Christmas and Lola's birthday

After giving and opening the gifts and after feasting on the noche buena foodies and a dose of sleep, off we went again to the north. Na-ah, not the North Pole where Santa Claus is believed to run a gift factory, I mean the northern part of the country which we travel to via the North Luzon Expressway. Travelling on the 25th towards the north is quite a breeze, especially now that we take the Mindanao Avenue interchange so we don't have to drive and go through the Balintawak Toll Plaza. 

This has been our routine for the past few years -- driving to Lola's birthday bash and meeting her ever growing number of grandchildren and great grandchildren. She turned 82 28 this year (look at her birthday cake! LOL). Speaking of ever growing, I actually lost count of how many are we; maybe I am really that bad with numbers (haha..) but see, we cannot fit into the camera frame so photos with Lola has to be taken by batch. Oh, and of course, the folks up there never fail to ask me about my non-existent love life. I am actually running out of witty comebacks but earlier I used, "wait lang, mag-prepare ka na kasi ninong/ninang ka ha!" then laugh out loud as I flee away (huhuhu....Paskong Pasko eh!).

And so this is Christmas, and in 7 days the new year will come. I still feel like spending the holidays bumming around..hehe, the joys of doing nothing if there is such a thing.

videoke

Malamig ang hangin at ang kalangitan ay unti-unting dumidilim

Mga ulap-ulan naiipon, tinatangay ng hangin

Ang katanghalian naging makulimlim

Habang sa 'di kalayuan may videoke singing

hahaha...pumasok lang sa makulit kong isipan! 

May lakad pa naman ako after lunch, 'wag naman sana biglang umulan! 

Pero promise, I am not attributing the rain clouds to the merry neybors!

mind stretching galore

a cold night and I feel hungry

so I'll eat first before staring again at the lappy

though the sky's quite clear and starry

it's not yet time to be dreamy

Last stretch? 

Ang wish ko lang talaga ay makahinga ng maluwag

...both literally and figuratively

Oh, someone reminded me earlier of yet another commitment that I have to fulfill really soon. 

Whew, pasasaan ba at mauubos rin sila.

When Juana speaks...

Kanina pa ako tumatawa mag-isa sa exchanges na ito:

Ako: ba-bye, alis na'ko (sabay kiss sa cheek ni mother)
Mama: oh, alis ka na? Saan ka pupunta, papasok ka na? (Forced leave kasi ako kahapon)
Ako: ay, hindi! Mamamasyal lang ako! (Sabay tawa kasi may bitbit nga ako documents tapos mamamasyal)
Mama: Ha?? Mamamasyal ka lang? Bakit hindi ka magtrabaho?
Ako: (natatawa pa rin) eh... nakakatamad eh!
Mama: Anong nakakatamad? Nag-aral ka pa ng masters tapos tatamarin ka lang?!
Ako: ha..ha..ha..ha.. alis na koooo!


'Yun eh, listening to taong bayan starts at home!


Happy Tuesday and hello sun shiny Metro Manila with all the cars and different sorts of vehicles trying to squeeze in. In fairness, malamig ang aircon nitong bus but am wondering if I should really be glad -- hello too, carbon foot prints! Last stretch na ito for the year but it seems never-ending.


But seriously, HINDI ako super hero so there!

on coping with changes and facing the unknown

"Storm Chaser" raw ang tawag sa team ng DOST-PAGASA na pumunta sa estimated area where ruby will take a landfall. Their mission: observe and note what happens on the ground...interestingly dangerous but exciting for the adventurous and buwis buhay na serious.


Bigla kong naalala ang pagka inlove ko sa science when I was a girl. Oo nga, I fell in love with science first...yun ang first love ko at next lang si writing (okay, what about eating? Yan ang forever love ko...OO, mayroong forever! 'Pag yummy pa nga eh, forevermore! LOL)


Anyway, maraming naganap at hindi naganap sa life ko kaya hindi ako naging scientist or astronaut. Right now, hindi ako typhoon chaser coz I just run away from the typhoon dahil ngayon ako lumipad pa-Manila from Mindanao area. Oh well, may mga bagay lang talaga na dream mo noon pero hindi natupad; tapos yun hindi mo man lang naisip na magaganap ay siyang nangyayari.


But still, what matters most is how you face life as it unfolds and how well you cope with unexpected twists and turns. And now I think that coping doesn't always mean staying or being the one to prevail. Coping can also be learning to let go, leaving the things that you cannot change and moving on to a life where you can grow more and spread your wings. I have always been afraid of a lot of things, of uncertainties, of the unknown...but lately I realized that there are times when I have to let go of my fears and chase the light.

Gym

What, nagy-gym ka pala?

Kapag nag-gym din ako, magworkout kaya tayo?

coffee bean & tea leaf

One of the things I like with CBTL Katipunan is the way they put these life tips on your coffee cup. It makes me stop for a while and smile, reminding myself that life, like a cup of tea or coffee is here to be enjoyed. Hot or cold; bitter or sweet; alone or with company -- savor the taste and the moment or just rush and gulp every ounce -- the choice will always be yours.

dream, act, learn and live

mga hirit na malupit - dalawa (mga linyang pang #hugot moments)

May aalis na naman? Ang daming umaalis samantalang sa akin, wala pa rin dumarating.

'Yun lagi mo siya naaalala pero nagpaparamdam lang siya kapag may kailangan siya -- ouch!

Nakakamiss rin 'yun moments na feel na feel mo na ikaw ang mas pinahahalagahan. Pero dumarating din kasi talaga 'yun point na kailangan mong ipilit na tanggapin niya yun kalayaan dahil alam mong 'yun binibigay niya hindi mo kayang suklian. 

Birthday and Graduation Gift

After weeks of waiting for our schedules to meet, Ate Mel and I finally went to Rustans Gateway for the latest Kimmidoll collection. Ira, our favorite sales assistant actually sent an SMS last October 3 that the latest edition of dolls has arrived -- uh-huh, that was in the midst of my nervousness for my graduation speech! haha! Anyway, since Ate Mel and Ate Hazel were both out of town the past weeks, we have been postponing going there. It has been our practice to go there together most of the time so it's quite sad that Ate Hazel was not able to make it tonight.

For this season, I bought two limited edition dolls and two mini dolls. I noticed that the price of the limited edition doll increased by 200 pesos, perhaps because of the additional two swarovski crystals that they placed on the doll. The older edition dolls have six crystals, plus one crystal on the box handle but the latest limited edition dolls now have eight crystals. I also noticed that aside from the special collector's card, the limited edition dolls also contain an accordion type flyer featuring all the dolls included in this series. I find this a nice improvement for Kimmidoll. So, here, here are the newest additions to my girls...

 Limited Edition Kimmidoll Miwako (Unity) | October 2014 series

Limited Edition Kimmidoll Yuri (Gracious) | October 2014 series

Kimmidoll Chizue (Modesty) | October 2014 series

Kimmidoll Himena (Loveable) | October 2014 series

Okay, I kind of splurged but hey, it was my birthday two days ago and I graduated from my MA last October 3 and received unexpected awards...so there, I rationalized! haha.. As I would often say, it isn't bad to treat yourself once in a while.

mga hirit na malupit - isa (mga linyang pang #hugot moments)

'Yun iba meron pang options na pinag-pipilian; ako, chance na nga lang ang hinihiling ko, ipinagkakait pa.

