo pagkatapos niya magpadala ng gold medal sa akin kasi matalino raw akong bata nun pre-school
• Hindi na ako ang bunso pagdating ng taong 1985
• Dekada-80 ko rin nalaman na ang ginto ay yamang mineral; hindi yamang lupa..at hindi ko na iyon nalimutan pa! Ganun talaga, mas natututo ang tao sa pagkakamali..lalo na sa quiz bee! hahaha...
• Isang araw, nagsimula ang madalas sa pagdaan sa himpapawid ng maraming maingay na eroplano na ang tawag nun matatanda ay tora-tora..ewan kung bakit ganun ang tawag!
• Ah, madalas rin pala wala kaming kuryente noon! Kaya hindi talaga ako mahilig sa TV eh, pwede ako mabuhay ng walang TV.
• Masarap ang Magnolia Chocolait at glass bottle pa ang lalagyan nito.
• Grade 1 ako nun maganap ang isa sa pinaka-embarrassing moments of my life: sa isang jeepney, kalong ako ng ate ko (para tipid, isa lang bayad namin). Papunta na kami sa school noon. Bigla akong na-hatsing -- as in hatsing na nagtalsikan ang aking pinaka-tatagong malapot na sipon!! Lumanding ang iba sa sahig ng jeep, may kaunting lumanding sa mga pasahero sa tapat ko, napuruhan yun babae na katapat ko mismo, at ang malupit sa lahat ay may naiwan pa nakabitin sa ilong ko na parang mga taong mahuhulog sa cliff, clinging on to dear life. GROSSS talaga, may lobo-lobo pa! :(  Buti na lang super mabait si ate (yun babae sa harap ko na napuruhan), hindi niya ako inaway. Kumuha siya ng tissue sa bag niya at inuna pa niya na abutan ako ng isang bungkos na tissue at tulungan akong linisin ang fez ko, bago niya pinunasan ang sarili niya. Inabutan din niya ng tissue yun ibang pasahero. Tapos nun, nagtiklop siya ng ilang pirasong tissue at ini-abot sa akin -- just in case ipahiya na naman ako ng ilong ko. Looking back at that incident, I can't help but throw a lot of thanks onto the air to that lady. Kung sino man siya, at nasaan man siya ngayon, I know si Lord ang bahalang magbalik sa kanya nun kabutihang ginawa niya sa isang batang paslit na sumira sa porma niya papasok sa opisina isang umaga (mukha siyang office girl sa porma niya).
• Grade 2 ako nun madevelop ang pagka-hate ko sa mathematics. Yun teacher ko kasi, sinabihan ako sa harap ng klase na kapag math na ang subject ay doon ako dapat umupo sa row4 :( Simula noon ay hate ko na ang math!
• Grade 3 ako nun isumbong ako ng isang girl (akala ko pa naman friends kami) sa mommy niya na sinira ko raw yun zipper ng bag niya. Actually, sira naman talaga yun, ayaw sumara eh. Tapos nagpatulong siya hilain yun zipper..eh natanggal yun pang-zip..kaya ang kwento niya sa mom niya ako sumira ng bag niya. At pumunta pa talaga sa school yun mom niya..pero nun nakita naman ako eh hindi ako pinatulan. Later on, sinabi sa akin ng isang friend ko (na kapit-bahay nila) na sabi raw nun mom ng classmate namin, mukha naman daw akong mabait na bata kaya siguro raw ay hindi ko naman talaga sinira yun bag ng anak niya. WAHEHEHE...But seriously, goody-good gurl pa talaga ako noon eh!
• Minsan nun grade 4 ako, may program sa school kaya dapat japorms kami. Suot ko yun gold necklace na bigay ng Papa ko sa akin. May lumapit sa akin na isang girl (natatandaan ko pa pangalan niya pero hindi ko na lang ilalagay dito kasi baka naman nagbagong buhay na siya) at bigla na lang ako hinawakan sa kwelyo ng blouse ko; hindi ko na matandaan kung ano yun mga iba niyang sinabi, pero natatandaan ko pa na kinikilatis niya yun necklace ko..sabi niya iyon daw yun nawawala niyang kuwintas, ninakaw ko raw yun. May dalawa siyang alalay na gerlalus rin na nakatingin lang habang inaapi ako nun lider nila. Ewan ko, tahimik pa ako noon eh, wala lang imik, iiyak lang kapag inaway -- in short, madali akong apihin. Anyway, tinigilan din niya ako matapos ang mahaba-habang bullying session niya (she pinned me against a wall pa huh); at mabuti na lang din ay hindi niya kinuha yun necklace na bigay ni Papa sa akin. Anyway, that necklace is no longer with me na rin these days, but that's another story.
• Ah, nauso rin pala noon ang kulay dilaw at polka-dots
• Puro rice fields pa ang matatanaw mo sa NLEX noon; kulay dilaw ang mga taxi; ordinary pa mga bus; at dalawang lanes pa lang ata ang Commonwealth Avenue!

