hit and miss: finding the balance

There comes certain points in life when I get tired of finding ways to weigh things over with the intent of finding the balance. I don't really know how people see me or judge me based on their narrow perception of who I am or how I act but really, there have been many circumstances when people misjudged me or thought that I am this or that. Yes it is disappointing but at the end of the day, I just have to shrug it off and move on. 

I don't know why but I almost always tend to seek balance in dealing with things, even people. I try to understand where they are coming from, to rationalize, to suggest practical alternatives. What breaks my soul is when again, some still presume that I am just a selfish brat (wow, really?). 

I just observe that we now live in a society where more and more people find theirs as the absolute truth or the only way that things should go. "The people who feel so privileged, people who feel that the world owe them everything to make their lives comfortable, people who have an extremely high dose of self entitlements," I remember one friend told me sometime ago. That is why, finding that balance becomes stressful, even depressing at times. It is hard, and perhaps I am making this hard for myself. It's a hit and miss thing, but I don't know why I still end up going back to finding that equilibrium. 

friends who care, hindi lang halata!

Someone asked me: and why do I trust you with all these issues in my life again?

My response: I don't know! And I don't even know why I keep on answering you as if I am the expert here. And I also don't know why it's you whom I trust with my deepest secrets and dilemmas in life.

*Now ask me, bakit kami magkaibigan ng taong ito?! hehe.. life with dear friends. I only have a few but they are treasured ones.

listening with open ears and an accepting heart

Thank you for this day. 

I take the new challenge as an opportunity to 

learn and be responsive of others.

#learning #listening #responsiveness #gratefulness

#HOPE

Sometimes, we find comfort in knowing that someone else feels the way we do; that we are not alone. #hope

Customer Woes

Finally naubusan ako ng supply ng patience so I sent a quite long message to a computer store. Aba, magpapakasal na sina Dingdong at Marian; may boyfriend na si Pac Mom, Mommy Dionisia; dalaga at binata na ang mga bata sa Ikaw Lamang; tapos na ang saga ng The Legal Wife at Mayroon nang Dalawang Mrs. Real; lumipas na ang Super Moon; at ilang powerpoint presentations na ang napagtyagaang gawin ng Mama ko gamit ang luma niyang netbook na sira ang keyboard eh hindi pa rin narerepair yun laptop na binili ko sa kanila ng brand new at nasira / nagflicker ang screen while still under warranty! Ang hirap pa tawagan ng store nila at pinaghihintay pa ako ng matagal sa telepono. Running for three months na mula nang iwan ko sa kanila yun unit na yun. Kapag itong written inquiry ko hindi nila inaksyunan at patuloy nila akong dinedma eh matetesting ko rin siguro ang power ng social media as an already enraged customer!

Of Parallel and Crossroads

Sabi nila, one of the saddest love stories that Math tells us is that of parallel lines; those who are never meant to meet. Pero hindi lahat ng parallel lines ay nagtatapos sa sad story at hindi lahat ng nagtatagpo at certain points sa intersection ay masaya. Kumpara sa dati na parallel lines lang at U-turn ang kahabaan ng Quezon Avenue, mas malungkot at haggard ang byahe ngayong bukas na ang mga intersections. 

[Thoughts earlier habang binabagtas ang kahabaan ng Quezon Avenue at

inaabutan ng stop sa bawat intersection]

why people complicate things

Sa totoo lang, mas madaling mag-complicate kesa mag-simplify!

What Matters

Come to think of it, sometimes, it is the things that we do not see that really matter in the long run. The things that people silently and diligently work on albeit unnoticed; the work that we value less or give no value at all because it isn't in the limelight or we think we are too intelligent to be doing -- the dirty work and little details that the high and mighty overlook, deliberately or not. For that, mabuhay ang mga silent workers sa background!

[my thoughts after discussing something with a "controversial" friend]

bf na beki?

Someone asked me: Ikaw, kaya mo bang tanggapin kung aminin ng guy sa iyo na bisexual siya? Okay lang ba sa iyo na maging kayo knowing na while at this point ikaw ang gusto niya pwedeng at another point lalaki naman? Gugustuhin mo bang maging husband siya, if ever? (Ako: Huh? Face palm, speechless) Kapag kaya mo na sagutin 'yan pag-usapan ulit natin ha!

My response if ever that person asks me again would be something that goes:  This question actually reminds me of a guy back in college. He would often do things that make me feel kilig, calls me his princess and tell people, "wag nyo aawayin 'yan kundi ako makakalaban nyo!" even when I am just at hearing range. I used to think that he would be a great boyfriend once we graduated from college (haha..strict ang parents ko, bawal ang bf while still in school!). I mean he is smart, neat, tall quite good looking, nice and sweet to me. But that fantasy of mine only lasted for three semesters because come our 5th sem in college it turned out that he is...yep, you guessed it, a gay guy. So the kilig memories and the joys of being his princess turned into wondering if he was just applying to be my personal stylist or if he was just a kid who was unsure of his preference. My bad, I wasn't aware of those things yet at that time!

Now for my response, first let me point out that I value mutual love, respect, honesty and fidelity. That being the case, I would appreciate the guy's sincerity and courage in telling me that. I am pretty sure that many will be afraid of telling the truth for fear of being judged and rejected. I am not so oblivious of the realities about people's sexuality and sexual preferences -- I am aware of those things now. But it doesn't mean that it would be easy for me to jump into a relationship with a bisexual guy. Not that I am judging or outrightly rejecting the idea; I just have some set of parameters that I prefer to hold on to as part of my personal values. I am not imposing this unto other people, but if someone wants to be that part of my life, then we need to talk about it. Granted that we may have lived our lives the past years and have different world views, am still looking for commonalities. I am looking for common values, common traits, common interests or profession -- something upon which we can anchor our relationship. Now this drives me back to my first point -- I value mutual love, respect, honesty and fidelity -- core values that he must be willing to share with me if he wanted  to pursue a romantic relationship. Simply put, I can accept the fact that there might have been "shes" and "hes" in his past but if he wants a future with me then there must only be "US."