 What? Nagmahal na ang food sa daily menu? Lahat nagmahal na, bakit sa akin wala pa?

Itong aircon, ako na lang lagi ang taga-on; samantalang ako, walang ka-on!

Minsan kahit anong ingat mo na 'wag masaktan, mangyayari at mangyayari pa rin eh. Minsan, kahit nakuha mo na ang lahat alam mo na may kulang. Ang masaklap pa eh yun akala mo siya 'yun kulang sa buhay mo, iba naman ang plano sa buhay

The Class Address: Ang Speech na Rush Pero Mukhang Hindi Halata!

Flashback, ang kwento:

September 30, 2014 ng hapon may division meeting kami. There were missed calls on my phone when I went back to my desk and since unregistered yun number, I thought it was just one of those calls na kung anu-ano ino-offer. Apparently, it was a call from the PMDP program manager pala, as Sheryl, our session manager informed me that night. 10:09PM nang finally nakausap ako ni Ma'am Nanette sa phone. She informed me na kailangan ko magprepare ng class address, because I am graduating on top of the class..blah..blah..blah.. katext ko pa after noon si Sheryl at kinukulit ko siya kasi feeling ko panaginip lang 'yun at hindi totoo. I called Brenda kasi kailangan ko lang ng makakausap...ang ingay ni Brenda sa sobrang excitement kahit nasa mall siya for set-up ng NSM exhibit..ako naman, umiiyak. Ewan ko kung bakit ako umiyak pero, iyakin naman talaga ako eh. Brenda asked me kung sino na ang nakaka-alam, at kung alam na raw ba ni Jay. I told her that she was the first one whom I called sa mga BBs after talking with Ma'am Nanette. After talking with Brenda, I feel like calling Jay too. It was him whom I have been communicating with the past weeks regarding our re-entry projects, and I have been exchanging jokes with him about him getting awards for graduation, so I called him. He congratulated me and I don't know if he was aware that I was crying while talking with him or maybe he was too sleepy or busy to sense it but nonetheless being nice and polite so he picked up my call.

Honestly, hindi ko naman ini-expect yun; I feel like I am just an average student sa class namin, tapos biglang ako raw ang with highest honors and worst, I need to deliver a class address! The following day, I attended a whole day forum called by the Criminal Code Committee about the draft code of crimes that will replace the revised penal code. Unfortunately, there was a thunderstorm in the afternoon and I was stranded in Ortigas since the buses and MRT were full and traffic was on a complete stand still. I went inside Robinsons Galleria, had dinner, then tried to write something for the class address. Kaso, wala akong mabuong paragraph! Sa totoo lang, nakaka-frustrate kapag nag-iinarte ang brain ko at feeling niya may writer's block siya! Around 11 pm na ako naka-uwi sa bahay, I have to pack my things pa since very early ng Thursday ang byahe to Tagaytay for our graduation practice then Friday ang graduation. Halos hindi na rin ako nakatulog, trying to make sense of the thoughts that come to my mind. Kailangan ko na rin umalis at umpisahan ang byahe..all the while I was asking Heavens to enlighten me on what to say. In short, nag-umpisa na ang practice ay hindi pa buo ang speech ko..halos useless rin pala na ininform ako ng medyo maaga, but on the second thought, okay na rin kasi mas calm na ako at hindi na ako umiiyak dahil sa mixed emotions. Nagmukha tuloy akong anti-social at parang napadaan lang sa socials that night kasi nga kailangan kong buuin ang speech ko. Mabuti na lang room mates kami ni Ate Xen, so pinareview ko na rin sa kanya ang draft ko -- there were parts na nag-aalangan ako kung isasama ko so I want to ask at least some of my closest friends sa class. Siyempre kasama rin sina Brenda and Jeena sa mga kinulit ko at ginawang audience sa mock speech delivery ko. 'Yan kasi ang tip sa akin ng aking Faculty Adviser sa project na si Dr. Brian Marson para sa panel presentation. Ayon sa kanya, I have to practice the behaviour, the actual delivery kung baga, para raw confident ako pagharap sa crowd. Jay was also kind to help me enhance the draft that night, may mga dinagdag kami na lines sa part na recall ng lessons sa program. Inabot na rin kami ng past midnight sa pag-edit at finalize ng speech. Natulog muna ako para naman hindi ako mukhang zombie sa graduation. Hehehe.. The following day, graduation na! Hectic lang ng schedule kasi may pictorials pa at dressed rehearsal; in between those at habang nag-aayos ng aming mga sarili sa room, I was practicing my speech habang pinipilit makinig sina Ate Xen, Brenda at Jeena -- haha..sorry dears, spoiler lang, ilang beses na nila narinig ang speech ko bago ang actual graduation, but hey, that's what friends are for! hehehe..

The script, este, speech:

[Honorable Senator Paolo Benigno Aquino IV, -- he already left so this was not included in the actual delivery] D.A.P. President Antonio D. Kalaw, Jr. and Senior Vice President Magdalena L. Mendoza, Senior Executives in Government, our families and guests, ladies and gentlemen, on behalf of PMDP Middle Managers’ Class Bato Balani, good afternoon!

Life is a random series of changes, challenges and chances wherein, we have choices. Our PMDP journey is no different.

Most of us came here last November with one dream – the dream to get the Masters in Development Management degree from the Development Academy of the Philippines. Here, we were given the rare chance of learning from the experts in various fields of governance. We sat through long hours of lectures, workshops and group activities. We were exposed to films, cases and a pile of reading materials. We went to and lived in the homes of families in the countryside. We were asked to develop a project for our agencies, consult our faculty advisers and institutional partners and then defend the proposal before a critical but helpful panel. We went back and implemented our re-entry projects in our agencies then report on project results – an experience that gave us the chance to practice what we learned from the residential phase of the program.

Eleven months after, we are back in DAPCC, filled with gratitude to all those who helped us turn our dreams into reality. We thank the eminent persons and the experts in the PMDP faculty who selflessly shared their knowledge with us. We thank the PMDP and DAPCC management and staff, as well as the module coordinators and assistants who made sure that we were taken care of. Of course, we give our heartfelt thanks to our Session Director, Ma’am Inday Gavero and Session Manager, Sheryl dela Cruz – the two ladies who patiently and tirelessly guided and supported all of us since we arrived here in November. We also thank our agency heads and supervisors who believed in us, and sent us to PMDP. We thank our colleagues back at work who took on extra loads while we were gone, and helped us implement our Re-Entry Projects. We thank our families and friends who endured our months of absence from home and erratic schedules; your understanding and support are much appreciated.

Admittedly at some points, our journey here has become so challenging that to many of us, the PMDP dream became a nightmare. Many of us have hurdled but some are still experiencing challenges in completing our re-entry projects. But since Class Bato Balani pledged to attract positive, and repel negative thoughts and deeds, we commit to face challenges head on, believing that these are changing us; molding us into public sector leaders and managers with the right education, ideals and attitude to effect positive changes in our country.