NOTE TO SELF: Nag-memory lane ka naman diyan!

SELF: Masama??

NOTE TO SELF: Hindi naman..hahaha..

SELF: Inaantok na ako.

NOTE TO SELF: Ok ka na?

SELF: Yep, for NOW.

NOTE TO SELF: Remember -- rest if you must, but don't you quit!

SELF: Hay, I really want to rest. It's just that a lot of things are happening..

NOTE TO SELF: Take one step at a time; 'wag ka masyado pa-apekto sa kanila. As long as you believe in your heart that you're on the right side, go lang. I know you, mabilis ka makonsyensiya kapag may hindi tamang nagaganap -- it's one of your virtues but sometimes, it could also be a weakness -- that is when you take all these things personally or blame yourself for bad things that happen which are actually beyond your control.

SELF: Hmm... :( you know me quite well, really.

NOTE TO SELF: Of course dear, I am yourself!

SELF: Oo nga pala ano..ang slow ko!

NOTE TO SELF: Rest dear.

wanted: pasensiya

Sabi sa akin kanina, dapat raw matutong magpasensiya sa mga bagay, pangyayari at maging tao na sadyang nakakaubos nito. Dagdag pa niya, ang tangi natin kayang panghawakan ay ang ating sariling damdamin, at ang tangi natin kayang baguhin ay ang ating sarili. Hindi raw tayo dapat maghangad na baguhin ang ibang tao upang hubugin sa anyo na nais natin. Hindi rin daw tayo ang may hawak ng lahat ng nagaganap at maaaring maganap sa ngayon, at sa hinaharap.

May punto naman siya. Pero mas madaling sabihin ito kaysa gawin. Palagay ko, sa maraming pagkakataon, nakakayanan ko na ang magpasensiya. Pero, kapag sobra na, hindi ko maiwasan na maglabas ng hinanakit at pagkadismaya. Tao lang din naman ako, at hindi ko naman pinapangarap na maging kung ano para pagtiisan lahat ng nangyayari.

Noon, tumatahimik lang ako bilang pagtanggap sa pagkakamaling nagagawa ko rin naman, pero kahit madalas sobra na ang mga salitang kanilang binibitiwan, dedma na lang para huwag na humaba ang usapan. Siguro, bilang paggalang na rin sa mga nasa posisyon at nakatatanda; o bilang pag-unawa na rin sa kung anu mang dahilan ng pag-init ng kanilang ulo at sa akin nabunton ang sermon.

Pero nun tumagal, naisip ko na tila yata taliwas ito sa sinasabing empowerment. Sa palagay ko, dapat lang naman na isabuhay ang kung ano man ang sinasabing isinusulong nila sa pamayanan. Unti-unti, natuto akong magsalita, magpahayag ng hinaing, ng puna, ng saloobin, ng ilang makabagong paraan para gawin ang ilang bagay. Yun ilang makabagong paraan, napansin din naman at napakinabangan. Yun nga lang, kadalasan dahil ako ang nakaisip ay ako na rin ang gumagawa. Mas madali kasi ito eh – hindi ako mahilig magpa-awa o magmukhang helpless, hanggat magagawa ko ang mga bagay bagay ay ginagawa ko ang mga ito; kaya kapag humingi ako ng SOS, seryoso iyon at hindi ako nag-iinarte lang. Pero sino nga ba naman ang nakaka-alam nito? Inaabot nga ng ilang buwan, at kung hindi pa ako sumulat ng isang liham na may laman ay tila ba hindi ako pakikinggan. Bakit kaya? Hindi lang minsan ako napatanong ng ganyan. Dahil ba tingin nila bata ako? Dahil ba tingin nila hindi naman ako nahihirapan at patawa-tawa lang ako? Dahil ba tingin nila ay sisiw lang naman ang ginagawa ko at ng mga kasama ko? Hindi ko alam. Hindi ko sila maintindihan. Ang alam ko lang, maraming nagaganap na hindi na makatarungan at hindi ko alam kung anong uri ng pangangatwiran ang patuloy na umiiral. Nakakapagod na talaga ang ilang sistema. Nakakapagod na rin ang paulit-ulit na reklamo at wala na akong makitang malinaw na punto kung hindi ang pagtuligsa sa tao. Nakakapagod na nakakadismaya kasi para bang mawawala na lang ang lahat sa isang iglap. Pero alam ko na hindi naman.