Positive change – it is something that emanates from within us. I believe that each of us has changed through PMDP. Perhaps aside from Racqy, Dave, Agu, Marianne and Chuck, some of us are thinking about the preservation of Filipino culture and values as part of education and development, each time we remember Turumba. Brenda, Junn, Adi and the others may be thinking about economics each time they see a bathtub. Although none of us entered this hall walking backwards, as Apol would have wanted, I think the workshops and structured learning exercises that we’ve gone through helped us use our whole brain in thinking, even to the extent of switching the X and Y axis.   Others may even be joining Doc Tya, Jeena, Xen, Sofie and Luz in recalling the lectures on procurement, human resource management and public finance and budgeting. Arlene, Dwin, Jerry, Rub, Elna and others might be thinking of innovative ways for people to better appreciate statistics, and Riza is behind them saying, “try it!” Edwin, Aleli, Mary and Jay, along with another group may start analyzing and addressing the impact of globalization in local enterprise development. Celso, Noemi, Lyd, Atty. Bob and others may be pondering on the four elements of the State which must be considered in the protection of national interest, when they write a policy paper for international negotiation.  Amy, Jane, Ferdie, Joel and some others may be thinking about mining and sustainable development. Cody, Boyet, Leo, Angie, Gem, Roy and others may pave the way towards improving law enforcement and protection of citizens’ welfare. I think all will agree that we have become more prayerful, always seeking divine intervention, because of PMDP. We all have our “aha!” moments to remember from our PMDP journey that we can use in effecting positive changes.   

But my dear friends, the greater challenge ahead of us is staying committed to our promise eleven months ago that we will attract what is positive and repel what is negative. It is living up to PMDP’s vision of transformational leadership and excellence in public service. Are we joining the league of PMDP graduates who are leading positive changes in Philippine Government? Will the bonds of friendship that we have formed in PMDP translate into convergence or collaboration between our agencies in the days to come? Are we going to give their taxes’ worth to the Juanas and Juans who financed our journey through PMDP? Like a Bato Balani, can we stick together in upholding PMDP’s mission to be world-class Filipino public managers, imbued with the highest level of competence, integrity, and commitment? Batch mates, the choice is ours to make; and together, let us say that YES, we can, and YES, we will!

So there, natapos rin and I got positive feedback naman from people (thank you Lord!). I have prepared countless of different kinds of speeches, messages, presentations for my bosses before but really, this one is the first that I myself delivered. Well, as I would often say, there is always a first time, and PMDP is home to my "many firsts" in life. In retrospect, I would say that how the PMDP experience affects the scholars largely depend on their willingness to learn, unlearn and relearn. We are the so-called high performing and high potential middle managers in government so each of us already carries a certain level of expertise up our sleeves -- knowledge, practices, beliefs that were challenged as we go through the program. Perhaps in my case, things just fell into places -- I was looking for changes back then, so when I went to PMDP on the 4th of November 2013, I told myself that I will just enjoy the ride and make the most out of it. Who would have known that I could go this far? Not even me! hehe.. I know the real challenge starts the moment I once again face full time office life. I hope I can do justice and payback what the people invested in me. :-) God, help, guide and protect me po :-)

Near the end...

The final stretch is always the most difficult. We knew here and there that there are still issues to be solved.

Jacques Rogge quotes

Nakaka-relate lang ako ng bonggang-bongga sa quotation na ito! Pero, kailangan lang mag move on. Lilipas rin ito, ilang gabing puyat na lang!

My Current Playlist: Praise Classics Instrumental

I've had these tracks for the past 15 years and I must say that it has always been my comfort music whenever I need a break. Although I must admit that I do not even know the lyrics to some of these tracks (well, it's an instrumental CD), it just have an uplifting effect on me. Hearing this music soothes my soul and relaxes my mind and that is exactly what I need now.

Praise Classics Instrumental - Maranatha Music

TIME

There comes a time when things just fall into place. Serendipity, coincidence, fate, alignment of the universe, God's plan...posibleng iba-iba ang tawag pero dumarating ang pagkakataon na ganito, hindi man para sa hinihiling mo na happy ending, at least para tapusin ang isang chapter sa buhay mo at magsimula ng panibago. Anyway, truly happy things need not end naman di ba? Yep, there may be lull moments, pero iikot rin naman ang cycle para bumalik ang happiness. Pero may mga bagay lang din na kailangan tapusin kung hindi man kalimutan.

this photo from: http://1hdwallpapers.com/wallpapers/time_is_blue.jpg

Time. I often appreciate how my closest friends and I can be brutally frank with each other. Yun tipong gusto mo silang itakwil na kaibigan dahil nakaka wasak ng damdamin ang mga harsh words nila sa iyo pero hindi mo magawa kasi alam mo na totoo. Ito yun kaibigan ko na kailangan mo magpasintabi na hindi mo kailangan ng tough love, kung ang gusto mo naman at that moment eh mag-emote lang at hindi iresolve ang problemang dinadala mo. So kanina, she suddenly brought up time after our dinner. Natutuwa ako for her kasi may pinaglalaanan na siya ng time niya sa ngayon bukod sa work, garden, friends and family niya. Minsan nageemote rin siya tungkol sa seeming lack of time for her ng guy na pinaglalaanan niya ng time niya, pero being her friend na humihila sa kanya pabalik sa reality, I tell her na wag naman OA at tingnan din yun practical realities nila nun guy. So now, seems like okey naman sila at they spend time with each other.

Time. Lahat naman tayo may 24 hours a day eh pero nasa atin kung paano, saan at kanino natin gugugulin ang time natin. Ako, hindi ako expert sa usaping time management. Minsan, whimsical rin ako sa pag-ubos ng oras ko. I don't follow a strict daily routine. Hindi lang ako fanatic ng routines. Mas gusto ko yun spontaneous lang and I devote time doing certain things because I like doing it, I suddenly felt the urge to do it or I am happy doing it at that certain moment. Hindi naman kasi ako nagsasayang ng oras sa mga bagay na ayaw ko naman talaga. Minsan naglalaan ako ng oras sa mga bagay na gusto ko lang subukan gawin, pero kung hindi ko naman gusto yun eh hindi ko na uulitin. At least masasabi ko na kahit minsan sa buhay ko, nasubukan ko yun.

Time. I appreciate people who share their time with me. Choosy ako sa friends, hindi ako nag-aaksaya ng time sa mga taong hindi naman palagay ang loob ko at hindi kaibigan ang tingin ko. I admit, I only have a few friends pero hindi lang superficial friendship ang binibigay ko sa kanila. Ewan ko, basta ganito naman ako ever since. I care for my friends kahit na madalas, hindi obvious. Hindi kasi ako patweetums na sweet in public. Madalas nga opposite pa kasi I end up pushing my friends to their wits' end sa sobrang asar. Pero 😇 indicator yan na gusto kitang maging friend kapag inaasar kita 💁. When I become too formal, it's either hindi lang talaga kita feel - dito bagay yun cliche na "it's not you, it's me" -- posible kasi na wala ka naman talagang ginawang bad sa akin, hindi lang talaga kita gustong maging friend; or if dati kinukulit kita tapos I stopped and become formal, malamang you did something which turned me off. Tao 🙅 rin ako, I also get hurt and pissed off, you know!


Time. I remember one guy na sinabihan ako na "wala ka kasing time sa akin!" Ang reaction ko -- kamot ulo sabay bulong sa sarili na, "sira ba tuktok nito? Ako pa sinabihang walang time eh napapadalas nga pagloload ko (prepaid pa cp ko nun) dahil sa kanya. Eh siya nga yun madalas nagsasabi na kesyo naubusan siya ng load o kaya busy sa work. Oo nga, ano...tuktukan ko kaya to?! Lakas ng loob magdemand ng time?! Parang binabaligtad ang situation? Hmmmm...akala ba niya mauuto niya ko sa drama niyang iyan? Aba, kahit bata pa ako (hehe..I was in my mid 20's pero late bloomer ako eh kaya bata pa ako nun!) at matanda siya sa akin eh bright child yata ito no! Anong walang time pinagsasasabi nito?"  Matapos ang mabilis na pag-iisip, ang sagot ko, "marami akong time na willing ko i-share sa mga taong gusto ko makasama at willing magshare din ng time. Siguro kaya kita niyayaya na lumabas kasama ang friends ko 'di ba? Hindi lang time ang binibigay ko sa iyo, gusto ko makilala mo ang world ko; pero kung ayaw mo dahil ikaw ang walang time or walang interest, bahala ka." And that was tell tale sign number one na hindi siya boyfriend material. Hindi lang dun nagtapos yun, hindi naman ako judgmental na tao so marami pang chances ang aking binigay to get to know the guy, pero the more na naging clear na hindi siya good influence for me so waley, isa na lang siyang ex-future-boyfriend. And somehow thankful ako sa ending na yun kahit na iniyakan ko rin naman yun --- pambihira, umiyak talaga ako huh!😭 sa bagay, iyakin nga pala ako!

this image from: http://i.ytimg.com/vi/52-eR-Is-B8/hqdefault.jpg

Time. Sabi ng isang friend ko, if you like someone, kahit gaano ka ka-busy or gaano ka kalayo, magagawan mo ng paraan na magparamdam. Lahat ba ng tao naniniwala rito? Baka kasi nagkataon lang na pareho kami ng friend ko. I admit, may mga pagkakataon din naman na hindi ko napapansin agad mga friends ko dahil may deadline ako na hinahabol or uber busy lang talaga at that moment pero once nag sink-in sa akin yun, bumabawi naman ako. So maybe ganun nga talaga. Logical rin naman siya kung iisipin. Siyempre if you really like something you will be willing to adjust and invest to have it. Ganun din naman sa tao or even sa romantic relationship I guess (malay ko ba, hypothesis pa lang sa akin ito, ni hindi pa nga theory). Personally, I take time to send random messages to inform my friends that I am still alive, este, that they just crossed my mind. Sometimes, I also send out messages just because I have to remind myself that I still have people who might miss me when I am gone -- yep, depressed lang ang drama 😓. Masaya lang when they respond..kumusta blah...blah...blah... Siyempre kapag yun crush (maka crush lang eh, wagas! Haha..) ko ang kausap / text / email / chat ko dobleng saya, minsan kilig pa kapag sweet siya 💑 ayiieeee..👫!

Time. Ito talaga yun kahit na olympic gold medalist sa track and field eh hindi kayang habulin at 🏃 unahan. Ito yun kapag nakalipas hindi mo na mabalikan. Oo, kasama niyang lumalagpas yun chances -- sila yun perfect tandem para maging reason mo na magmoment at mag-emo na "what if..."    "what could have been..."    "if only..."    "kung maibabalik ko lang..."   "sana bukas pa ang kahapon..."   "sana'y maaaring ibalik ang kahapon..."   at kung anu-ano pang litanya ng panghihinayang. Pero hindi pwede eh; hindi talaga matutupad kahit ilang ulit mong ibirit sa videoke o gawing theme song sa teleserye ang hiling na "sana'y maghintay ang walang hanggan." Hindi ka hihintayin ng oras at lalagpasan ka ng chances kung hindi mo kukunin pagdaan sa harap mo. Swerte mo kung maisipan mag-cyclone loop ni chances at magpang-abot kayo ulit some other time. Nawa sa pagkakataong iyon eh magawa mo kung ano ang gusto mo.

Time. Minsan nasa MRT at ilang bagon na ang dumaan eh hindi pa ako nakasakay. Yun ikatlong tren eh naiwan ako pero at least ako na ang nasa unahan ng pila. Habang paalis yun tren, parating naman yun northbound na bagon sa kabilang side ng cubao station. Bigla ako napakanta, "...I've been passing time watching trains go by all of my life. Lying on the sand watching sea birds fly...." mabuti bago ko pa mailakas ang pagkanta ay naalala ko na ako lang mag-isa at nasa part ako na mixed passengers so halos puro boys ang nasa paligid ko -- 🙈 dyahe! Tahimik ulit ako, nagkunwaring nagtetext pero wish ko lang sana may bigla na lang tumawag para sagutin ko agad at kunyari ringtone ko yun..trip lang ba, ringtone ko boses ewan..hehehe...😄.

this image from: https://yy1.staticflickr.com/2693/4111020563_a70bbd924d_z.jpg

Time. Time to sleep na muna 😴. Later is another day!

hit and miss: finding the balance

There comes certain points in life when I get tired of finding ways to weigh things over with the intent of finding the balance. I don't really know how people see me or judge me based on their narrow perception of who I am or how I act but really, there have been many circumstances when people misjudged me or thought that I am this or that. Yes it is disappointing but at the end of the day, I just have to shrug it off and move on. 

I don't know why but I almost always tend to seek balance in dealing with things, even people. I try to understand where they are coming from, to rationalize, to suggest practical alternatives. What breaks my soul is when again, some still presume that I am just a selfish brat (wow, really?). 

I just observe that we now live in a society where more and more people find theirs as the absolute truth or the only way that things should go. "The people who feel so privileged, people who feel that the world owe them everything to make their lives comfortable, people who have an extremely high dose of self entitlements," I remember one friend told me sometime ago. That is why, finding that balance becomes stressful, even depressing at times. It is hard, and perhaps I am making this hard for myself. It's a hit and miss thing, but I don't know why I still end up going back to finding that equilibrium. 

friends who care, hindi lang halata!

Someone asked me: and why do I trust you with all these issues in my life again?

My response: I don't know! And I don't even know why I keep on answering you as if I am the expert here. And I also don't know why it's you whom I trust with my deepest secrets and dilemmas in life.

*Now ask me, bakit kami magkaibigan ng taong ito?! hehe.. life with dear friends. I only have a few but they are treasured ones.

listening with open ears and an accepting heart

Thank you for this day. 

I take the new challenge as an opportunity to 

learn and be responsive of others.

#learning #listening #responsiveness #gratefulness

#HOPE

Sometimes, we find comfort in knowing that someone else feels the way we do; that we are not alone. #hope

Customer Woes

Finally naubusan ako ng supply ng patience so I sent a quite long message to a computer store. Aba, magpapakasal na sina Dingdong at Marian; may boyfriend na si Pac Mom, Mommy Dionisia; dalaga at binata na ang mga bata sa Ikaw Lamang; tapos na ang saga ng The Legal Wife at Mayroon nang Dalawang Mrs. Real; lumipas na ang Super Moon; at ilang powerpoint presentations na ang napagtyagaang gawin ng Mama ko gamit ang luma niyang netbook na sira ang keyboard eh hindi pa rin narerepair yun laptop na binili ko sa kanila ng brand new at nasira / nagflicker ang screen while still under warranty! Ang hirap pa tawagan ng store nila at pinaghihintay pa ako ng matagal sa telepono. Running for three months na mula nang iwan ko sa kanila yun unit na yun. Kapag itong written inquiry ko hindi nila inaksyunan at patuloy nila akong dinedma eh matetesting ko rin siguro ang power ng social media as an already enraged customer!