Hindi ko lang maiwasan na itapon ang mga pangungusap na ito. Sobrang dismayado lang talaga ako sa mga kaganapan. Nililibang ko na nga lang ang sarili ko sa pamamagitan ng paggrupo sa mga nasa paligid ko habang tumutugtog sa likod ng isip ko ang awit ng Batibot na, “pagsama-samahin ang pare-pareho, ang magkakatulad ay ating i-grupo; kay sayang libangan, kay daling gawin; ang pare-pareho, pagsahin natin!” Kung ano at sino ang nasaan at kailan, akin na lang iyon at sa malalapit kong kaibigan na karamay ko lalo na sa oras na naman gipitan!

Random Thoughts No. 2 Series of 2011

Noong uso pa ang Friendster testimonials, sumulat sa page ko ang isang malapit na kaibigan. Sabi niya, peborit ako ng ibang tao. Sabi rin niya, ako yun mahilig magreklamo pero biglang magbibigay ng bright idea tungkol sa mga trabaho kaya ang ending, dumarami ang trabaho ko. Ganun daw kasi ang kalakaran, suggest mo, gawa mo; ikaw ang naka-isip eh, di ikaw ang gumawa.

Natawa ako nun nabasa ko ang part na iyon ng testimonial niya sa akin. Naisip ko na, oo nga; itong taong ito yun hindi ko na mabilang kung ilang ulit kaming nagka-asaran at pikunan. Ito rin yun taong ilang linggo akong hindi pinansin dahil napikon sa pang-aasar ko. Siguro nga kilalang-kilala niya ako, at mukhang mas naoobserbahan pa niya ako kesa sa sarili ko. Katunayan, nauna pa niyang napuna noon na like ko yun isang lalaking nakilala namin, kesa narealize ko na oo nga, like ko nga yun guy.

Peborit raw ako. Sabi ko, oo nga, peborit nila akong utusan. Siguro dahil sumusunod naman ako kahit na nagvo-voice out ako ng reklamo. Hindi nga ako pwedeng pumasok sa military eh, kasi balita ko ang rule nila roon eh “obey first before you complain.” Ako, I can complain and complain but I still do it anyway.

Sabi ni boss kanina, siguro raw sinadya ko ang magpa-late dahil ayaw ko sumama sa shooting niya kanina. Sabi ko, hindi po, hindi lang talaga ako nagising, 8:30 na nun nagising ako. Tinanong niya ako kung bakit ako ganun, siguro raw nagpupuyat ako sa facebook. Sabi ko, hindi. Hindi ko na sinabi na halos wala akong tulog nun lunes ng gabi hanggang martes ng umaga kaya siguro kahit maaga naman ako natulog ng martes at tatlong cellphone ang nakaset na alarm ay hindi ako nagising. Ayaw ko na magpaliwanag ng mahaba, nakadagdag lang ng stress.

Ang daming mga pangyayaring nakaka-stress. Mga taong magulo kausap. Mga taong selfish. Mga taong ayaw mag-isip. Mga taong tamad. Mga taong feeling nila ang role mo sa mundo ay pahirapan sila, in short kontra bida ka sa teleserye ng buhay nila. Mga taong nag-iisip nga eh, irrational naman. Mga taong pa-importante. Mga taong maarte. Mga taong ang galing lang mamintas eh wala naman matinong input. Mga taong nakakapagod pakinggan kasi paikot-ikot. Mga taong walang paki-alam. Mga taong kulang sa pansin. Mga taong feeling ang galing eh hindi naman. Mga taong kung magsalita ay sobrang galing at alam nila exactly how you should be doing things, pero sa totoo lang ay puro kababawan at dada lang naman ang alam (read: kung alam mo paano gawin ito eh bakit hindi ikaw ang gumawa?? I’d gladly turn it over to you!). Mga taong comment nang comment na sisiw lang naman yan pinoproblema mo, pero kung ipagyabang ang mga balahibo nila eh akala mo agila!