Of Parallel and Crossroads

Sabi nila, one of the saddest love stories that Math tells us is that of parallel lines; those who are never meant to meet. Pero hindi lahat ng parallel lines ay nagtatapos sa sad story at hindi lahat ng nagtatagpo at certain points sa intersection ay masaya. Kumpara sa dati na parallel lines lang at U-turn ang kahabaan ng Quezon Avenue, mas malungkot at haggard ang byahe ngayong bukas na ang mga intersections. 

[Thoughts earlier habang binabagtas ang kahabaan ng Quezon Avenue at

inaabutan ng stop sa bawat intersection]

why people complicate things

Sa totoo lang, mas madaling mag-complicate kesa mag-simplify!

What Matters

Come to think of it, sometimes, it is the things that we do not see that really matter in the long run. The things that people silently and diligently work on albeit unnoticed; the work that we value less or give no value at all because it isn't in the limelight or we think we are too intelligent to be doing -- the dirty work and little details that the high and mighty overlook, deliberately or not. For that, mabuhay ang mga silent workers sa background!

[my thoughts after discussing something with a "controversial" friend]

bf na beki?

Someone asked me: Ikaw, kaya mo bang tanggapin kung aminin ng guy sa iyo na bisexual siya? Okay lang ba sa iyo na maging kayo knowing na while at this point ikaw ang gusto niya pwedeng at another point lalaki naman? Gugustuhin mo bang maging husband siya, if ever? (Ako: Huh? Face palm, speechless) Kapag kaya mo na sagutin 'yan pag-usapan ulit natin ha!

My response if ever that person asks me again would be something that goes:  This question actually reminds me of a guy back in college. He would often do things that make me feel kilig, calls me his princess and tell people, "wag nyo aawayin 'yan kundi ako makakalaban nyo!" even when I am just at hearing range. I used to think that he would be a great boyfriend once we graduated from college (haha..strict ang parents ko, bawal ang bf while still in school!). I mean he is smart, neat, tall quite good looking, nice and sweet to me. But that fantasy of mine only lasted for three semesters because come our 5th sem in college it turned out that he is...yep, you guessed it, a gay guy. So the kilig memories and the joys of being his princess turned into wondering if he was just applying to be my personal stylist or if he was just a kid who was unsure of his preference. My bad, I wasn't aware of those things yet at that time!

Now for my response, first let me point out that I value mutual love, respect, honesty and fidelity. That being the case, I would appreciate the guy's sincerity and courage in telling me that. I am pretty sure that many will be afraid of telling the truth for fear of being judged and rejected. I am not so oblivious of the realities about people's sexuality and sexual preferences -- I am aware of those things now. But it doesn't mean that it would be easy for me to jump into a relationship with a bisexual guy. Not that I am judging or outrightly rejecting the idea; I just have some set of parameters that I prefer to hold on to as part of my personal values. I am not imposing this unto other people, but if someone wants to be that part of my life, then we need to talk about it. Granted that we may have lived our lives the past years and have different world views, am still looking for commonalities. I am looking for common values, common traits, common interests or profession -- something upon which we can anchor our relationship. Now this drives me back to my first point -- I value mutual love, respect, honesty and fidelity -- core values that he must be willing to share with me if he wanted  to pursue a romantic relationship. Simply put, I can accept the fact that there might have been "shes" and "hes" in his past but if he wants a future with me then there must only be "US."

the other side

Beyond the sunny smiles, that child-like grin or that snobbish glare, there is this other side.

The side that longs to be understood but only a few dared to listen. 

Eto na 'yun pagkakataon na hinihintay ko, perfect timing para magmoment. Yun nakabukas na ang laptop mo, nasa ibabaw ng table na nakaharap sa bintana. Tapos makulimlim sa labas, may kalakasan ang hangin at pumapatak ang ulan. Nakikita mo right before your very eyes kung paano sumayaw sa simot ng hangin at mabasa ng bawat patak ng ulan ang mga sanga at dahon ng mango tree sa tapat ng bintana. Eto na talata 'yun, pwedeng-pwede na magmoment eh. 

BUT NO! Arrrgh.. hindi fwedeh! Kung anu-ano kasi ang naiisip ko. Actually, ang daming magulo sa isip ko.. PANIC MODE! Oo, nagpapanic na ako! Gusto ko na nga magdisappear sa face ng earth right now eh! Minsan talaga dumarating yun point na iniisip ko na maling-mali ang choices ko sa buhay. Pero kailangan panindigan eh, pinili ko naman kasi yun. Pero pwede rin naman akong magsisi di ba? Pwede rin naman mag-emote at magdrama kahit minsan di ba? Pwede rin naman malungkot kasi feeling mo wrong move talaga. I mean, pwede naman maging human di ba?

Ang galing ko kasi umarte -- this is a major flaw of mine. People think na keri ko lang naman. Lahat kasi dinadaan ko sa tawa. Ayaw ko kasi ng stressful situtation. Ayaw ko ng confrontation...seriously, ayaw ko talaga at ginagawa ko lahat para umiwas dyan pero kapag nagkasagaran na, naku good luck! Pero hello world, tao rin po ako hindi ako super hero! Napapagod rin naman ako at nakadarama ng hopelessness sa mga bagay-bagay na pinagdadaanan ko. 

Sa ngayon, hindi ko muna kailangan ng tough love --- I've had that all my life -- 'yun puro pangaral, puro pagsisikap na maging responsableng tao, puro pag-iisip sa kapakanan ng iba, puro don't show them that you are weak stance, puro all is well that ends well na pananaw, puro I can make it through the rain na mood... nakakapagod na rin. Nakakapagod na rin yun manahimik. Pero ang mas masaklap eh yun dahil all along tahimik ka, when you begin to talk and carve your point, ang nega ng reaction ng mga tao. Siyempre, hindi sila sanay. Yun kapag nagsabi ka ng ganito-ganyan, meron magko-comment na ang daming problema sa mundo kumpara sa akin -- potek, pati ang warla sa Gaza, pagkamatay ng mga tao sa pagbagsak ng mga eroplano, at problema ng mga nasalanta ng bagyo i-point pa para ipamukha sa akin walang ka-kwenta-kwenta ang problema ko kumpara sa mga yun? As if I have been a self-centred brat all my life!  Please lang, hindi ko kailangan ng sermon at "I told you so.." sa ngayon. 

Wala bang pwedeng mag-offer ng comforting love?

failure

tameme

tameme / speechless

'Yun realization

na may isang lalaking nagagawang ubusin 

ang unlimited kong wits!

The Love Effect

Because love, when it is right will in the end bring out the best that you can be.

Dear Heart

Written By: Mike Villegas

Interpreted By: Kiana Valenciano

Heto ka na naman

Binabalik ang ayaw kong maramdaman

Pag-ibig ay pelikula

Pagpapanggap; pagpapanggap na maganda

Bakit ba ang puso ko hindi nakikinig sa kin?

Bakit ba ang puso ko ang daling mauto?

Parang awa wag na 'wag 'wag 'wag 'wag

   'wag kang ma-in love

Please lang wag na 'wag 'wag 'wag 'wag

   'wag kang ma-in love

Umiibig; nang iiwan

Kinikilig; nililimot pag nakamtan

Ang pagsinta’y mapaglaro

Ayoko na; ayoko na ng ganito

Bakit ba ang puso ko hindi nakikinig sa kin?

Bakit ba ang puso ko ang daling mauto?

Parang awa wag na 'wag 'wag 'wag 'wag

   'wag kang ma-in love

Please lang wag na 'wag 'wag 'wag 'wag

   'wag kang ma-in love

Parang awa wag na 'wag 'wag 'wag 'wag

   'wag kang ma-in love

Please lang wag na 'wag 'wag 'wag 'wag

   'wag kang ma-in love

'Wag kang ma-in love

'Wag kang ma-in love

'Wag kang ma-in love

PHILPOP 2014: Salbabida

Written by: Jungee Marcelo

Interpreted by: Kyla

Bumabaybay sa dalampasigan ng pag-ibig, 'di na namalayang lumayo

Kumakampay pabalik sa may pampang subalit 'di na matakasan ang bagyo

Nagsusungit ang hangin; nagtatampo ang kalangitan

Lumuluha ang mga ulap sa pag-ulan

Sa rumaragasang alon, ikaw ang salbabida, 'di ba, 'di ba

'Pag hindi na maka-ahon, ikaw ang salbabida, 'di ba, 'di ba

Dahil 'di na mag-iisa; sabi mo 'di ba, kapit ka lang sinta

Salbabida-di-da, da-di-da

Nangangamba sa mapaglarong banta ng tubig, at parang pagod nang lumangoy

Naka-amba ang mapagkalinga mong pag-ibig, timbulang sagip sa panaghoy

Umihip man ang hangin at magdilim ang kalangitan

Panatag lang sa gitna man ng kawalan

Sa rumaragasang alon, ikaw ang salbabida, 'di ba, 'di ba

'Pag hindi na maka-ahon, ikaw ang salbabida, 'di ba, 'di ba

Dahil 'di na mag-iisa; sabi mo 'di ba, kapit ka lang sinta

Salbabida, salbabida, salbabida; Sal-ba-bi-da-di-da-di-da-di-da

Sa rumaragasang alon, ikaw ang salbabida, 'di ba, 'di ba

Pag hindi na maka-ahon, ikaw ang salbabida, 'di ba, 'di ba

Sa rumaragasang alon, ikaw ang salbabida, 'di ba, 'di ba

Pag hindi na maka-ahon, ikaw ang salbabida, 'di ba, 'di ba

Dahil 'di na mag-iisa; sabi mo 'di ba, kapit ka lang sinta...

Salbabida-di-da, da-di-da; Salbabida-di-da, da-di-da

Salbabida-di-da, da-di-da...

PHILPOP 2014: Song on a Broken String

Written by: Jude Gitamondoc and Therese Villarante

Interpreter: Nicole Laurel Asensio

I’m not trying to be anybody’s favorite song

I’m not trying to fit in, I’m not trying to belong

I just wanna be heard, just to hear myself again

I’d show you who I am, if there’s a way I can

Remember the words

Tired of playing out the scene with someone else’s cliché lines

Tired of playing by the scheme of someone else’s perfect rhymes

So here I am listening to the beat of this syncopated heart

How to write the truth, a song that’s not about you

Breathe in, breathe out; 

Courage don’t you fail me now ‘coz here I go singing out loud

Trying to hold my own against the crowd

If all I have is music, then here’s my everything 

There’s beauty in believing I can sing a song on a broken string

I’m facing all my fears now; I’m stepping out into the light

I’m taking back the years now; no holding back, no wrong or right

This heart is for the breaking; this story’s waiting to be told

For once, I won’t resist the undertone; I’ll risk letting go

So breathe in, breathe out

Courage don’t you fail me now; ‘coz here I go singing out loud

Trying to hold my own against the crowd

If all I have is music, then here’s my everything

There’s beauty in believing I can sing…

Woo..ooh..ohh

And nothing anyone can say can break my spirit now

And nothing anyone can do can ever bring me down, no, I won’t let me down

Courage don’t you fail me now

‘Coz here I go singing out loud; trying to hold my own against the crowd

If all I have is music, then here’s my everything

There’s beauty in believing I can sing…

A song on a broken string

A song on a broken string

Yeah..hey...hey…

Dear Love,

I've been waiting for the right time to tell you something and I think this is it. It's been quite a long time, so I think this is not really asking for the sun and the moon and the stars.

I just wonder and I want to ask you, bakit ang tagal mo, saan ka ba dumaan? Kung malalaman ko lang, doon na lang din ako dadaan para kung hindi man tayo magkasalubong, sasabayan na lang kita sa bawat hakbang.

Ang hirap lang kasi na maging lost sa gitna ng mundo na puno ng mga tao na may kanya-kanyang buhay. Akala ng iba, wala rin lang akong paki-alam o 'di kaya ay kaya ko naman ang makipagsabayan kahit na ano pa ang nangyayari sa kapaligiran. Pero hindi, hindi ako ganun, hindi ako si wondergirl na anak ni wonderwoman. Hindi naman talaga sila nageexist dahil kathang-isip lang sila. Pero alam mo, sa sobrang bagal mo, para na rin akong supergirl na nakikipagsapalaran sa earth mag-isa dahil wala ka pa. Kung pwede lang manawagan sa radyo, tv, facebook at dyaryo eh ginawa ko na para matunton ka. Ang problema, ni hindi ko nga alam kung sino ka eh! :-(

chasing and running from that one thing called love #8: Great Love

Ang great love mo, hindi mo makakatuluyan.
Ang makakatuluyan mo ay yung correct love."

I remember my colleagues back in the office debated about this quote from Ricky Lee's Para Kay B. To quote K's FB post:

Re-sharing because of today's discussion on great love vs. correct love. Ang sabi e, "you have to make your correct love into your great love".  And somebody said, "why can you not end up with both your great love and correct love?" Baka daw ang tinutukoy na great love sa post na ito ay great desire lamang. ;-D

But what's really the fuzz with having this great love and correct love? Can't these be rolled into one person? Can you make your correct love into your great love? Is great love just a great desire? Is there really  such a thing as correct love?

I remember talking about this too with two of my friends over cups of coffee and our favorite little oscar mini cake. I told them who my great love is and why I consider him as my great love. It is the love that lasted for years, actually around a decade and a half already.