Sabi ng teacher ko sa Filipino, isang salawikain daw yun “bato-bato sa langit, ang tamaan ‘wag magalit.” So ayan ang bato, SHOOT!

In fairness, may mga tao rin naman na nakakatuwa. Kung hindi nga dahil sa kanila eh baka nagbalot na lang ako ng gamit at nagtanim ng kamote sa bundok. O baka nag-aral na lang ako gumawa at magtinda ng tinapa. These people are my heroes. Kahit na nga meron ako narinig na nagcomment tungkol sa isa na kesyo parang wala pang alam, eh kebs..sa loob loob ko, (imitating Sally Brown singing My New Philosophy) “oh yeah, that’s what you think!” Kasi naman, at least sa taong ito may nakukuha akong matinong suggestion at insights.

Siguro nga, maraming tao ang absent, lumilipad ang utak, o nagpapacute sa katabing guwapo/maganda at mabango nun ituro sa science ang ecosystem. At siguro hindi rin nila naunawaan yun linya sa awit na “ang lahat ng bagay ay magka-ugnay; magka-ugnay ang lahat.” May tendency talaga tayo na hindi ma-appreciate ang mga tao at maging bagay na akala natin hindi natin kailangan. Nakakalungkot lang.

Sabi ko sa last post ko, kakayanin ko ito. Oo, kinakaya pa..sana nga. 

notes over a bottle of smb light beside a mickey mouse mouse on a hello kitty mouse pad

A friend used to tell me that drinking his beer all alone is so un-cool. “Para naman ang laki-laki ng problema ko ‘nun pag uminom akong mag-isa! Parang kulang na lang magpatiwakal ako!” he used to tell me, trying to stop me from prodding him to just stay in his home and drink his beer instead of tugging me along to his seasonal drinking sprees (and partially ‘coz beer is cheaper in the supermarket compared to bars).

And now I find myself locked up in my room with this bottle. I wonder if my li’l bro (uh-huh, or should I say “big” ‘coz he’s much taller??) was able to count those bottle of his in the fridge *grins*.  Oh, no, I don’t have plans of doing some morbid stuff; just want to recall how the cold lightness of this thingy tastes..hahaha..it’s been a long time, really!

As for problems, we all do have our own; but I consider myself as a person na medyo pasaway lang – and I mean that in a positive way. And as the liquid content of an empty bottle begins to kick-in (I can only consume one; ask me to have two and we’ll have to talk over it for four hours, with me asking for more ice to dilute the thing!), I am trying to write as vividly as I can remember, my thoughts about tough and rough times.

I don’t know why, but I almost always get the best of me when I am facing a really tough task. Looking back, I sometimes wonder how I did those things; and why I excel more on tough tasks than in easier ones. I think that a major factor is because others tend to easily quit and leave the task, but being the usual pasaway me, I press on the goal; thinking that whatever the outcome maybe, I can proudly tell myself that I did not give up. Back in school, I recall that the only time that I was able to land a spot in the NSSPC was when the news writing category judge asked us to write I think around five or six news articles about his given topics, in an hour. I was a sophomore then, and most of the participants are juniors and seniors. I no longer recall what I wrote but I remember that two of the articles are about a stampede in a Bon Jovi concert in Manila, and the jailbreak of a certain Rolito Go (he was involved in some high profile case, which I no longer recall). The school paper advisers are talking about how the question for the category was really tough; I wasn’t expecting that I would land even a tenth place. But lo and behold, my name was called for the 6th spot! Too bad, come the national level competition, the task was quite easy – just a news article about the result of the student council elections – oh, yep.. I lost! Haha! In college, I cannot forget how I got good class standing in Law3 and got 1.5 in my class card even though our professor has been branded as “walang patawad” since there are graduating students who were not able to do so because he gave them failing marks. Oh, and I was able to somehow answer the written and programming exams of our instructor in computer programming, although it seems that no one understands what he’s talking about. Hmm..just please don’t dare ask me about mathematics! Hahaha.. I passed all my subjects though (thank God!). That civil service eligibility exam is another though thing to face! The pressure was even greater to me back then since I took the computerized one and my Ate’s officemates are like, also waiting for the result since I stayed in their room and joined them for lunch. I was telling myself, “bahala na, pero nakakahiya kapag bumagsak ako rito!” Oh yep, I passed – with flying colors and wide grin up to clapping ears at that! These are just examples of what I am saying. I dare not cite examples from my professional gigs, lest I get misunderstood or sound like bragging – not my way, really!

Why am I recounting all these? It’s because I’ve been going through a lot of tough and rough times for around two years already. Several times, opportunities to “escape” have presented themselves and admittedly some are quite tempting. But until now, I chose to stay on and face the challenge head on. It’s no easy task. Yep, I laugh and joke around but people do not see me crying myself to sleep at night. Sometimes, I ask God to show me signs and lead me out of all these if that’s the best thing to do; more often, I ask Him to give me the courage, wisdom and strength to go on. When you’ve got no one else to ask, and when you get no guidance from people around, it’s always best to ask the one above.

Admittedly, I often fail in one way or another (who doesn’t?). At times I can’t take it any longer – I get frustrated, I get cranky, I just want to disappear into nothingness and let things be what they should be without me – I think there will always be someone who can do those things – maybe far better than I can. Yep, I do not consider myself as heaven’s only gift to people around me. I just want to be me – no pretensions, no bragging about superficial greatness, no unnecessary whatnots. What you see is what you get; at times even better!

And now my bed is calling me to crawl onto it and give my pillows a big warm hug (dizzzzyyy).

Ulan 10-24-2011

Dumilim ang langit na parang nakikisama sa mga kaloobang binabagabag ng santambak na alalahanin;

At muling bumuhos ang ulan sa labas ng aking bintana, dala ang malamig na hangin na pumapawi sa matinding init na dala ng sikat ng araw;

Ang ulan na parang nang-aakit na ako’y lumabas at magtampisaw sa ilalim ng ulap at yakapin ang kanyang bawat patak;

Bawat patak ng ulan na nagdudulot ng ala-ala ng kaligayahan ng aking kamusmusan; na siya ring mga patak na nagkukubli ng luhang pumapatak sa aking mga mata sa panahon ng kalungkutan.

Mystery Solved: Kung bakit umaalingawngaw ang alarm sa tuwing dumaraan ako sa sensor ng mga tindahan sa mall

Last week, makailang ulit akong napadaan sa sensor ng mga tindahan sa mall at sa bawat pagdaan ko (papasok man o palabas) ay umaalingawngaw ang maingay na alarm ng sensor nila.

Bad trip naman! Napapatingin mga tao eh, baka akala nila shoplifter ako...haller, kaya kong magbayad at hindi ko gawain yun!! Luckily, wala naman humaharang o humahabol sa guard sa akin para kapkapan ako at halungkatin ang bag ko. Well, obviously naman kasi eh papasok pa lang ako nag-alarm na ang sensor. Pero napapa-isip ako kung bakit nga ba tumutunog yun, bad trip eh. Baka kako yun portable hard drive sa bag ko..pero dati naman hindi yun tumutunog eh.

Last Friday, dumaan ako sa Rustan's Gateway para bumili ng regalo sa inaanak ko (waaah..nadagdagan ulit ang inaanak ko! 7 na pala sila!). Nag-alarm na naman pagdaan ko sa sensor papasok sa Rustan's. Napatingin ako sa guard na nakatingin din sa akin, bigla ako napatanong, "bakit ba lagi na lang tumutunog ang alarm?"

Guard: May libro kayo diyan Ma'am?

Ako: Opo, eto oh (sabay kuha at abot ng libro mula sa bag ko)

Guard: (dinaan sa sensor ang libro..nag-alarm) Sa national bookstore niyo ito binili 'no?

Ako: Opo, sa National nga..

Guard: (may tinutuklap sa inside back cover ng libro ko) Sabi ko na eh, hindi kasi nila Ma'am ito inaalis kapag nakabayad na ang customer, kaya naga-alarm kayo lagi.

Ako: Ah, kaya pala lately lagi nga nag aalarm!