Thinking about it now, in the context of my office colleagues' arguments, is it desire? Maybe, but desire in its pure form; not lust or some other material reasons. Actually, it is more of a hope or a dream. It is the love that made me want to become a better person so that someday, if ever our paths cross once again, he will be proud of me too. It is the love that made me look forward to waking up early in the morning, because I know he will be one of the first few people whom I will see. He is that one person whom I proclaimed to my closest friends that I love, without even blinking an eye. He is that one person whom I know I can genuinely respect as a person, as a man, as a partner. For me, his character commands respect because he also show respect towards others in every way. I like his principles in life, we actually share a number of common values in life. He is that one person who is not my crush because of this or that...actually, when my friends asked me why I got a crush on him and what is it that I liked in him, I told them that he is not my crush and I don't like him because I love him. I love him but I cannot just explain at that time why -- until now I still believe that love is one of the few things that we cannot rationalize or explain. Now before people even think that he is some demigod lurking around the metropolis, let me make it clear that he is not perfect. He is not a mesmerizing hunk with amazing abs and blazing wheels (well truth is, I am kind of afraid of those guys with well defined abs, biceps, etc. I don't know, but it makes me feel like they can squeeze my neck anytime they get mad at me). Neither is he a genius or a muti-millionaire or a balladeer who writes and sings the most heart-melting love song. He is a normal person, with flaws and all. He used to drive an old car, he was a working student, he looks just fine but my friends make fun of the way he walks. I don't really care. What matters to me was that I love him -- as in the whole package. It is the kind of love that made me believe in having my own family and saving all my love and care for them. It is the kind of love that made me think not of sex and lust but of mutual respect, care and making love. It is the kind of love that made me dream of a romantic first kiss, when the only thing that will be in my mind would be, "God, I love this man!" It is that one love that reminded me to remain hopeful, even after some dark moments of having my heart broken by some male species. It is that one love that fuels me to remain sober, to always weigh things and try to choose a good path. It is that one love that reminds me that life is good and there still are good people on earth. It is that one love that makes me look forward to a day when I will contact him again, introduce the guy I love and then thank him for inspiring me to become a better person all those years and teaching me to dream, to hope, to work diligently, and for making me realize important lessons in love that makes me look forward to days, years and loving moments with the man I truly love.

Now for the man I truly love, no one in particular right now. As I have written in the previous posts under this series, he is that guy who is not perfect and recognizes that I too am not perfect. He is that guy whom I would be willing and glad to negotiate with, to draw and redraw boundaries; to talk about our life as individuals then and now, and a future together; to be carefree, childlike and silly with; and the list could go on. He is that other guy whom I will genuinely respect as a person, as a man, as a partner; but this time, for real towards forever. Is it the correct love? We can make it the correct love -- a love that is not perfect, but real and deep enough to workout for. It is that kind of love that is more than just a surge of emotions and hormones; it is the kind that we decide for. Some may say that love is not a decision and then argue that I am now going against my belief that love cannot be rationalized. But I am not rationalizing love here. What I mean with love being more than just emotions and hormones is that it is something that we decide to pursue, to cultivate, to work on; that is what makes it correct -- we stick with that decision despite problems here and there. It is that kind of love that is grounded on deep commitment with each other, and faith in The One that brought us together. It is the love that is watered by common values, interests and future dreams; and lit with individual differences that add color and make it grow in all directions. Yes, external forces will come but as long as we are grounded, we can make it through.

Now, will I ever find that kind of love? Well, my great love taught me to remain hopeful. #

From My Notebook Series # 1 (and Introduction)

Since I started Kindergarten, writing or taking down notes has never been my favorite thing. Sometimes I do; more often, I don't. I don't remember a time when I got to write on every page of the required 100-leave notebook in primary education. Neither was I able to do that with my mini notebooks in college; back then, I scribble some notes on the margins of my text book or handouts..my notebook? Well, I do write on it too sometimes..but more often, I doodle. Don't get me wrong, I am not a delinquent or problem student (at least not to my knowledge! hehe..); I usually am a diligent student, save for those taking down notes or handwriting something tasks -- really, I don't like it! So thank you forever and always that personal computers, word processors and printers were invented and widely used now!

This "from my notebook" series which I am starting now is for the note-worthy thingies that I was able to write down -- on my notebook. If it is in my notebook, it must be worth sharing (unless it's a doodle or a note to remind me how handsome or how cute or how annoying my professor, my seatmate, my classmate, or whoever is that head-turning guy who passed by the door which made me forget that I am sleepy).

This is for the information that I want to share, and my thoughts about it. So here goes the first one:

In the Managing High Performing Public Sector Organizations Module, Development Academy of the Philippines VP Abanto shared significant lessons learned from high-performing organizations. What I want to share now is that, if we want our organization to become high-performing, we should NOT simply hire COMPETENT people; we SHOULD SELECT TALENTed people. Competency is something that can be developed or learned - sort of a mechanical or tactical thing; talent is something more unique or innate to an individual. For example, we can have two people undergo the same training (even together), but how well they capture and apply learning from that training will be different. Talent gives a person a certain level of competitive advantage --- uh-oh, well, IF and ONLY IF we recognize that talent should be given weight in assessing potential staff. So the challenge for managers is how to search for those talents. VP Abanto suggests thoroughly reviewing the person's background, inluding family background and subjecting the person to different challenges to see how he or she performs.

What's next after getting talented people? MOTIVATE them. How? KEEP THEM INVOLVED. "Employee INVOLVEMENT leads to MOTIVATED employees," my Prof. said, adding that involving employees require ENCOURAGEMENT from managers -- this is not an easy challenge!

Ooops, but there's more! An even greater challenge for managers is for them TO BE FAIR and APPEAR to be FAIR in their decisions. This is also a key to keep people motivated (read: avoid demoralization and dissatisfaction). "Remember that you may be fair in your decision, but you may not appear to be fair in the eyes of your own people," he said.

So, how do you exactly know you're doing it the wrong way? VP Abanto suggests using "employee opinion surveys" instead of "satisfaction surveys." I think this one really makes sense -- how can you expect them to write what needs to be improved when your survey is focused on asking them how satisfied are they with the way things are going? Honestly, how do you measure their level of satisfaction when they are not satisfied? I guess employees would think, "uhmm... can a negative score be added to the range that you've given?" Kidding aside, get real feedback, listen to them and do something about it.

"But, I think I am fair, I listen to them and I want all of us to improve!" Wow, really? So there should be no problem then, go on, continue to fool yourself as long as you want! Haha..Okay, I am being kind of sarcastic here so to keep me from saying anything more, I am ending this note for now.#

Kimmidoll Tatsuyo (Strong Hearted)

I just find Tatsuyo's virtue very much related to yesterday's post about moving on and being at peace with the past.

Maxi size Kimmidoll: Tatsuyo meaning Strong Hearted
Last of last Monday's batch of kimmidolls that I brought home with me.

chasing and running from that one thing called love #7: when the pain is gone

Seven years. It has been that long? I don't exactly know when or how it happened but it has. All those years, I know that the day will come when I will no longer feel that pain whenever I remember those moments -- a time when I no longer want to know the answers to my questions -- asked and unasked. It doesn't matter to me anymore whether the feeling was mutual. I no longer think of what could have beens and what ifs. I no longer wish to set things straight once and for all -- it doesn't matter anymore to me. 

Yes, the pain is gone. I no longer feel it but I know that I am not, and I never was numb. I am more at peace now -- with myself, with my past, with now, and the prospects for the future. I have known myself more -- I know what I want and what I don't. I know when to take and give chances. I know my worth and my purpose. I know what I can give and what I am willing to give at certain points. I am free -- finally!