Guard: (pinadaan ulit ang libro sa sensor--tahimik na! binalik sa akin ang libro) Ayan Ma'am, hindi na kayo tutunog niyan..

Ako: Sige, salamat po!


So, there eto pala ang salarin!

 

Standing Still in The Maze Called Life

Sometimes, I stand still amidst the maze they call life...

       ...to look back at how far I've gone

       ...to look around if I am missing a turn

       ...to listen to footsteps

       ...to feel the air

       ...to touch the ground

       ...to savor the moment of having gone this far...

Then I look back once more...

...and smile when I remember the people that I've met along the way

...and close my eyes as I recall sad moments; like failures, parting ways, pain, missing loved ones, feeling helpless, and being fooled

...and I look up the sky to see that life is still beautiful...

       ...that lessons are learned for every failure

       ...that some good byes are not forever

       ...that pain is a reminder that I am alive and kicking

       ...that missing my love ones is proof of my capacity to love and share life with other people

       ...that I have the capacity to overcome helplessness and continue running the race

       ...that I've learned some lessons the hard way, and those lessons are remembered forever

...and I look around to see everyone around me; looking for a person who's willing to...

       ...stay with me on the same ground

       ...walk with me on the same path

       ...sail with me on the same boat

       ...dance with me to the same beat

...someone who will...

       ...sing with me at the top of our lungs, even when the music fails

       ...hold my hands and squeeze them tight in times of uncertainty and doubt

...best of all, I am looking for one who can put a smile not just on my lips,

but deep into my heart

...no one yet...

...so I walk again through the labyrinths, until it's time to once more stop...

(Why Are You Telling Me?) My New Philosophy [Kristin Chenoweth: from You're a Good Man Charlie Brown]

 

Kristin Chenoweth: My New Philosophy [from You're a Good Man Charlie Brown]

Sally: (spoken) Oh yeah? That's what YOU think!
Schroeder: (spoken) What?
Sally: (spoken) That's my new philosophy. "Oh yeah? That's what YOU think!" 

Schroeder: (spoken) Then why are you telling me? 

Sally: (spoken) What? 

Schroeder: (spoken) WHY are you telling me? 

Sally: (spoken) "WHY are you telling me?" I like it! That's a good philosophy. 

"WHY are you telling me? ... WHY are you telling me?" 

(sings)" Why are you telling me?" 

My new philosophy 

The teacher gave a D on last week's homework! 

She said, "Miss Sally Brown, your grades are going down" 

I could have told her... 

Schroeder: Your new philosophy? 

Sally: My new philosophy. 

(spoken) Ms. B? I'm she. 

Look see 

A D? 

A D. 

Well, why are you telling me? (sung) And that's my new philosophy! 

Schroeder: That's your new philosophy? 

Sally: " Well why are you telling me?" My new philosophy! 

Schroeder: (spoken) That's great, Sally. But I've got to practice Chopin's Nocturne in B-flat Minor. 

Sally: (spoken) No! I like it! "No!" That's my new philosophy. " No! No! No!" 

Schroeder: (spoken) That's your new philosophy? 

Sally: (spoken) Yes! I mean "No!" 

(singing) Just like a busy bee each new philosophy 

Can fly from tree to tree and keep me moving! 

When life's a dizzy maze on alterating days 

I choose a different phrase! 

Schroeder: Your new philosophy? 

Sally: My new philosophy! 

Schroeder: Sally, Some philosophies are simple: 

"Man does not eat by bread alone." 

Some philosophies are clear... 

Sally: " Leave your message at the sound of the tone." 

Both: Some philosophies pick and choose deciding what goes in it 

Schroeder: Some take a lifetime! 

Sally: Mine take a minute! 

Schroeder: (spoken) But Sally, anything that takes only a minute can't be very long lasting. 

For instance, Beethoven took over two years to complete his brilliant Ninth Symphony... 

Sally: (spoken) "No!" 

Schroeder: (spoken) I can't stand it! 

Sally: (spoken) "I can't stand it!" I like it! 

(sings) It's like a guarantee each new philosophy and things are sure to be a whole lot brighter! 

"Oh yeah? That's what you think!" 

" Why are you telling me?" 

" No!" 

" I can't stand it!" 

Now life is free and easy, 

Much more philosophy-zy, 

With my brand new... 

(spoken)You know, someone had said that we should live every day as if it were the last day of our life. 

Lucy: (spoken) This is it? Help me! Help me! I've got twenty four hours to live! AAAAAAAAAA!!! 

Sally: (spoken) Clearly, some philosophies aren't for all people... 

(sung) And that's my new philosophy!

Random Thoughts No. 1 Series of 2011

A lot of . . .

          things to do

                    lessons to learn

                              places to go

                                        wishes to make

                                                  dreams to imagine

                                                           goals to reach

                                                                      obligations to fulfill

...if only i have all the time and resources that the world has to offer

...but na-ah...i don't...and all the riches of the world would never be enough

...oh, i could pray for all the wisdom, and the strength, and the will to go on...

                                                                                                    to explore new horizons

                                                                                to soar greater heights

                                                            to plunge deeper unto learning more about things...

          about people          about relationships           about life

           ...and living... and loving... and letting others live...

                              and making life better by having fun

                                                    and holding on

                                           and letting go

                               and moving on...

...and reminiscing the good sweet times, without wishing
that it lasted forever...

transgression and the propensity to feel guilty

Looking back, I realized that I am not a person who has the inclination to transgress; but I do from time to time; and the guilty feeling that comes after that is something that I don’t want to think about, but comes to my mind. So, go on...crucify me if you want; but I must say that no one has ever hurt me more than I do. But, yep...sometimes not conforming to standards brings some feeling of liberation…if only I don’t have the propensity to feel guilty about it afterwards. 

As I was listening to i-tunes, I remember...

Few years ago before the Lenten break, I took the train then walked awhile. I remember lounging in that coffee shop with someone dear, with these words playing at the back of my mind...

...You're walkin' a diff'rent direction from most people I've met
You've given' me signs of affection I don't usually get
I don't want you to pledge your future, the future's not yours to give
Just stand there a little longer and let me watch you while you leave...

Reflections on Changes, Challenges, Chances

I have been wanting and waiting for changes, challenges and chances.

Change is happening so slow that I am getting impatient.

                    Challenges are coming by the buckets.

                                        Chances are so bleak that I cannot see them.

Or am I just too afraid to embrace the change that comes my way?

                    Or am I just too unprepared to face the challenge?

                                        Or am I just being blinded by my insecurity, I failed to recognize

                                                            the chances that are right in front of me?

For how long can I wait for a lasting change that would set people free from frustrating uncertainty?

                    For how long can I endure these challenges without calling it quits and leaving everything?

                  

                                        For how many times am I going to let the chances pass?

I have been waiting for changes, challenges and chances. May I have a heart that is ready to accept the change that is inevitable. May I have the strength and courage to face the challenges that life throws my way. May I have the wisdom to recognize the chances that life is giving me, and the guts to grab that opportunity whenever I see it.

I have been waiting for changes, challenges and chances. Change my heart and make it one that yearns to serve more. Challenge my mind to make grow in wisdom that comes from God. Give me a chance to grow up into a person who is better than who am I today. 

DOLE Issues Guidelines on Gynecological Leave Benefits for Women

Updated: January 3, 2015

The Department of Labor and Employment issued the Guidelines Governing the Implementation of The Special Leave Benefits for Women Employees in the Private Sector, as provided for in Republic Act 9710 or the Magna Carta of Women.  => click here for updated link

Copy of the Guidelines maybe downloaded from the website of the Philippine Commission on Women. (the agency changed its domain name hence the old link is dead)

New weblinks (as of January 3, 2015):

DOLE Department Order No. 112-11 s. 2011: Guidelines Governing the Implementation of the Special Leave Benefits for Women in the Private Sector

DOLE Department Order No. 112-A s. 2012: Amending the Guidelines on the Implementation of the Special Leave Benefits for Women in the Private Sector

For inquiries and clarifications, concerned parties should call
The Department of Labor and Employment
Bureau of Workers with Special Concerns
9th Floor GE Antonino Building
TM Kalaw cor. J Bocobo Streets
Ermita, Manila
Tel. 404-3336; 527-3097; 527-3116; 527-5856 to 57
Fax: 527-5858; 527-3097
Email: mail@bwsc.dole.gov.ph
Business hours: 8:00 am to 5:00 pm, Monday to Friday

I almost forgot...

Happy birthday!