Kimmidoll Aki (Understanding)

Meet Aki meaning Understanding. She's also one of the dolls that I brought home with me last Monday. She is a keychain. I like the virtue that she represents: learning and inquiry -- that is one thing that I think people ought to have more of. And yes, learning and inquiry must come with an open mind so that we can understand and discern insights in life.

Kimmidoll Aki - Understanding (keychain)

Limited Edition Kimmidoll Seina (Prosperity)

One of the Kimmidolls that went home with me last night: Limited Edition Seina "Prosperity"

My 4th limited edition kimmidoll: Seina meaning Prosperity.  

HONEY: My first Kimmidoll Junior -- just because we're namesakes!

Just out of the paper bag: Kimmidoll Junior Honey

With each of us busy and with Ate Mel often on field work for post-Yolanda reconstruction, Monday became the new Friday.

Ira of Rustan's Gateway has been sending us SMS since last month informing us that their new stocks of Kimmidolls are already in store. Since I was still on exile oh I mean, on residential training at the Development Academy of the Philippines Tagaytay, Ira volunteered to reserve some new dolls for us.

Today being one rare moment that the three of us are in Quezon City, off we went to Gateway; oh yes, never mind that it's Monday!

While contemplating on which of the cutesy dolls to bring home with me (oh yes, I do contemplate on it since I an not a richie-rich girl!), an excited Ate Hazel showed this Kimmidoll Junior to me pointing out that it's name is like mine. I don't collect the juniors, I only have Kimmidolls and Kimmidoll Love so at first I was hesitant to get it since it costs PhP 685.00. But on the second thought, wow we're namesakes so why not? Unlike the Kimmidolls which represents virtues, the Junior dolls are more like doll friends with slumbookish descriptions. I like her quotable quote: "friends are like music, together we work in harmony." And this Kimmi namesake of mine is musically inclined, just like me! Okay, I am kidding! But, yep I am musically inclined, it's just that music is not so into me! LOL! 

My very first Kimmdoll Junior: Honey

The Soulmate You Deserve (and the one I am looking for)

By CODY GOHL | DEC. 10, 2012 

"He will tell all of his friends that you are breathtaking. And when they smile politely he’ll repeat it, slowly, No, I mean really, truly breeaaatthhhtakkkiinnngg, will insist that they think about what it would feel like to have the very wind sucked out of them and placed inside of a music box. They won’t understand, but it will be the best way he will know how to describe why when you looked at him for the first time, all he could hear was music and the sound of his own breathing.

You will meet him at a pie-eating contest or at a bad house party or because you happen to be the only two people who like going to the park when it rains. He will be friendly and ask you for your name. You will give it to him. You will talk for hours and when he finally asks for your telephone number, you’ll hesitate. Take the chance, give him your number, ask him out to coffee. He will say yes to anything you ask of him because he loves like you love: sometimes too eagerly, sometimes too early, but always deeply.

He won’t be the most handsome or the most successful person you've ever met. His left front tooth will be a little crooked and his favorite movie will be something embarrassing like Must Love Dogs or The Lakehouse, but he’ll fill your days with small surprises, like stuffing all of the pockets of all of your pants and coats with your favorite candy on your birthday. He’ll write things like Have a beautiful smile and Be loved on all of your to-do lists, checking them off in thick red ink. When he walks into your living room to find you dancing, half-naked, to I want it that way he will not laugh or mock you, but will grab your hand and sing every word at the top of his lungs. And when you accidentally knock over a drink at an important dinner, he’ll knock over his entire plate to save you from embarrassment.

You will shimmy your way through many decades together. You will choose the paint for the walls of your home based on the silliness of their names: tantalizing tangerine, indigo dream. You will name your children after your favorite characters from your favorite books and he will teach them important things like the difference between frogs and toads and how to whistle with their index and pinky fingers. It won’t always be an easy life, but it will be a life of dancing on tabletops and too-strong margaritas, of embarrassing-the-kid kisses and quiet afternoons with no words, no sounds other than the crinkle of pages he will turn in the book you’re both reading while nesting on the couch.

For him, you will be the light at the end of the tunnel, the halo of glowing yellow that he has been waiting for. Never forget that you are someone worth steering for, someone worth the swift kick in the opposite direction worth all of the trials and checklists and almost rights because you are a mountaintop, the crush of violet on skin from a rainbow that seems so close to the earth that it must be real. When he comes to you, gorge on his compassion. Fill yourself completely. He will think you a miracle, a revelation and will count himself as the lucky one. Do not question him or yourself — this is exactly the kind of love you deserve."


My thoughts: I am not dreaming of a fairy-tale like love story where the princess finds her prince or ms. damsel in distress is saved by a knight in shining armor who falls in love with her then they will live happily ever after. I am not a princess and life is not a fairy tale. I am definitely not a damsel in distress -- actually, some of my friends point out that I seem to be so independent, empowered and yet a goody-good girl, so guys shy away from me (and I reacted: "I am whaaaat???"). I am definitely not sorry for what I am, perhaps I am sorry for what they think I am, without really -- as in really at least trying to know me beyond what is superficial. Contrary to popular belief (well, if my friends are really right with their hypothesis on my non-existent love life), I am not a self-centered and dominatrix playing hard to get bratinela from the palace. Neither am I a fragile lass who must be protected from the harsh elements and dubious people of this earth at all costs. I am a normal human being, living an ordinary life (read: I live, I feel, I eat, I work, I earn, I get tired, I get cranky, I need rest...). Like many people, I also want a life partner -- and by that I mean a boyfriend/husband who will see and treat me as such -- a partner. I want someone who really communicates -- I don't want to play guessing games or hide and seek -- I mean, I think I am much of a grown up for those flirting things. I want someone whom I can talk with about life, about love, about us, about dreams, hopes, the future, about our fears, frustrations, desires, fantasies, about anything and everything -- someone who listens and talks to share what's in his mind. I am not looking for a knight in shining armor or a superhero. Neither am I looking for a perfect guy -- why should I? I am definitely not a perfect girl, but that's exactly the point. I want someone who, like me, sees and acknowledges that we are both imperfect, but we can see beyond those imperfections and work things out together. Someone who can ride along with my brand of humor in the same way that I can get along with his. I want someone with whom I can be weird, eccentric, deviant, or silly from time to time yet still accept me for that; in the same vein, that someone will not be afraid or shy to let me see his idiosyncrasies -- and I will accept or even love that quirky side of him. I want someone with whom I will grow up and grow old with, with bits and pieces of child-like craziness on the side. I want someone whom I can genuinely respect -- yep, I may be like a wonder girl sometimes but still, I am looking for that guy who can remind me that I need to stop for a while -- and yes, I will listen! But does he really exist? I believe so...maybe he is not exactly like this for now, but he will be once we're together. What made me think so? Because love, as in life itself is a series of negotiations; of drawing and redrawing boundaries; of constantly changing to be a better person for one's self and for others. Yes, I am not looking for a perfect guy and I am not a perfect girl, but we can be stick together and form a bond that will perfectly fit us together -- from dusk 'til dawn; through crests and troughs; through triumphs, defeats and constant trying...that is the kind of love that I deserve.